TEN MINUTES’ STORY.

Gisborne Times, Volume XXXV, Issue 3945, 30 May 1913, Page 3

TEN MINUTES’ STORY.

(By H. H. Munro.)

COUSIN TERiSA.

Basset HarowcJuff returned to the home of his fathers, after an absence of four years, distinctly well pieascd with himself. He was only thirty-one. but ho had put in some useful service in an out-of-the-way, though not unimportant,, corner of the wo-rxl. Ho had quieted a province, kept open a trade route, enforced the tradition of respect which is worth the ransom or many kings in out-of-the-way regions, and done the whole business on rather less expenditure, than would be requisite for organising a charity in the homo country. In _ Whitehall and places where they think, ifli-ey doubtless thought well of him. It was not inconceivable j his father allowed himself to imagine, tha* Basset’s liamo might figure in the next list of honors. Basset was inclined to be rather contemptuous of his half-brother, Lucas, whom ho found to bo feverishly engrossed in the same medley of elaborate futilities that had claimed his whole time and energies, such as they were, four years ago and almost as far back before that as ho could remember. It was the contempt of the man of action for the man of activities, and it was probably reciprocated. Lucas was ail over-well-nourishcd individual, some nine years Basset s-sen-ior, with a coloring that would have been accepted as a sign of intensive culture in an asparagus, but probably meant in this case mere abstention from exorcise. His hair and forehead furnished a recessional note in a personality that was in all other respects obtrusive an assertive. There was certainly no-Semi tie blood in Lucas’s parentage, but his appearance contrived to convey at least a suggestion of Jewish extraction; Clovis Sangril, who knew most of his associates by sight, said it was undoubtedly a case of protective mimicry.

Two days after Basset’s return, Lucas frisked into lunch in a state of twittering excitement that could not be restrained even for the immediate consideration of soup, but liad to be verbally discharged in spluttering competition with mout-hfulls of vermicelli.

“I’ve got hold of an idea for something immense,” be babbled, “some- j thing that is simply It.” Basset- gave a short laugh that wouxl have done equally well as a snort, if one had wanted to make the exchange. His half-brother was in tho habit of discovering futilities that were ‘‘simply It” at- frequent recurring intervals. The discovery generally meant that- he flew up to town, preceded by glowingly-worded telegrams, to see someone connected with the stage or the publishing world, got together one or two momentous lunch-eon parties,-flitted in and out- of “Gambi mis” for one or two evenings, and returned home with an air ol subdued importance and the asparagus tint slightly intensified. The great idea was generally forgotten a few weeks later in the excitement of some .new discovery. “The inspiration came, to me whilst I was dressing,” announced Lucas; “it will be the thing in tho next music hall revue. All London will go mad over it. It’s just a couplet; of course, there, will be other words, but they won’t matter. Listen: Cousin Teresa takes out Caesar, Fido. Jock, and the big borzoi. A lilting, catchy sort- of refrain, you see, and big-drum business on the two syllables of bor-zoi. It’s immense. And I’ve thought- out all the business °f it; the singer will sing tho first verse alone, then during the second verso Cousin Teresa will walk through followed by four wooden clogs on wheels; Caesar ’will be an Irish terrier, Fido a black poodle, Jock a fox-terrier, and the borzoi, of course, will be a borzoi. During the third verse Cousin Teresa will come on alone, and the dogs will be drawn across by themselves from the opposite wing: then Cousin Teresa will catch on to the singer and go offstage in one direction, while the dog’s procession goes off in the other, crossing en route, whic-h is always very effective. There’ll be a lot of applause there, and for the fourth vorse Cousin Teresa will come on in sables and the dogs will all have coats on. Then I’ve got a great idea for the fifth verse; each of tho dogs will be lccl on by a Nut, and Cousin Teresa will conto on front the opposite side, crossing en route, always effective, and then she turns round and leads the whole lot of them off on a string, and all the time everyone singing like mad: Cousin Teresa, takes on Caesar, Fido, Jock, and the big borzoi. Tum-tum ! Drum business on the two last syllables. I’m so excited, I slian t, sleep a wink t-o-niglit. I’m elf to-mor-*row by the ten-fifteen. I’ve wired to Hermanova to lunch-with, me.” If any of the rest of the family felt any excitement over the creation of Cousin Teresa, they were signally successful in concealing the fact-. . “Poor Lucas does take liis silly little ideas seriously,” said Colonel Haroweluff afterwards in the smoking room.

