STATUES

Greymouth Evening Star, 30 July 1929, Page 9

STATUES

“SAYS SERGEANT MURPHY.” (By A. P. Garland in “The English Review.”) “I see,” said Heddle, “they’re going to put up a statue to Mrs Pankhurst.” “Are they?” said Sergeant Murphy. “Well, it’s just what they would do. Some. people can’t forget or forgive, just because she was wan of the gallant leaders of the self-sacrificin’, shriekin’ sisterhood that be constitutional means —with an occasional diversion in the way of chewin’ a policeman’s ear off —forced the British Government to inflict the vote on women, who’d most of thim rather have a pair of silk stockin’s, which they know what to do with —Where was I? Oh, yes—l think it a shame for thim to libel her in stone for countless ginerations unborn to shtrike matches on.” “There’s a lot of statues knocking about the streets already,” remarked Heddie with an air of profundity. “Don’t I know.it?” said the Sergeant. “Wherever there’s a fair vista in London Town you’re sure to find it contaminated be a figure in. Old Red Sandstone of a morose-lookin’ fellah with throusers that would disgrace a lino-layer. The tide of thraffic surges round, millions of men pass, it every week, yet not wan in fifty can tell you if it represents Doctor Barnardo or Jack Hobbs. Now what’s the good of a statue like that, hewed out as a rule be a monumental mason? “A lot of the statues, I’m told, was presented to the city in days gone by be the origifials, and ifyo, I can only say that the Mace Bearer wasn’t puttin’ his back into his job or they’d have been poschumious statues. But now .they’ve been included in the assets of the city, and are carried forward each year with x the Old Bailey, the Lord Mayor’s coachman, London Stone, and the pigeons billeted at St. Paul’s. There must be some fierce language each eyar whin the auditors go round checkin’ the statues and find there’s not wan to write off.

“But we’re just as bad nowadays ourselves. We’re always commemorating’ somethin’ and, as a rule, it runs to a statue or wan of them plaques of blunt-nosed men stuck in a wall. Say a fellah has presented a town with a park or a library or an art gallery. We thank him, call it the George Miggins Park, - and then ask for tenders for the construction of an outsize of him in Carrara marble to do sintliry-go outside the munificint donation, and keep his memory green, thus knockin’ at wan blow twinty-five pir cint off the value of the gift. “I often wonder, Heddle, where they got this -notion of commemoratin’ a man be puttin up a statue to him. I think they must be following ancient Greeks. I’ve seen' pictures of Greek gardens and Greek market places, and .they were all infested with statues of people steppin’ out of their baths, as you might say. But I’ve noticed the .statues were mostly of young fellahs that on face and figure could have walked sthraight into fat salaries in Hollywood. They took care not to do thim in marble whin their jaws had begun to sag and their waistcoats to \bulge. “If I’d me way, Heddle, I’d have every statue thried for its life every five* years be a jury of citizens vzho had to live in the vicinity of it. If it got the verdict, well and good; if not, well and better.” I