SCOTTISH HUMOUR

Evening Star, Issue 22775, 9 October 1937, Page 21

SCOTTISH HUMOUR

EXAMPLES PROM VAAIOUB MBTMCTS (RoMHtrGroK Davies, in the ‘ Weekly.' Scotsman.’) Aw older Scottish country people need to he very critical of humour. To wen humour was something that had to hare some body and substance in it - Wore they would permit themselves to laugh at it. Indeed, the best Scot* tish humour is not really a matter for v- hilarious laughter, but rather a' manifestation of the joyous subtlety of life. It- is not joking made to order, but spontaneous comment on the fun that lies beneath, sometimes far beneath, the vagaries of daily experience. Away in the Orkneys the humour of the people is often but an indication of an appreciation of the incongruous. ~, A young girl coming down the hill by St. Magnus Cathedral on a bicycle lost control of the machine, and on reaching , the foot of the hill, executed a somersault on the street. A countrywoman,, passing, said to the girl, “ Did ye fa’ ?” A man in a Highland town stole a cow/ and was imprisoned. One of his friends visited him in the gaol, and nonchalantly said, “ Man, why did you not buy the cow and not pay for it? ” During a stormy crossing of a Highland ferry, at a moment when the boat lurched alarmingly, one of the ferrymen said to the other, “Be takin’ up the fare*: we dinna ken what micht happen.” DRY HUMOUR. There .is nothing hilarious about tins kind of joke, and perhaps that is why it is so satisfying to that dry sense of ■ humour which is one of the most delightful tendencies in the Scottish character. Then there is: the kind of humour that has a more serious background, A Salvation lass asked an old Scotsman if h® could spare a shilling for the Lord.. The old man said. “ Hoo anld are ye, v ma’ lassie? 5 ” “ Seventeen,” she replied. To which the old man re- , joined, “ A’m seeventy; Ah’H be seein’ Him afore ye, maybe.” The late Dr Cameron Lees, of St. •. Giles, Edinburgh, used to tell a story about a certain Highland hotel keeper who reproved one of his guests for going for a walk bn Sunday. The guest was ajbit of a wag, and he said, “ But - didna'the Lord go walking on the Sabbath Day? ” “Maybe He did,” replied the Highlander, “an’ I didna’ think any more o’ Him for doin’ it.” MISTRESS KNOX. A new message boy in a publisher’s' • office was sent with a parcel of books for a Canongate book shop, with instructions to leave the parcel at John Knox’s house if he found the shop closed. On his return he was asked if he had delivered the parcel, and he replied, “A’ left it at John Knox’s hoose, and Mistress Knox gied me tuppence.” Here used to be an eating house in the Canongate of Edinburgh called ' “Us John Knox Coffee House.” One ■ Saturday night a countryman who was charged' fourpence for a pie and a cup of coffee protested that the charge should be threepence, and when the serving girl insisted on getting fourpsoce the countryman said, “ Send in Maister Knox! ”

Hie late Garni thers Gould, the cartoonist, once told a story in a London club'of a. menagerie that was travelling in the Highlands. The baboon died, and it was thrown into a ditch among the lons grass. ' The next day two Highlandmen found the body, and began to discuss its nationality. One said, “ It’s no’ a Highlander, thank the Lord for that.” The other said, “ It’s no’ a Lowlander, for ma sister’s married on a ■Lowlander, an’ he’s no like that.” They both ' meditated and then the first '■peaker said, “ I wonder if the Castle folk have lost one o’ the English visitors? ” Looking at a kangaroo in a zoological garden, a countryman was perplexed. Another visitor, observing the man’s perplexity, said, “That’s a native of Australia.” to which the countryman replied, “ Aye, ma sister married yin o’ they.” AN ABERDONIAN TALE. Most of the stories told at the expense of Aberdonians have an economic

basis. An Aberdeen youth took a young girl out one evening, but the girl had to pay for most of the entertainment. Finally, however, the young man spent sixpence. When she got home the girl told her mother, and the mother, very indignant, went to the young man’s house, a few doors down the street, and threw down sixpence on the table at which the young man was taking his supper. He yawned, and said: “ There wis nae hunry. Mistress Gordon, it wid hae deen themorn.” Caithness people are quietly humorous. An old couple coming home from church in a boat encountered a squall, and they had to scramble ashore. The qld man, turning to the old wife, said: “ Mary, wisna’ Providence kind till save us frae the sea?” To which Mary replied: “ Yes, Donald, but we wis gie clever wirsels.” On the occasion of a garden party, on a very warm day, an olds minister, rather 'deaf, observed a young man, of his „ acquaintance, some distance away, and called out, “ Hoe’s yer faither, John? ’! “Ma’ faither de’ed six months sine,” said the young man, 'but the minister did not hear him, and asked, “ Hoo’s he standin’ the heat? ’’ SCEPTICISM. Many years ago I attended a lecture by the late Sir John Murray. An old gentleman, in ' proposing a vote of thanks to Sir John, told of a conversation he had with a North-country farmer who knew the scientist. The farmer related that Sir John had explained to him that a boulder lying in a field was of the same strata as the rock on the top of a neighbouring mountain, some miles away, and that it had been carried down to where it lay during the Ice Age. “A nice body,” said the farmer, “ hut a dam leer.” A geologist was explaining that the fine _ polish on a large boulder on a hillside in - Orkney, was don© by the pressure of ice by an Orcadian, who said, the stone was polished, by the moleskin breeks of his hoys, who used to slide on it.

Two ministers of the Gospel were crossing a ferry in the North. One was a big strong man, and the other rather small. It became very rough, and as the ferryman looked alarmed, the big minister knelt down to pray. One of the ferrymen said, “ Na, na, the wee yin can pray; you’ll tak’ an oar.” SENTENCED TO DEATH, There was onec a Highland Sheriff who sometimes refreshed himself rather freely before he came to court. On one occasion he took his seat on the bench in exceptionally good order, and a man was brought before him who had often •been charged with misdemeanours. Somehow he annoyed the sheriff on this occasion, and! he was sentenced to death, to the horror of all in the court. The man spent a terrible night in the prison, but the following morning the sheriff ordered him to be brought into the court, when ho was dismissed with an admonition.' ~ He, was never, in trouble again, and people said that a few more would bo the better of a death sentence! Perhaps the invasion of Scotland by the cosmopolitan spirit is ringing the deathknell of the old wit and humour of the Scots, which was indigenous to the old cultures of the country. But these old cultures are passing away. Among the younger generation things are moving too fast for that quiet humour that gave such zest to Scottish life.