FUN AND FANCY

Hokitika Guardian, 25 January 1932, Page 3

FUN AND FANCY

JUDGE AND MOSES. Judge: You struck him because he ca 1 led you a rhinoceros ? Moses: Yes, lie ended me dat three years ago. Judge: Then why did you wait till to-day to get even with him? Moses: Well .ledge, de fact am dat I never seed a rhinoceros till clis mawnin’. WHY WORRY. Jones: I feel very worried, someone lias stolen my car. Smith: Hang it, man! If your car has been stolen why don’t you communicate with the police ? ,■, Jones: I’m not worrying about ..the car. I’m just wondering how they got the thing to go. THE OLD OFFENDER y A West End magistrate, recognising a dilapidated old offender in the dock, sited : “All John, what’s brought you here this time?” “Two policemen, yer worship.” The Magistrate: “Drunk again?” “Yes, yer worship,” was the reply; “ both of them.” VERY FLATTERING. “Auntie Majorie,” said little Joyce, “daddy said there was hot another woman in the world like you.” Auntie; “That was very flattering of him, dear.” “And he said it was a good thing, too.” OPPORTUNITY. * A Scotsman rushed into a hospital and showed his cut cheek, which was bleeding freely, to the surgeon. “Done while shaving I suppose?” said the doctor. “You want me to stop that for you?” “No’ necessarily,” replied the S r oT “I was just wonderin’ how much ye paid for blood transfusions.” ' . MISAPPLIED. A political candidate was canvassing a farmer who was very definitely of the opposite. “What!” said the farmer, “vote for you? Why T would rather vote for the devil.”

“Quite so,” replied the candidate, unruffled, “but in the event of your friend not standing what then?” BENT TROUSERS. A man who was very bow-legged entered a tailor’s shop to be measured for a pair of trousers. He selected the cloth, and the tailor commenced to take his measurements. As he passed the tape dov n the “bow” of his leg the customer tapped his tailor on the arm. “’Old on, mate,” he said. “Thee mak’ ’em straight, All’ll bend ’em.” THE SAME FAITH. National Canvasser: I may expect your vote, f am sure, madam? Old Lady: My vote is given to the Communist. “To the who?” “To tlfe Communist. You see, I have been a communicant all my life and [ feel hound to support my own faith.”

HER REWARD. Airs Newlywed was trying to •‘work’’ her hubby for a new fur coat, und with that end in view prepared a “special” meal. “Darling,” she cooed, as they were seated at dinner, “what will I get if I cook you a meal like this every day for a month?” CONSCIENTIOUS. One of the witnesses at the inquiry into a case of alleged bribery in an election stated that he had received £25 to vote Conservative, and in cross-examination it was dieted that he had also received £25 to vote Liberal. “You say you, received £25 to vote Conservative?” asked the magistrate in amazement. “Yes, mv lord.”

“And you also received £25 to vote Liberal ?”

“Yes, my lord.” “And for whom did you vote at the finish?

The witness, with injured dignity written all over his face, answered with great earnestness: “I voted, sir, according to inv conscience!”