Sleepy Gisborne.

Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume II, Issue 234, 13 December 1888, Page 3

Sleepy Gisborne.

A PAST WAKE AND A WAKE TO COME. Gisborne is generally looked upon as a quiet, sleepy little place, which has to feed its appetite for excitement by incidents which occur at distant places. If it were not for the larrikins, the Salvation Army, and the Harbor Board, some people express an opinion that the place would be too fjuiet for a hermit to live io. But to ’he initiated >ll this is known tn be a fall >cs r . fc»r they have discovered ways of cultivating pleasurable exci* ement which arequ'te unknown to the wicked world without, and of which even some G'sborne people are not aware. For the wiformati nof blissful ignoramuses let us narrate an illustration. Scene : A la«ge wooden building in Gladstone road, in which had met two jovial individuals and a few fri nds. The conversati< n turn* on various topic*, and that of athletics is brought up. One whom we may designate as Walter Raleigh, in the consciousness of his own prowess, talked pretty tall to one who wasn’t a < uffer and reckoned himself a Jfudge of) P(ugilists). So heated, indeed, became the discussion that it led to one

challenging the other to a test of skill and st ength there and then. Seconds were appointed, and a wrestling match proposed, but rejected in favor of fisticuff*. The usual formalities were gone through and time called ; the combatants £tood forward man to man and face to face. First round—This was begun with careful sparring, each evidently wishing to test the other’s points. McDuff seemed to take things easily, but Raleigh looked as determined as a newly.made corporal. The latter made a feint with his left and then a desperate lunge with his right, which might have driven McDuff to Kingdom come only the latter’s second’s foot unfortunately got in the way, sending him face downwards, and there being nothing to check the impetuosity of the righthander Raliegb’s body had to follow it up. with the result that he came a body crusher on his opponent, at the samp time gently tapping his forehead on the hard floor. When the opponents had been lifted to their ftet again time was called. Secund Round—McDuff meant to lay on this time with a vengeance, and his opponent’s second was also laying on him. In his eagerness to obtain entries in his book he rushed into the ring, and offered to back some one to fight any man, woman, or child in the place, whereupon Raleigh got exasperated and struck a blow at hi* second, whsch accidently caught'Mac in the mouth, and after taking a balloon ascent in ihe air he swore that he would have his hlood for it. As good as hi* word he made a dreadful rush at Raleigh, but the friends anticipating a Coroner’s inquest, and knowing it wnuld not he fair to carry on that way during Sergeant

Bullen’s absence, rusned between i(t the combatants and the referee called “Time!” Both the seconds appeared to have got damaged with stray blows, and the interval wan extended an that all the sanguinary confiictors and inflictors could get sponged down. One gentleman accidently got hit in the month with the sponge, and a general civil war appeared imminent, but a blessed peacemaker turning up, blessed peace was temporarily restored, and the combatants re-entered the arena each prepared to gently punch the life out of his opponent. Round Three—Bravely, and with a fierce conqner-or-die expression like that worn by the gladiators of old, did the comoatants step towards each other. They tried an occasional feint and duck, followed by right and left hand counters, upper lip cuta, pits, and other scientific manoeuvres that would have done credit to a cat on hot bricks, but strange to say the blows all seemed to fall short, and gore seemed as scarce as it is said by scientists to be in the heart of a a’O' e. Halrigh caught Mac on the funny-bone of the elbow, but hurt his knuckles, and both began to grin most horribly. Some one, in a "pig’s whisper.” said they were frightened, and before the seconds cou’d get out of the mad, Mac and Raleigh imultaneoualy rushed for 'one another but. at the same lime each accidently slipped over his second’s foot, ami rhe opponents Tell forward, their heads colliding before th*-v reached the floor, where ■hepugilipts 'av dazed fo» a few seconds. On coming ‘o again bth combatanis accused their seconds of treachery and discharged them forthwith, but they were not so easily shaken off, and an adjournment was made to argue the matter out, wines all round being procured from the nearest pub. After a little deliberation, bristles were again visible, and Raleigh said he was the hert man in Gisborne, and would wrestle or fiahr. the whole bang lot of them if they liked, and suiting action to the word male for one of the seconds and bonnetted him. That gentleman retaliated by telling Raleigh he was afraid of McDuff, whereupon the two again shook hands and swore eternal enmity, but thought it would be more sensible to get into better condition before the mortal com-

bat. Mac retired for a few moments and brought his solicitor with him, and that gentleman prepared article* as follows :— " I. Waltohacco Raleigh of Gisborne, etc, and I, J. P. McDuff, also of Gisborne afore Raid, etc, etc, hereby agree to fight to a finish, hare knuckles, Matquis of Q leensberry ruhs, for £lO a side, match to take p ace at the cemetery, Makaraka, at 12 midnight on Saturday, December 22, the loser’s friends being entitled to burial expenses out of the stakes. Only the Press and a few select invitees allowed admission, Sergeant Bullen and Co. to be strictly forbidden.—By the Grace of, etc., etc. [here follow names in full of the combatants and the witnesses']. In the meantime a well known Maori chief and warrior enters upon the scene and is much grieved that otherwise law abiding civilia- s should act in this way. He is making an eloquent protest against the fight, when it suddenly dawned on someone that the lawyer’s fee had not b*en paid, and the latter had »n all round scrimmage with everyone who dared oppose him, and held his own so well that there seemed to be a feeling of relief and admiration when the native warrior gallantly made his own body an obstacle to all further desperation. Peace had no sooner been restored, however, than another breeze occurred over the £5 deposit, McDuff was said to have given his to the solicitor, but Raleigh was either afraid of a percentage deduction, or was not possessed of the fiver. He pleaded that tbe challenge sbou d not be made public, but it was said the advertisement had already been sent to the Standard office, and was then in type, which meant at least six shillings. The Standard prizefight reporter was then appealed to, and for a consideration he said he would try and get the advertisemect withdrawn. The sporting second then taunted Raleigh with being chicken hearted, and having no more pluck in him than a two days’ old sheep. General uproar ensued, and everybody eeemed to have an itch for plugging everybody else; Raleigh offered to do the lot of them ; the Maori chieftain did his best to quell the riot, but found that numbers told heavily on him, the fierce combatants shouted lustily, the building shook like a quivering leaf, the dogs barked, and the tempest raged fiercer and fiercer, when a small boy appeared on the scene and with a voice between that of a bellowing cow and an ungreased axle, screamed, " Perleece ! Pieece 1” A stampede immediately followed and a calm soon reigned supreme. In case McDuff and Raleigh remain obdurate in their iniemion of eliminating each other on the 22nd, the chieftain has expressed his intention of bringing his sword with him, and on behalf of the Queen maintaining order at all costs.