POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXXII, Issue 76, 26 September 1941, Page 4

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Kaye's "howler": "Persia gave us the dismal system of mathematics." * * ♦ . If the Germans don't hurry up, Murmansk will clamp down oh them with its. usual black-out. * * * Henry: We certainly don't begrudge the sun his Spot: we could do with one ourselves. . ' . . ' * # # P.E.C.: It has become frequent that lamp posts in the streets of Rome are bearing in the morning posters: Reserved. ■ REPARTEE. ; Major-General Freyberg, who was commander in Crete* Oftce met Ribbentrop at a dinner. In the course of conversation Ribbentrop said, with his usual assurance, "Of course, we must have our colonies." Freyberg rapped back: "Well, you won't get 'em." * « * CHURCHILLIAN TITLES. Mr. ; Churchill continues to give historians,5 biographers, and novelists of the future ready-made titles for their books. Every speech he makes carries a phrase fit to adorn the cover of best-sellers:—"Their-Finest Hour,'? "Blood, Toil, Tears, and Sweat." Recently he offered a gem for. Italy's pathetic role in the war: "Abject, Subject Province." . Gr "Do Your Worst" from his challenge to Hitler, "Do your worst, Wfe will do our best." ' , For the biographers of two wellknown dictators he offers: "Whipped Jackal" and *■' "Bloodthirsty ' Guttersnipe." • * ■'*'■.'.'*'"'■ -'!]'. AUSSIE. Dear P.F.,—Add this to your collection for C6lumn 8 of casual letters from a Digger to the old folks at home in Australia. It came into the hands of one of the A.I.F. regiments in the desert, and read:— "Dear Mother,-—I got that 10 quid you sent me, but they won't give me leave to go to Cairo. Dear mother, ain't it a b d? "Your loving son, Jim." After that, whenever anyone, from the colonel down, wished to relieve an overflowing heart, he didn't burst into blasphemy. He just sighed, "Dear mother," and the rest was taken for granted by a sympathising audience. L.H.W. * * • BERLIN FRONT. Dear Flage,—lnstead of singing in my last bath, a coupla weeks ago, I w6rked out the true facts about the "Berlin Front." It's like this: Hermann, in an endeavour to decrease his tonnage, decided to fast. However, instead of getting thinner he grew fatter, and became more bloated than ever. Hess, seeing him, got the wind up and bolted. Himmler and Ribbentrop also saw Hermann, so they thought it would be a good idea to put Hermann under observation, thinking he might be the basis of a new barrage balloon, so now Hermann is in', protective custody. Adolf, wild at all this, -went into a rage which developed into one of his "car-pet-chewing" spasms. . - However, he. went too far and now there is no mat in the Chancellery to "put the German generals on." Goebbels had to explain all this away. But when he was getting "warmed up" for a speech he yelled his head of? and he's had to shut up. I think this is a good explanation of the state of affairs. Cheerio. HORL DUNEDIN CALLS. Dear F.,—l should like to add a few details and make a couple of corrections to the letter of your correspondent Robert G. Pope, in Column 8 of 15th inst., which might be of general interest. The Ringorooma and the Arawata were sister ships, both launched ■ in 1878, but of 1096 and 1098 tons respectively. Further, the Wakatipu(l796 tons), which was built for the late Captain Angus Cameron, and joined the U.S.S. Company's fleet in 1878 with him, was the "crack" ship of the seventies, and, indeed, for many years afterwards. She was the first ship tb have bilge keels and a saloon amidships, and ended her service with sthe company in 1924—44 years. The ROtornahana (1879-1925, 1727 tons), was the first ship built of mild steel, but not the first to have bilge keels, as is often' stated to be the case. DUNEDIN READER. PETAINB3M. < This is the work of that inimitable jongleur, A. P. Herbert: To think that anyone, in France's name, Should sign so long a catalogue 6f shame! To think that you, a tiger in your day, Should be the fox who gives the world away! To think that you, of all the human herd, , . Should be the one who "trusts in Hitler's word." Poor weary Petain, we are sad for you. Maybe it is your business what you do; Maybe you; must attend the devil's dance But please talk less about "the honour of France." Maybe you'll tell us in ybur next oration — "France has ho quarrel with the German nation." (Contributor: "London's Pride.") • • * » ■ . HIGH PRICES. Dear Mr. Flage,—lt is long since I rote, but I've • been busy colecting bottles for the war, and dad made me lerri my lessons just the same, so I am very kareworn. But I have a greevance for the Press, it is about high prices for fruit. Mi 4. Flage, hay you ever eaten pashun-fruit with kreem and sugar? It is so lovely you can't forget it, and, yet pashun-fruit iftj dearer than "oranges," and yet pashun* fruit will grow in heaps almost enny* where. Mr. Flage, I wood like to b* Hitler just long enuff to deal with thesdpropheteers. I wood hay that kind of mustash, and I wood arrest them all and when .they were faint with hunger and thirst in my consentration camp my gards shood file past them holding out baskits of oranges and pashunfruit and Chinese gooseberries and sayi ing, "Wood you like sum? Well you can't hay enny becos you exploited poor children 11, ha, ha!" And my gard* wood laff merrily. Mr. Flage, I daif6 not say this to my pairents, becos I respect my father and he,wood make it hot for me, and mum is too tender harted. But you are not like that so I tell you. Even my faithful frend Jimmy Smith is not so freftdly, just now becos when we play Hitler and Stalin we both want to be Hitler altho he is not our Alley at present. Stalin is our Alley at present, but w« both refuse to be him, we dOn|t know" him so well. Dear Mr. Flage, I art sorry Column Ate is. sumtimes not in, but I expect it is a war sackriflse. So good-bye, with love from Freddy, and do ask Mrs. Flage to have pashun-fruit for tea with kreem.