Page 4 Advertisements Column 2

Hawke's Bay Herald, Volume XXVII, Issue 9145, 31 August 1892, Page 4

ELECTION SQUIBS. Tho Dunedin Star's London correspondent sends the following parody on Radyard Kipling's famous " Tommy Atkins," which was circulated during the recent election at Uorue, and m really ;» very smart imitation, with some very hard knocks for both tides in it :— THE WORKING MAN. [ABongfor both Bi Jo?, with nto'oies lo the Barrack lloom Balladidt.] I walked In apercoashln with a banner and a band, And they s»ld I was a noosanco In 7gh 'Oborn ana tho Sti md ; I spouted at a meeting which was in Trafalgar Hquaro, Bat they sent tho slops to cbargo mo and to olo»r mo out ot there, Oh) H'b "Dommydog" ana "gochulist, 1 and •' D tmn ibo lazy lout," But Ha " llleps tho Hrli.sh workman," with tho b Jljt'box abmii, Ohl it'a "bloci the British, workman," with tho ballot-box abour. I struck for better wagis and thoy said I was a foil, And tho crafty hagltalar mer«ly used rr j as a tool ; And when tho kids was BtArvln' and we Jwdn'c cup nor bite, They only Bhrugged tholr shouldors and they said U served mo rlffbt. For Its "Ruin to the country," and Its wlckcdnosa and crlmo. But Its "Bacred Klghts o' Labor" jnet about election time, Just aßout election tlmo, my ladß, juat about eloctlon time, Ohl its "Snored HIkIUb o 1 Labor," Just about cUction tlmo. I'm lazy anl I'm 'ulking, and a nooaanco and a cubs, And 1 ci. b on Irido and commcrco like a blessed inky hua, I'm a-droßffln' down tho nemplro, and a-swollin'of thoratot, And a 'orny 'anded 'umbut:, what tho hupper claßses 'ates. For its "Workln? mon aredu(rori>,''ar,d " They're n> vor worth n Kro"l : " Bat Us "Brltlehbono and sinow"when they want your bloomin' vote, They want your bio iimn' vote, my Udß ; they want your bloomin' vote; Ohl Its "British bono and slnnw " when they want your bloomin' vote.

OADBOHS'B OOOOA. "Tbe most perfect. "-The Analyst. 073 ■nONONDEDMS WHOLESALE. In reply to our advertisement " Kangaroo," who unless ho is uncommonly active could not keep pace witb his own conundrums, sends us tbe following. He little thlnka we have over 2000 alreidy, or he would doubtless bave spared us tbe threat to bend along another batoh. If our readers want to know who are the punsters, riddle makers, acrostic compilers, and pnrzlo inventors of New Zealand, lob them ofier a prize, as we bavo done, ond If they have the same luck nothing bnt suicide or tbe madhouse will save them. Doctors, clergymen, lawyers, officers of the ilect, ladies uuder and over 17 (or 70 for that matter), children in their toons, and out of thorn ; white, black, bond, and free will all contribute their quota, at least we have contributions from them all ; and yet in the majority of cases they have missed the cardinal condition of our offer, which was tbat tbe Waterbury watch should be the theme, Bnd not a conundrum on n watob, with Waterbnry added, but really unattached I We have had riddles turned out on the co operative principle, the outcomo of evening pariie?, Uib'c cla^s;-), or othor meeting-i of the sext 1 ?. Others have been evolved over thedinner tables of our hotels, in friendly rivalry amongst tbe gnestn. Some are sent in, carefully enveloped in perfumed wrapper*!, with monograms and norn de plumes all au fait. Others are juvenile, badly spelt, ami penned io honest round hand between set pencil lines. A few are illegible m a whole or in part, and harder to "climb" than a monkey's puzzle. But none forget to add the address where the Golden Waterbury ii to be sent, and by tbe strangest of coincidences there is no ambiguity or unintellipibility about that part of the epistle. Oh, no, that is all right. One or two havo brongbt theirs round, and after commending their efforts to our ' kind consideration bave snggosted an ad* ! journment to Wain's, or have " winked the otber eye." \v c remained of course immaculate ; the best proof of this being that tho prizes have not yet been awarded. Somo contributors suggested that ! "Civis" should be the judge I Now we should like to know who "Civis" is I I Are almost certain that he is a contributor, and that this suggestion come from him. Shouldn't wonder. Happy 1 thought ; can't trust *' Civis." Must get ' some other humorht, possibly Miss Morri* , son or H. S. Fish. ' However, we have digressed, and now ' give way to Kangaroo :— 1 1- Wby is the old series Waterbury like a kangaroo ?— Answer : Because it ' possesses a tremendous spring, 5 2. Why is the sale of the Waterbury Watch liko a kangaroo?— Answer • Because it progresses by leaps and bounds. 3, Why are the Waterbury agents like a kangaroo?— Answer: Because they ! never get tbelr tutis between tlielr leg«, '