Short Story

Lake County Press, Issue 2788, 5 June 1919, Page 7

Short Story

By E. NEWTON BUNGEY.

[PUBLISHED BY SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT/

THE COW.

Alfred Custom invariably referrec to himself as a man of ideas. H< prided himself upon his ingenuity but there were other people who re garded his condition with sympathy looked upoi him as a man with an affliction. Alfred lives in a fairly large house standing in a large garden at the corner of two roads, so that lie is only overlooked by one neighbour, and it was this, no doubt, that gave him his latest idea. I am in the habit of going round to Alfred's house to help him smoke his cigars and drink his—well, whatever there is, and in return he details his new ideas to me. "I'm going to keep a co*\" he said one day. I blinked, swallowed a cloud of smoke, choked, said something, and then went on Bmoking Alfred's cigar. "See how useful it will be," he went on; "think of the fresh milk and butter we shall get. Think of the money we shall save. The Government tells us to be economical, and this will be my way of cutting down expenses." "But where are you going to keep your pet?" I asked. "The garden," he replied. "At present it costs a lot of money, and its chief products are slugs, greenfly, and caterpillars. I shall have all the plants taken up and sow the whole place with grass seed. That will give me quite a nice little field. The tool house and potting shed I shall turn into a—er stable —er—sleeping apartment for the cow." To make a long story short, Alfred proceeded to prepare the ground for the coming of Violet, that is what he called his new pet. And now for the first time I saw some sense in his latest idea, for he told me I could help myself from the rose trees which the scandalised gardener dug up. Alfred had spent a lot on his roses, and now I reaped the benefit. The whole garden, which was roughly three-quarters of an acre, was raked over and grass seeds distributed by the million. How the birds loved Arthur in those days. They eame to see him as soon as it was light, and stayed with him until bedtime. Eventually he engaged a boy to scare the birds away, and the grass seeds had a chance to show what they could do. It was too late, however, and at las£ he had the ground spread with turves, and it at once bore a resemblance to a field. The toolhouse and potting-shed were knocked into one, and Alfred had a manager installed. He also purchased a quantity of hay, a pail, a white coat, a three legged stool, an da skimming dish. 8 When all was prepared, Violet arrived. She was an enormous coal black creature, with huge horns, ••jparentlj her chief aim in life was not to enter the garden of Slindon Lodge. She was quite willing to go into other gardens, in fact she did so on several occasions and had a gaudy time with the flower beds. There was Alfred, myself, the two men who brought Violet, six tradesmen's boys, five gentlemen of no visible occupation, and four other of Alfred's friends on the scene, all endeavouring to persuade Violet to ent:r the garden of Slindon Lodge. Eventually Violet made hef entry ma dramatic manner. Alfred stood i i the gateway trying to conceive one of his ideas which would result H Violet doing what was required of her. At that moment one of the gentlemen of no visible occupation picked up the stump of one of Alfred's (igars and lit it. That gave him v/hat Alfred was seeking— an idea. ■ Syddeuly he stole up behind Violet ■. and applied the lighted end of the rttgar fitump to her flank. Instantly -lie performed several trills in the .iop register and bolted forward. Alfred was the only movable object in her path, and she removed him in a rousing manner. He performed a species of side somersaults and alighted in a particularly stick) portion of the field. When he arost two turves rose with him, each o. Lhem he heaved at Violet, who wa: investigating the grass, a scornfu expression on her face. The first turf missed everythinj except the ground, but the secoin tound the gentleman with the ciga stump. He had come forward t seek commendation and reward fo his brilliant solution of the difficult) but he received a heavy turf in th lower portion of his waistcoat. Violet proved to be of a hopefi disposition, and she wandered a about the garden searching for son appetising grass. Meanwhile Alfre was surrounded by a band of mc and boys demanding emoluments. Alfred was elated at havii brought his pet into the fold th he paid up and looked cheerfi Then, however, sundry neighbou came along and asked what w going to be done about their fro gardens, or at least the renuvuits them.

