WIDOW’S WAYS

Evening Star, Issue 18393, 29 September 1923, Page 18

WIDOW’S WAYS

THE ELUSIVE MALE.

HEW COMPANIONSHIP AND LOVE

Wo really have a hard row to hoe! Not merely those of us who have been left handicapped with a family; but those who present to the world a free and easy appearance ; who have, perhaps, some little income of their own, and a fair proportion of their youth still left. If we continue to mourn our loss, outwardly, wc are set down as lugubrious, and our friends Jose patience with us. If we make the best of tilings, and continue to show an interest in our personal ap pearance; well—we arc “man hunting”! There’s no satisfying people, either way. Tho poor creatures struggling to provide bread and butter and shoo leather for growing boys and girls possess the sympathy of the community. Many little tilings alleviate their lot. People speak kindly of them; often, in an unobtrusive fashion, render them assistance, how of them marry again, as it is seldom a man cares to burden himself with another man’s children. They struggle through, until the latter aro able to help to keep things going. Dut the childless widow; or tho ono whoso children are grown up, is looked upon with more or less suspicion and distrust by other women—and, indeed, some few men, of the timorous typo. Tho fat and stodgy arc, of course, “ passees ’’; assuredly out of the running as their sisters whoso husbands have not shuffled off this mortal coil; or as the elderly women who have never married. But tho young and tolerably good looking aro unwanted rivals to other young women, not yet mated, possessing, indeed, well recognised, though grudgingly acknowledged, advantages over the latter, inasmuch as their previous experience enables them to better comprehend the elusive male, and to set a snare, so the others imagine, in a manner they themselves cannot do.

Hence we get such common expressions as: “Beware of Widdys," “Tho Wily Widow,” “ The Merry Widow,” etc., etc. Whatever her wiles, ono thing is certain ; tho widow is not only tho huntress, but the quarry. She is looked upon as fair game by that large section of men who refuse to shackle themselves by marriage, as well as by that even larger section who aro disillusioned in their matrimonial experiences. These seek her out with avidity, and make no secret of the fact that they desire her companionship and consolation. In fact, a widow of any remaining charm could comfortably spend her whole existence in endeavoring to solace tho disgruntled husbands of other women. Sometimes they como to her with a long tale of woe; again, loyalty prevents them from discussing details, but does not inhibit them from looking for solace elsewhere.

Tho widow who respects herself, and yet cannot lead an altogether “ manless ” existence, lias to steer a middle course between arid puritanism and a too liberal distribution of her favors. It is this process of holding off which attracts men; who despise a thing when it is flung at them and love tho charm of the chase, wanting, invariably, the thing they have not got. Again, tho widow realises, as few unmarried women do, the strength and weakness of man. Sho has learnt to adapt herself to his needs and peculiarities, for marriage is inevitably a process of dual adaptation. Thoso who fail to realise this, sooner or later run on the rocks of matrimonial disaster.

The older a man gets tho more ho wants sympathy and understanding, without bothering to explain or apologise for himself. Ho can’t get it. from other men, for he is shy of opening his heart to them; therefore—unless ho be excptionally selfcontained—ho turns to woman.

Tho single woman might be eating her heart out in loneliness, and only longing to pour out her affection upon some necessitous creature of tho opposite sex. But she can’t show it. She is forced by convention to bide her heart hunger under tho guise of independence, or indifference, or hardness. Tho widow has had such a slice of her life cut off that she feels as if she had lost a log, or an arm; and the happier she has been tho greater her loss; the more necessity there is for replacing it. Non-reficctivo people laugh and call her fickle, but, analysed, it is only natural that tho woman who feels most deeply bereft should—if the chance throws another man in her way —seize thankfully upon tho offer of a new companionship and lovo. If tho man is free to marry, well and good; if not, they enter upon a precarious friendship, which may bring as much disaster as joy, but even then is preferred by both to dead loneliness. As a rule, it is not feminine vanity,nor the primitive 11 scalp hunting ” instinct, but sheer need of something human to cling to, which makes the widow’s appeal to the men of her acquaintance. Mon like to bo clung to! It flatters their selfesteem. Not only that, it fills a real human need in them; for, apart altogether from passion, which, of course, must expend itself, however wo endeavor to ignore tho fact, the normally decent man wants someone to pour out his strength and affection upon, just as the

nverago woman yearns for love and tenderness and attention. Nature has made ns so, however wo may fight against it. Tho woman who stretcher out an imploring arm will always have an advantage over her (probably superior) sister who goes through life with a “ sfand-off-d ui’t t ouch me” air j impregnable in her virtue, wanting neither passion nor tenderness, nor gifts, nor monetary help. Despise the cnddJesome, clinging, easily satisfied creature, as she may or igmne Dio undoubted charm of the more hriiiian/ type ns she may; these, after nil, take more from the banquet of life than the impeccable virgin, or Che self-satisfied, prosaic wife, who has never been through the deep waters of bereavement, and who join.; with tl;e, former in her indignation against am! contempt for what they both choose to designate the "artful’’ widow. Thev do not realise that, for the most part, her 11 art ” consists in comprelw n■non. I lie. immature girl expects the ad miration and attention of her quondam lover to _ remain at high-water mark alter marriage. The widow has learned by experience that Jovo is periodic, is subject to a law of ebb .and (low, like everyfiling else in ihe universe. Thercfcue. idle does not diw-olvo in tears when a man turns from her ami loses hims.Jf in the daily papers, any more than she files into «, tantrum every lime he make, a, footmark on her spotless floors, or puts a still smouldering pipe down upon her recently cmbi-nurVial tablecloth. Neither does she. Foie upon him merely as a mm-hnio for raking in dollars to provide, her with food and lainnmt. 0/ r.onr-e, (hero are manv wives with insight and pat f nice ami pi. exhans! ibF affection, but they have nothing (o f.-ar from even the most subtle of widows.