Spray.

Golden Bay Argus, Volume IX, Issue 68, 15 September 1904, Page 3

Spray.

The Lady Didn't Count. He : "I came within an ace of running over a lady this morning when I was on my wheel." " That was fortunate." " Wasn't it ? It was only the other day that I had it freshly enamelled." Wears It In Front. Brown thinks unpunctuality Is nothing but a crime, . : And yet, as he e'er wears a watch, He's always behind time ! That Beats All. Of all the applications for a Christmas Box ever heard, the following beats all :- Boy : " I've called for me Christmas box." Gent.: " Why, I don't know you, boy." Boy : " What ! Don't know me ! Why I'm the boy as calls to borrer the garding ' roller for Mr. ." . Consoling. " I feel," said the young man to her father, " that existence without your daugh- j ter would be only a dreary task, whose completion could not come too soon." " Very well," said the old gentleman, " take her, and presently you'll feel the same way —only more so." Use for a Lapdog. Mistress : " Bridget, I don't suppose you mind having dear little Fido with you in the kitchen when we go out ?" Bridget : " No, mum ; I loike to have him here. Y'see, when things go wrong an' Oi get me dander up, it's a mighty big relief to have something to kick round." So Considerate. " Dear old Tom, he is so considerate, ani so thoughtful of my happiness," confided Mrs. Scorchmost to her dearest friend. " What has he done now 1" queried the one confided in. I " Doubled his accident policy, and now I don't have to worry the least bit when he I goes out every night and scorches over j those miserable roads round here, refusing to use either a brake cr a lamp on that new £6 machine he rides." What Hla Father Said. Inspector of Village School (questioning class): " Now, my boy, what is an island?" Pupil (dejectedly): "1 dunno, sir." Inspector: " Well, for instance, could I ride from here to France?'' 'Pupil ('brightening up): " Noa, sir, that yer couldn't; for feyther saw yer on hossback t'other day, an' sed as how he'd lay a shilling yer couldn't roide a moile without a-wabbling off." By Teacher's Orders. " " What on earth," said a gentleman to ; his son, " are you doing up there, Johnny, sitting on the horse's back with a pencil and paper, when you ought to be. at school?" " Teacher said I was to write a composition on a horse," said the boy," " and I'm trying to; but it's awful dif'cult, 'cos he will keep moving so. I s'pose that's why teacher gave it to us to do, ain't It?" Over the Fence. What do you see, little girl, ' : , ; Upon your perch so far, The soubrette hugging the juvenile, Or the leading man kissing the star? Just for Fun. When you arise at dawn of day To labour on the same old way, Don't count-the battle half begun Till you have smiled once—just for fun. If you sit down when work is o'er To count the knocks which make you sore, Just crown the day a perfect one— And keep on smiling—just for fun. A Sura Thing. Somebody may have sugegsted It before, but it is none the less true, that the simplest method of increasing the revenue would be by means of a tax on ' beauty. Instead of the usual reluctant disposition on the part of taxpayers, in this instance the ladies would fall over one another in wild anxiety to pay their assessments. More than that, the bigger the individual tax the greater the joy of the individual woman mulcted. Let the ladles pay from a thousand pounds down to a farthing for beauty tax, and watch the Government's income jump! Food for Reflection. Mistre'ss : " I give twelve pounds a year, and all found." Irish Servant : " Shure, does the 'all ; found' include me swateheart, mum !" Cai You Cook? Mistress (in registry office, to prospei'lve servant) : " Can you cook ?" P.S.: " Niver mind that just yit. Where do yez live an' what wud yez pay?" A Long Wait. " Why, Jack, I didn't know that Bhe utterly refused you." " It amounted to the same thing. She sa'id she was willing to wait un.il I cou d support her." Preparing. Servant : " I want sixpennyworth of courtplaster, a package of ab orbnt cot oi, a hottle of carbolic acid, two rolls of surgeon's bandage, and a piece of iodoform gauze." Chemist : " Has your master met With some accident ?" Servant: "Not yet, hut this afternoon he is going to put up a barbed-wire fence." Girls Are Preferred. In Germany and Holland girls are chosen in preference to young men in all opupations where they can he advan'ageously em- : ployed. At Munich many of the clerks aid | bookkeepers in the banks are glris. At th) j railway stations some who /attend the windows for the sale of tickets are gl.ls, and, the cashiers in the cafes and restaurants are of the same sex. Only Natural. Father : " Well, how does my son ret on?" "He is one of the test hoys at school, sir," replied the master. " I have no complain? ' to make on that score.'" " That was the way with me when I went to school. I'm glad he is taking after his father." "But he is very unruly at times, T am sorry to say, and frequently has tp be reprimanded for fighting." | " Well, I suppose it is natural that he ! should have some of his mother's strik ng characteristics." Good Business. Tramp (to handsomely-dressed lady in the avenue) : " Please, mum, my family Is starvin', an' I'll have to sell my wheelbarrow for to buy bread. It's just round the corner, mum. Would yer like ter buy It ?" Lady : " Mercy me ! What could I do with a wheelbarrow ? I live in a flat, my good man. But I will help you gladly. Here's a dollar." Tramp (to himself) : " That's six dollars I've made ter-day tryln' to sell a wheelharrer to kind people who lives in flats, an' I ain't got no wheelbarrer huther." The Author and th; Salesman. The author wanted some summer reading, and he sought out an unfamiliar shop. Unfortunately he was a facetious author. There were p:ople who thought him rather proul of himself. At any rate, he thought he would he recognised anywhere, because his portrait had appeared with some frequency in the periodical Press. So when, after he had chosen several work 3 of fiction iby other writers, the salesman handed him a copy of his own latest book, he winked drolly at the man behind the counter, and pushed the book away from him in mock disgust. " For heaven's sake, no !" he cried. " 1 can't read that man's stuff."

" Well, to tell you the truth," said' the