THE VAG’S COLUMN

Grey River Argus, 20 May 1922, Page 8

THE VAG’S COLUMN

Ey the Understudy. Dear Hmiry,—The Government of New Zealand knows how to deal with Dubbs; ami b-. itJg a friend of yours I diject strongly when they put it over rou and make a fool of you. I’ll adnit that the “gentlemen” that run cour country for you keep mo fairly )usy ferreting out the stunts (hey put ip for your edification. It seems they ire never tired of inventing some novv Irug for your not too active mind. In uy short lift I have a lively recollccion (d‘ some of the capitalist trails rou have followed These stunts or rails, or whatever you like to tmll them ire put up in their most attractive ■oldurs Lifter a war. When vve licked he Buers, ami put a few hundred thouaud into the Rand mines to ake the place of the white workers that vere there, and incidentally killed oft' !6,000 Boer women and children in nir comj’utration camps, and brought mt several hundred white girls from uondon to cater for ihc lust of the ellow men working in the mines, our tosses were afraid we would wake up uul ask. “What for?’’ So they put up pageant 1o keep us quiet. Even lieore the Boers had given in altogether re had a real live Prince and his wife ■isiling us. And how we cheered them, Jen, the little chap who is now our Cing ami his lady. The )übbs turned out in their hundreds of housamls and waited all day just to ;et a glimpse of the man who was to ie our future king. 1 was in Mellouriic when the Duke of York landed, nd one incident of that triumphal rive, through arches and decorations hat cost tens of thousands of pounds 0 erect 1 *shal! not forget. The proession with J’heir Royal Highnesses t the head was crossing Princess Ridge, end two labour men, Alcssrs 'li iiiing and White, attempted to preent the Prince -with an adrl<’ss from Iclbourne’s unemployed. Before they o( within s<i yards of the procession electives’ batons beat them insenible. How the Dubbs enjoyed the joke, ten, ‘‘the cheek of anyone mentioning tarving unemployed to the dear little ’rinre’’; “serves them right.’’ After lie Prince -was gone we had the usual ntertainments 10 gather funds for loniiniciils to heroes who died to allow ie Hout h African mini'ig magnates get heap Chinese labour. Then wo had th" alking craze, ami we turned out cm aturday's to sec the members of Hie took Exchanges ami. the Chambers of omniercc accomplish prodigious vvalkig feats .and felt 'quite happy when nne wealthy crook romped home a inner. The society ladies also have go,'and to see th" dear things lookig so hot and flustered after a t woile walk made us think they were ( ado of the same clay us our sisters. lie walking craze died out, wlfen work- ] ig girls ami working men started to ■ mipete. It was too much for the kites Io set; their idle ami degener- ( e progeny beaten easily by the toils’ kid.;, anil they withdrew their suoirt. There were also Red Cross races, . id of course, Ihe usual slump, ami we ( i ha-i to hang on to our jobs like , ■im death. Between the gaiety and ] iverty we didn’t, have much time to A ink about the Chows who were workg in our places in the Rand mines. s I the time of the Boer War, Hen, no ; • Ige would dare sentence a soldier | !io had been to the war, or was about ( go there; but when it was over .Judge icker of ?\ew South Wales, told a Idier that there little or no crime. ] .Xustralia while the soldiers were f my lighting the Boers, but when they j nie bark the plum' was full of it. (l lure you are, Hen, heroes when they c int you to do some fighting for them, j iniiuaks when you have done the job, A d come back and ask for justice. Just \- tice the likeness of the finish of the ( | ■r War to the present one: w’e have | 1 the same welcome home io the

soldiers, the same collections and functions to build monuments, the same round of gaiety, thb Prince of ‘Wales came round; but instead of a walking craze wc arc going in for community singing. Anything to make the Dubbs forget that although we won the war, ami lost hundreds of thousands of men in doing so, German coal and German goods have thrown millions of men out of employment. And our good Government that promised to do so much for the soldiers when the war was over are bringing thousands of emigrants to “God's Own” so as the struggle for a crust will become keener. Oh, well, community singing will ease us down a bit. When the Mayor strikes the keynote we can all join in the chorus and forget the struggle for existence. You will be able to bring Henrietta along Hen, and she will stand shiveringJn her soaking rag-shoes, and shoddy clothes alongside the society dames and sing patriotic airs to the glorification of our Empire. AX ell, Hen, when we are out of wor4< und dying of starvation we can remember we belong Io the “Glorious Empire'’ on which the sun in'ver sets. Keep vour eyes on the Empire, Hen, by watching it grow and expand. A'oii’ll forget that you and Henrietta ami the kiddies have neither proper food nor clothing, and that although your muscles are still weary from your last, .job you’ll have to hustle another at once or there'll be no food for the kiddies. Fat knows the value of getting you to fix your eyes on the Empire, Hon, that is why the little Dubbs in Hit 5 schools are carefully taught to salute the flag ami sxarble “God Save.’’ The moYe you’ kick the more frantic Eat, gets over the Empire and he has managed to get every opponent of genuine Labour into Hie camp of the flag flappers. If you belong to a workers’ union, Hen, you’ll find the one that is always up against the majority a staunch supporter of the Empire. I don’t mind you having an Empire and being proud of it, Hen, what I object to is that you let Fat mil it for you. And to get, his pound if flesh he makes ymr Empire an eyesore instead of an ornament. Before I’d be proud io the Empire, Hen, I \l clean it up a bil. I fl find the two million uorkless men in England work, I'd ■lean up the congested areas and the dum districts, and give half a million English women who are following the iwful occupation of sired walking an ipportunity of living a decent life. I’d io| have it on my (-onscieu.-o that in mlia, the most prolific country in the vorld, about two million people die of lunation every year. I’d not have it mid that Hie celebriry of Egypt is ho “wasser.’’ I'd not bo proud to hink that we killed off a whole ram’ 'f people (the, Tasmanian blacks) in ibout "d years. No, Hen, old boy, vhen I shout tor an Empire there will »e no widow or orphan in want in it ; here will be no Denshawai, Croke or Aniritsrr battles to the disgrace of its soldiers. It will be a lean Empire, Hen, such as you ought 0 help to make this mighty Empire of : ■ours. When you join in the commu- ' iity singing, Hen just take time to look own at your hob nails and sec whoso oe you are standing on. THE VAG’S UNDERSTUDY.