Oddments

Greymouth Evening Star, 23 June 1950, Page 4

Oddments

A description of an oboe as “an ill wind that nobody blows good” brought a roar of laughter from the audience attending the silver jubilee of the Palmerston North Music Club.

Mother has a beaver coat And junior has a fishing boat; Sister has a brand-new slei'gh . . . And father has a year to pay. —Philip Lazarus, U.S.A. * * * * * “Yes, he’s the laziest bloke I ever knew —drives his lorry over a bump to knock the ash off his cigarette.”— Weekly News, Scotland. * * * * * “Golf is better for the health than gardening,” says a doctor. (Mark this paragraph with a blue pencil so your wife doesn’t miss it.) —London Opinion. * * * * It has been predicted that in 50 years the average American will make $12,000 a year, and at the rate we are spending he had better. —Wall Street Journal. ***** She was determined to catch a trout and the old gillie’s patience was drawing thin when somehow she hooked a fish. By'a miracle it remained on the hook while the excited young woman reeled it in until the tiny fish was squirming hard up against the tip of the rod. “What do I do now?” screamed the girl. “Tak’ this,” said the gillie, preferring his dirk, “and I’ll hauld on while ye climb up .the rod and stab it to death.” —The Star, Johannesburg. * * * * * Just before closing time a housewife went into a butcher’s shop to buy some meat. A strange man followed her into the shop and stood about while she was at the counter. Suddenly she screamed and the man turned and ran cut of the shop right into the arms of a passing policeman. The policeman recognised him as a holdup man he had been trying to catch and took hfm into custody. The butcher was most grateful. “Mrs Smith,” he said, “if you hadn’t screamed, I would most certainly have been robbed. But what I want to know is how did you know he was a hold-up man?”

“I didn’t knew,” protested Mrs Smith. “I screamed when you told me what the joint was going to cost.” — Tatler and Bystander. —’The Seeker