“Yes,” said his younger son, in a slightly less tolerant, tone, “in a day or two Tie-11 come hack and tell us that

his sensational masterpiece is above the heads of the public, and in about three weeks’ time he’ll be wild with enthusiasm over a scheme to dramatise the poems of Herrick or something equally promising.” And then an extraordinary thing befel. In defiance of all precedent Lucas’s glowing anticipations were justified! and endorsed by the course of events. If Cousin Teresa was above tire.'heads of the public, the public heroically adapted itself to her altitude. introduced as an experiment at a dull moment in a new revue, the success of the item was unmistakable; the calls were so insistent and uproarious that even Lucas’s ample devisings of additional “business” scarcely sufficed to keep pace with the demand. Packed houses on successive evenings confirmed the verdict of the first night audience, stalls and boxes filled significantly just before the turn, came on, and emptied significantly after the last encore had been given. The manager tearfully acknowledged that Cousin Teresa was It. Stage hands and supers and programme sellers acknowledged it .to one another without the least reservation. The name .of the revue dwindled to secondary importance, and vast letters of electric blue blazoned the words “Cousin Teresa’ from the front of the great palace ol pleasure. And, of course, the magic of the famous refrain laid its spell all over the Metropolis. Restaurant proprietors were obliged to provide the members of their orchestra with painted wooden dogs .on wheels, in order that the much-demanded and always conceded melody should be rendered with tho necessary spectacular effects, and tho crash of forks and bottles on the tables at the mention of the lug borzoi usually drowned the sinceres-t efforts of drum or cymbals. Nowhere and at no time could one get away from the double thump that brought up the rear of the refrain; revellers reeling home at nigTi|- banged it on the doors and hoardings, milk-men flashed their cans to its. cadence, messenger boys hit smaller messenger boys resounding double smacks on the samd principle, and the more thoughful circles of the great- city were not deaf to the claims and significance of the popular melody. An enterprising and emancipated preacher discoursed from liis pulpit on the inner -meaning of “Cousin Teresa,” and Lucas Harroweluff was invited to lecture on the subject of his great achievement to members of the Young Men’s -Endeavoi League, the Nine Arts Club, and other learned and willmg-to-learn todies. •In -Society .it seemed to be the one tiling people really cared to -talk about;-men and women of middle age and average education might be seen together in corners earnestly discus-

sing, not the question whether Servia, should have an outlet on the Adriatic or the possibilities of a British success in the international polo contests, but the more absorbing topic of the problematic Aztec or Nilotic origin of the Teresa inotiv.

“Polites and patriotism are so boring and so out of date,’ said a revered lady who had seme pretensions to oracular utterance: “we are too cosmopolitan nowadays to be really moved by them. That is why one welcome’s an intelligible production like ‘Cousin Teresa-,’ that lias a genuine message for one. One can’t understand tho message all at- once, of course, but one felt from the very first that it was there. I’ve been to see it eighteen times, and I’m going again to-morrow and on Thursday. One can’t se it often enough.”

••It would be rather a popular move if we gave this Harrowcluff person a knighthood or something of the sort, said the Alinist-er reectively. ‘‘"Which. Harrowciiiff?’’ asked his secretary.

‘•Which? There is only one, isn’t there?” said the Alblister; “the ‘Cousin Teresa’ man, of course. I think everyone would he pleased if we knighted him. Yes, you can put him down on the list of certainties —under the letter L.”

“Tho letter L,” said his secretary, who was new to his job: “does that stand for Liberalism or liberality ? ’ Atcist of the recipients of Alinistcrial favor were expected to qualify in both of these subjects. . “Literature,” explained the Alnnster. And-thus, after a fashion, Colonel Harowcrluff’s expectation of seeing his son’s name in the list of Honors was gratified.—“Alorning Post.”