j 'Have 'em put in order again and i il pay," said Alfred. ' Alfred's friends who had assisted now suggested that it was dry work, and he ran them indoors, set some bottles and glasses before them, and he and I went out to look at Violet. ; We found her with her head over the fence dividing a neighbour's garden from Alfred's contentedly browsing on prize begonias. We chased her away, and I assisted i Alfred to nail up some boards so as to heighten the fence. c j Bed need once more to the garden grass, Violet wandered around, but . presently she paused and gazed at us pensively. Then she commenced to , moan-—Alfred called it lowing; any- ' way, it was a pretty dismal noise, t but it seemed to please her, and pre- ' sently she changed her key and gave us a solo—B flat, I called it. But before very long Mrs. Custom : \ came out and demanded whether the : ' smoking concert was likely to con- i tinue much longer. We followed her j ' i into the house, to find the sitting- , room full of smoke, from the midst 1 \ of which came the sound of a piano 1 and various husky voices, each in s the key its owner chiefly fancied. Alfred's friends were making 1 merrp, and one of them asked him t ■ if he would buy a cow every day. i However, Alfred induced them to a depart, and then he, his wife, and i myself had tea in the drawin-room. r In the midst of the meal. we were t disturbed by a ghastly noise, for 1 which Violet was responsible. Alfred and I dashed out, to find the C cow leaning against the potting c shed, emitting the most uphappy I noises. d "She's in pain," said Alfred, v "Poor lass, poor old girl, what is w it?" ' d But Violet still moaned. "There's a vet in the town," said c Alfred. "I'll telephone for him, ii she's ill. You stay and watch her g whilst I telephone." a I offered to let him stay with Violet, but evidently he did not cl hear, and I was left with his pet, u kept glaring at me with savage- n looking, rolling eyes, while she main- hj tained aIB flat solo. I prepared for ai a D sharp performance in case of ti necessity. At length the vet. arrived, and 01 gained our admiration by examin- ai mg the cow at close quarters. Even- tl tually he turned to us with a grin on his face. hj "Know what's the matter with e: her?" he asked. tl "No," we said. a "She wants milking," he said. Was Alfred disconcerted ? No! w He quivered with delight and rush- w ed into the potting shed and pre- so pared for the performance. We Oi drove Violet in and hitched her up, T not without some trepidation, and a: then Alfred commenced. b Let me pass the scene, though I shall never forget the things Alfred 5} said. Violet put her foot in the pail, u trod on Alfred's toe, leant against b him and knocked hi mover, switched • tail in his face, and altogether e he had a very rotten time. But a where was the milk—that was an a uelder story. Alfred struggled and a squirmed, said most terrifying things, plastered his new white coat r with dirt, and obtained about two v ounces of milk. n Then we bethought ourselves of s the boy who had scared the birds, t We knew he had worked on a farm, t and I rushed off to fetch him. Then 1: we two grown men stood by and a watched the diminutive specimen c •mlk Violet as easily as we drink— s er—as we smoke cigars. s Alfred engaged him on the spot to come morning and night, and then 1 we carried in the generous supply of milk and exhibited it proudly to 1 Mrs. Custom. • 1 Just then we were startled by a c scream, followed by a shout. It ; came from the road across the garden, and we started from one to the <• i other, wondering what it meant. i [ Then came a thundering knock at 1 the door a few minutes later, and the maid went to answer it. She, ; [ bv the way, had given notice directly i j she realised that Violet was to be- I i come a member of the family circle '. and she was leaving next morning. t Now she came into the room, fol- ; j lowed by a burly, angry looking j man. 3 "I've a jolly good mind to bash your face in," he said to Alfred. . "D'you know what that cow's i done?" •-J It appeared that he and a young j, (lady had leant against the fence, y I lost in love's young dream, and Vio;e I let put her head over between theirs >f | as they were about to bring their lips is'into contact. The result was that il Violet was kissed twice, and she | showed her resentment by chewing I ,g ) ip a portion of the lady's hat. ! d I However, Alfred managed to ap- j unease the angry man by means of a J to ittle lubrication for the throat and; 3r 'he pocket, and then he telephoned y, to a builder to send up men to-: lie morrow to raise the fence all round! i the garden. I nl During the next day nothing of ill much importance took place except ne that Violet ate all the young shoots ed off the fruit trees, en ( >n the day after Mrs. Custom engaged a new maid, who was apparng ently a treasure not easily gained. iat She showed her round the house, and ul. the girl expressed a measured apurs proval of the arrangements. Then vas Mrs. Custom turned the handle of outjthe back door, of "We have a nice garden, too," <«he aaid.

