POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXIX, Issue 33, 8 February 1940, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

The most extravagant Scot we remember was the one who spent a day all alone. .'* .. * * How can we know when the war will end since we are quite unable to say when it will begin. * * • It is reported that Goering has now so many medals that he's given up wearing them on his tunic. Instead, he hangs up a little card: "See catalogue." IVA NOTION. * . ♦ * .•■■■■ :' War news headline: "The Russians are still hammering at the Mannerheim Line." Isn't it time they-stopped 'ftammer* ing" and tried the sickle? r ~. ERNEST. '* * * ■■-"■.■' CANDID ADVERTISING. Dear Mr. Flage,—What a storm of shocked protest it raised in Glasgow when a well-known tailor and outfitter (incidentally one of the city's "chara> ters") plastered the city with posters advertising— ; "C—L'S TROUSERS DOWN AGAIN" 7/6 PER PAIR. Many Glaswegian readers will baable to vouch for this.—Yours, etc* J.H.D. * * * THE PEDESTRIAN. (With rope enough to hang himselt> With the petrol restriction, My great predilection For walking free-style Will have scope! I can take a long "jay," Or stop dead in the "way" And still reach home safely— I hope! Should a motorist catch me— Lay me out—or dispatch me— In other words, give me the dops, I'll know I'm to blame, So shall not complain, I'll have played ?ound too long With the rope. ' ' LUTEY. ~..; * * .♦■■■■■.' MILD PROTEST. Dear Percy Flage,—Re this pot of tea for which you allege you were charged 6d. Well! well! First shake your kilts and know that here and now the "cafeterian" has a problem. Say he puts two teaspoonfuls of tea in the teapot, then milk; you add sugar. Now, this noble effort on the part of the "cafeterian" has amounted to the sum of sd. With the colossal sum or surplus of one penny he pays rent, staff, overhead, and probably allows the waitress to smile at you. Now Flage, Just be fair, and help the poor "cafeterians" over the stile Pay your 6d and say, "This is a far, far better thing that I do than I have ever done." Yours ever, COMING THROUGH THE RYE. But in town, we can get a cup'ttf coffee (with cream!) and sugar and *: plate of toast for 6d, brother. Hovr come? * * • FITFUL FACTS./_..".. Russian wives, a few hundred^ v,ears., ago, were beaten regularly, and'books'* even were written on the technique, of thrashing one's spouse. A Russiaiv, wife feared her husband no longer loved her when he ceased to beat her. A Danish ship sailing from Lisbon to Copenhagen with a cargo of cocoa beans was held by the British during the World War. From the 100 tons or cocoa on board, 25 tons of cocoa ftt could be made. From that fat, 2* tons of glycerine could be refined, and that much glycerine would make 64 tons of the deadly explosive nitroglycerine. Remember that when you hear discussions of war neutrality and what should be sold to nations at war. . Please think twice before you call anybody a son-of-a-gun, because in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, when seamen's wives were allowed on board and sometimes even to sea, • child was occasionally born in the ships sick-bay. And if the birth was ao celerated—at the orders of the surgeon —by the sudden discharge of a twelve- * pounder, the child was known as th« son-of-a-gun. — .' ■a ■ * ■ • MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. I'm 45 today. Don't laugh! Not always do I like you're chaff. ... The which makes fun uv me, my dear. An' that's a point I'must make clear. I'm jest a woman in my prime, As I 'aye told you many a time, Who 'as 'er dreams (an* mghtmares; Lots uv them still 'aye not come tni% But fizzle out. There's that J.P.—• •Why is it that's denied to me? In the larst war I done my bit, Though never makin' a "smash-it, With soldier songs no one would print Some of'em outer devUmint; Wrote lotsa letters, jest to please Pore lonely laddies overseas, Who 'ad no sweet'arts like the rest: That is, I always done my best, Not thinkin', dear, uv gawds or gain* An' got jest nothink for my pains. But I can take it! Forty-five Finds me still res'lessly alive An' 'opin'. There will comer day - , When doo rewards'll drift my way, An' like Flage, I will get my nam« In the "E. Post," what is real fame. An' don't forget, though I 'aye stUI To risk it on the Jacken Jill At the Big Show, the C.R.C. As 'ad me on it, fine-'n'-free, Also the dodgers, when two chumps Treated us to some 'efty bumps. But what upsets me are the food: Uv course, I don't want to be rude,But if you like nice things to mutich Out there, fix up a 'ome-made lunch, With a nice amber "spot" to match ; You're gettin" thinnish in your thatch. ~ * * * INFORMATION DEPT. ! In reply to J. B. Trapp, Carterton:— This season's first two Sheffield ' Shield matches, played simultane- [ ously—one at Brisbane and the other at Adelaide—had identical results, New South Wales beating Queensland and South Australia beating Victoria by three wickets in each case. At Brisbane Pepper made it hot with seven "sixers" and eight fours in his rapidlycompiled 81. Details: NS.W. v. Queensland.—Queensland, 290 (Brown 87, Allen 77, Rogers 45, Baker 32 —Cheetham four for 75, O'Reilly three for 27) and 263 (Brown 137, Rogers 45—O'Reilly three for 53, : Pepper three for 75). N.S.W., 287 ' (Solomon 39, Robinson 30, Cheetham 85, Pepper 81—Dixon three for 44) and 268 for seven wickets (McCabe '98, Solomon 89, Carmody 30—Dixoh four . for 67). ~ South Australia v. Victoria.—VlC- ' toria, 207 (Johnson 33* Tamblyn 67, • Barnett 51—Cotton three for 78, Grim- [ mett three for 67, Ward two for 10) and L 363 (Lee 68, Hassett 89, Johnson 41. Ring -31, Sievers 56—Waite three for 76, Grimmett five for 118). South Australia, 261 (Bradman 76, Klose 80, ; Waite 67—Scott three for 55, Ring three for 76) and 310 for seven wickets (Bradman 64, Hammence 99, Badcock 30, Waite 42 not out—Ring four f<r 104). (Acknowledgment to our field spoi.3 editor.) '