FUNNIOSITIES.

Golden Bay Argus, Volume VI, Issue 61, 29 July 1897, Page 3

FUNNIOSITIES.

THE NEW BABY. Little Tommy (on tip toe, to his companions) : " flush ! hush 1 all of you ! Stop your noise!" His Companions: " Why, Tommy, what's the matter ?" Little Tommy : " We've got a new DaD y—very weak and tired—walked all the way from heaven last night—you mustn't kick up a row." AUNT JANE LEFT. OUServing Son : "Ma, Aunt Jane has been eating the honey." Astonished Mother: "Nonsense! What makes you say that ?" Son : "I heard papa say he wanted to sip the honey from her lips, and so he did too—a lot of it." MUST DO SOMETHING. " Wife, bring me some roast beef," said a spendthrift husband, who for once happened to be hungry instead of thirsty. "There's no beef in the house," she answered. " Let me have some potatoes." "There's none in the house." "Then get me some bread." There's no bread, either." "Oh, hang it! bring me a knife and fork, and let me go through the motions." A LITTLE ONE. Though " one and one are one," 'tis said, When he and she do marry, The paradox soon rights itself— Ere long there's one to carry. REMEMBER. FATHER. A young man wa3 about to present lub intended with a ring. He wanted to have it suitably inscribed, but not being able to select the words, he asked his father to assist him. " You had better," said the father, "put on, 'When thisVou see, Remember me." A few days after his intended was much surprised to receive a beautiful ring with this inscription : " When this you see, Remember father." 11 KEPATOMTOGOTATURING." A country schoolmaster in New South Wales recently received by a boy a slip of paper which was supposed to contain an excuse for the non-attendance of his big brother. He examined the paper, and saw therein the word: " Kepatomtogotaturmg. Being utterly unable to decipher tho puzzle, he appealed to the boy, who explained that it meant that his big brother had been "kept at home to go taturing" —that is to dig potatoes. IN THE MOONLIGHT. She smiled on me as she swiftly passed, Over th'e-fiandle-bar ; That Bunny smile was the maiden's last, Over the handle-bar ; She cannoned hard on a cobble-stone, She took a header she couldn't postpone, Her twinkling heels in the moonlight shone Over the handle-bar.