THE CHESTNUT TREE

Evening Star, Issue 22572, 13 February 1937, Page 7

THE CHESTNUT TREE

Little Miss Webster.—Betty wai asked to tell what being happy meant. “ To be happy,” she said, “ is to feel as if .you wanted to give ail your things to your little sister.” • • * • The Low-down.—“ Too bad that Jim and his girl aren’t good enough for each other.” “ What makes you say that?” “ I’ve been talking to both families.”- * Dover or Cajais.—“Why, talking about swimming ’ the Channel, I ones gave the job up when only 200yds from Dover.”. . ‘‘ Which side did you start i from?’* *•• , • No Enthusiasm.—“l think this scenery is just-too beaUtjful!” “ Urn, I don’t know. Take away the mountains and the lake and it’s just like anywhere else.” ■ i * ; *■ * i • Our Changing Language.—Weary Willie: “Things ’as.improved these,lasi few years, Tim.” Tired Tim': “ Owzai?” Weary Willie: “ Used to,call us lazy loafers. Now we’.re unfortunate, victims o’ the unparalleled trade depression.” • • • • The Little Corporal.—Film . Magnate (entering studio): “ Who’s that fellow over there?” Director: “Why, that’s Napoleon.” Magnate: “ Why did you get such « little man to play such an important part?” *- * * ‘ . Now Necessities.—Wife: “ Before w« were married you used to send round s dozen roses every week.” - V - Husband: “Boses are easy. Tbi* week I’m going to send round two tom of coal and-a joint of beef.” • # *■ ■*- Irish Precaution.—Mrs Casey: “Me sister writes me that every ■ bottle we sent her in.that box was broken. Are you sure you printed ‘ This side up with care ’ on it?” Casey: “Oi am. An’ lest they wouldn’t' see it on the top Oi printed it on the bottom as well.”

Make Your Own.—“ What on earth is that?” “ This, my dear, is a barometer—a present from Jack.” Oh, I’ve heard of them. Isn’t the dear boy thoughtful? Which way do we screw it when we want the weather to be fine?” ••« ♦ • Not So Easy.—A certain doctor charged 7s 6d for the first, visit and Si for subsequent ones. A new. patient thought he would save 2s- 6d, so ha said when going - into the consulting room: “ Good morning, doctor; here X am again!” The doctor looked at him and said 4 “Oh, yes; you are going on all right. Take the same treatment as before.” * * * ♦ Midnight Oil.—A young barrister, in a harrying cross-examination of a landlady, was trying to discredit ■ her board* ing house in the eyes of the jury.She spoke of certain, lodgers wha never went out at night, and:the bar* rister pounced upon her at once. “ A queer set of people seem to live in your house, madam,” he said. “la there some reason for hiding themselves from the public?” “They’re studying for the law,” replied the landlady. • • *.■-.* As the Twig is Bent.—There was « dear' little baby on the train, and a gentleman opposite said : “ A fine child, madam. T trust bejwill grow into an upright and honourable man.” .' “ Yes,” smiled the mother, “ but" itj will be rather difficult.” “ As the twig is bent ,so the tree’s in* dined,” the gentleman said pompously. “But the trouble is,” replied tha mother, “the twig is bent on being * girl!”- : ; - *•.• , • • Hard . Times.— The farmer bad an* nounced that, in spite of bad times, ha was going to pay his rent, even if it were his last shilling. The landlord camp n oun d to collect his money, and the farmer, putting his hand in hi| pocket, threw down a roll of notes. “There you are,” he said, bitterly. “ And that's my last shilling.” The landlord counted the money, and then looked up in surprise. “ But there’s’ fifty pounds too rnucb here,” he said. “ Dang it!” said the farmer. .. “ I’va been and put my hand in the wrong pocket.”