She opened the door, and Violet looked in, her two forelegs planted on the step. Her face and the prospective maid's came nearly into contact, and with a shriek the girl flopped to the floor in a faint. When she recovered she got ready to depart at once, saying that when she wanted to go to the Zoological Gardens she was prepared to pay her sixpence. Alfred compensated her. and then listened to his wife's opinion of Violet. Then there was another difficulty. There was far too much milk for the ordinary household use,, so Alfred bought a churn, but as he didn't like the work he engaged a man to make the butter. There was more of this than was required, i-o Alfred used it to mix with the grease for his car. lie was beginning to repent having acquired Violet, though he did not say so, but the climax arrived one day when Alfred and his wife were out. By a curious coincidence T had paid a visit to Alfred's neighbour that day, to help him smoke his cigars, and from that garden I j saw part of the fun. I Alfred has an uncle, or, at least, i he had, for the uncle does not admit the relationship now. This gentleman's name was Benson, and he was about fifty-five years and exceedingly stout. Furthermore, he had pots of money, which he had (I use the past tense) promised to leave to Alfred. On the day when Mr. and Mrs. Custom were out. Uncle Benson decided to pay them a surprise visit. Failing to make anyone hear at the door, he opened the garden gate, which was on a spring so that it always swung to, and entered the garien. X He had not seen it since the mange, and he stood gazing around n surprise. Then he gave a sudden of dismay, for Violet was tmbling towards him. A town-bred man, he as once con:luded that this fearful-looking nonster was a wild bull, and he nade tracks for the gate. Violet, lowever, headed him off very neatly, ind Uncle bolted in another direcioh. Now Violet began to enter thormghly into the fun of the thing, tnd she chased Mr. Benson round i he garden with great enthusiasm. ' It was not long before uncle's silk iat came off, and Violet paused to , txamine it. Apparently she did no* i hink much of it, for she trod on it, md then began to chase uncle again. Mr. Benson was already panting rith the chase, and the perspiration vas streaming down his face. Pre- I ently he tripped over a hummock of larth and measured his length, j . [here was a sound of rending cloth, j tnd his tight frock coat split up lack. Violet proved herself a thorough _ jportswoman, for she waited for \ mcle to get up, and then the game J began again. It was at this juncture that I emerged into the neighbouring garden, and Mr. Benson's gasps and groans and the thudding of Violet's hoofs ittracted my attention. I dodged out into the road and fan round into Alfred's garden. I j was fortunate to be present as uncle made a dive at the potting shed, and somehow or other managed to climb up on to the roof. How a man of that bulk managed it I do not know, but he did, and he sat there making a noise like a motor car, his frock coat torn in two portions, his trousers plastered with mud, his collar sticking up round his ears. "Take it away! Take it away!" he gurgled. Violet gazed at me very reproachfully as I drove her into the pen, but I was proof against her blandishments, and I locked the dooi and helped uncle down. I heard Alfred saying things about Violet; but, believe me, they were childish efforts compared with the things uncle said about Alfred. I tried to pacify him, but to no avail, and eventually I went down to the town and hired a motor car for him in which he was driven home. By the time Alfred returned to < Slindon Lodge a messenger had brought a letter from Mr. Benson. I don't know what was in it, but Alfred grew very read in the face anl tore the letted into scraps. Then he went to the telephone, and next day two men led Violet away. , Once more Alfred's garden is a I garden in the usually accepted mean- ; ins; of the term, and all traces of Violet have vanished —all visible traces, that is. Some time after, when Alfred's wounds had healed sufficient—l persuaded him to compile the list of j expenses to which Violet had put j him. He did so, and as it included ; the £20,000 he would never see from uncle, the total was just on £20,100. I Alfred's cow was hardly an eco- ! nomy.