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Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 2294, 12 January 1900, Page 3

City Editor (to new reporter): 4 You say in this report of the fire that 4 the lurid glare of forked flames shot athwart the dark domed sky.' Are you sure of that ?' New Reporter: 4 Yes, air, I saw the whole thing.' City Editor: 1 Did you notice any insurance lurking about the place, or learn what caused the fire, or the probable amount of property destroyed V New Reporter : ' No, fir.' City Editor (striking a match): ' Well, just watch the lurid glare of forked flames shoot athwart this report.' k country farmer's young wife was giving a particularly swell dinner to a party of distinguished people, and being short of servants, hired the carver from the neighbouring station to officiate. When the ham was placed on the sidetable to be carved, the knight of the knife, full of the importance of hia position, sang out: 4 Now, then, gents, jerk yer eyes over in this direction. Who says 'am? Don't rush the kip, as 'am is a ticklish thing ter carve.'

Principal (to the new apprentice): 4 Has the bookkeeper told you what you have to do in the afternoon ?' Youth: 4 Yes, sir. I was to waken him when I saw you coming.'

4 What makes your hair so grey, Badger?' asked Pry. 4 Worry, my dear boy, worry.' ' What in the world have you to worry about ?' 4 The fear that you will die suddenly of curiosity, dear fellow.'

Employer (warningly): 'I am informed, sir, that you attend horse races, and bet on them ?' Olerk (coolly): 'I won twenty-five pound last week.' Employer (excitedly): ' Where d'ye get y'r tips V Miss Paasy: 'ldo so look forward to the cricket season.' Mrs. Caußtique : ' Because then you see so many good catches, I presume.' Someone has sent us verses beginning, 'Oh, give me back my childhood's years!' We haven't got your ohildhood'e years. We haven't even got childhood's years of our own. Pa,' said the lad to his father,' I have often read of people being poor bat honest; why don't they sometimes say rich but honest ?' 'Tut, tut, my son, nobody would believe them,' answered the father. Pastor: It would surprise you to know how much counterfeit money we receive in the contribution boxes in the course of a year. Thoughtless Friend: I suppose so. How do you manage to work it all oft? Burglars may not be fond of masio, but they all lore the loot.