POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVII, Issue 45, 23 February 1939, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY fLAGE

Gibraltar may. yet prove the rock on which General Franco and Britain will split. • • # Fred comments: We are to have a Test match here, but what country is the New Zealand team meeting? ' • * * So far as the Palestine talks ara concerned Britain is like that nice man who intervened in the husband versus wife dogfight. ■ ' • # ♦ Expect to hear any moment from Japan's spokesman that regrettably the airmen over Shumchun didn't know the bombs were loaded. • » • THEY i STAYED PUT. It didn't, happen in Monterey. Passengers on the 4.15 p.m. train had taken their seats. Clang wentl the bell. "All aboard, please," called the guard to the last-minute stragglers on the platform. A wave of the green flag, a shrill blast from the guard's whistle, and—as you were. They had omitted to hitch the engine on! Selah. OMADHAUN. V • - • • NEARER HOME. (Vide "Via Nomentana.") We note that the Hitler and Musso and such In high-horsey phrases are blending. We smile or we frown—we do not care much. The saddle girth breaks? Well.— what of it? Come now to a place just over the hill Where punters voice rage all transcending, At sterling and honest Big Dook at Woodville. The girth merely slips. Hell!—lots of it. C.A.P. '•; ■ P.S. —You ask Bert Morris! • • * INFORMATION DEPARTMENT. 1 . "Windy Willie" (Hataitai Tunnel Pines?) rang us up; yesterday to ask if Hitler and Mussolini are "true blue vegetarians. I bet my boy friend a bottle of Worcester sauce- that they are; the b.f. says that Hitler is a strict .vegetarian, and that Mussolini eats meat—sometimes. Who's right?" Neither of you. It is reported that Hitler has eggs, milk, bread, and jam for breakfast, and for dinner and supper eggs, salad, vegetables, and pre» serves. II Diice is careful of his diet He begins the day with coffee and fruit, broth and fruit comprise hii lunch, and dinner is strictly a on^ course affair—fruit. Occasionally he eats fish. Benito neither smokes nor drinks. • ••.,:- ■' • HOWLERS, These from Jock: When you cross a busy street, you must have all fatalities about you. A morganatic marriage is one wher« .the queen can't have any children un* less the State lets her. Simon de Montfort summoned tha Mad Parliament. It was rather lika the present Parliament. < Climate.. lasts all the time: Weathei only a few days. The best way to light a room is to have gas, with an indecent mantle of the perverted kind. '.' , „ , White is the colour for hope. Brides wear it at weddings: the men wear black. • z; I have a collection of three oirfouf hundred good howlers, so I can supply a few more, perhaps. We shall welcome offers of the lesser* known type. And, we are sorry to sayi there is nothing of that gift whisky left: the hedgehogs got to it., • • * ' MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. 'Ere's 'ow ... My 'at! This tea is 'otT Gimme some more milk. . . just « spot. I'm not the sort to blow my tea To make it cool. It seems to me ... That people who blow 'bt-'n'-cold ; (As many do, so I've been told, Which don't apply to me-'n'-you). » It's not the proper thing to do. I ain't no snob, as you know, dear, Though a good mixer far-'n'-near, But blowin' on your porridge, say, Is very outer date today. ( "... u . Bill does it, an J it makes me sad - Becos 'c's ettelquette ain't bad. I've taught 'im as a 'elpful wife f Not to eat green peas orf 'c's knife, * An' things like that but it's a trile To see 'im slip once in a while. Did yer go out on Sat'dee larst To watch the girls-'n'-lads stamp past (Bill Parry's stunt) in bright array Down Willis Street? A sight, I'll say,. With banners wavin' an' a band To sbol 'em on. Gee, was it grand,, To 'em, chins up, chest out, stride , / In smash formation an r in pride. With legs uv all varieties From nice pink calves to 'ackneyed knees , Defyin' the cold wind, what gave A touch uv glory or the grave To the big show. It was jest that; I know, becos it took my 'at, An' smacked an ole chap's face with it, The which 'c didden like a bit, An' , said so, with 'c's nose quita red ... Say, dearie: where is fancy bread? • • • BOOKS—AND A DESERT ISLE. Yesterday we Jeft "Foolish Fred" on the edge of treasure trove on his island. Here-he is, on the air once more:— I've read the signs, and that's why I'll need a notebook, to record the contents of the cases—l mean chests. Near the south-west corner of the lagoon stands a knoll with a skull and crossbones cut into its face, whilst a rum bottle stands embedded in the sand. Where there's rum there's treasure— ask any publican. There should be at 9d a nip. Under the knoll, but also under water, is the cave filled to the topmost stalacmite or tite with great boxes of treasure. But the sharks will be a nuisance. So I would be much, obliged if I could have a book on the "Piscatorial Science of Catching Big 'Uns," by Izaak Walton or someone. Also a snappy story about "Spanish Coins," old ones, plus their present value. But perhaps Franco would say: "It's not doubloons I want, me lad, it's heirlooms," And I'd have to sell the chests at half-price as curios. Also*a nice little brochure on "Gems, Old and Rare." by De Beers or Captain Kidd, would be' useful. I'm afraid I'd be stung badly unless I managed to swat up the prices. It would be pretty awkward wandering up Willis Street with a pocket full of "Koh-i-noors" and. a bunch of Cullinans wondering if I'm one of ■' those rich individuals or just a has-been. Anyway, Mr. Flags, I'm afraid.l've wandered away from the original point about the books, and I don't seem to know where I am or how I got here, so I just think it best to fade away and forget about the I island (desert), books (many) and treasure (none). P.S.—Very sorry I was late in ente*. ing the lists but was engaged els*. where. Congratulations on the column and the very best wishes for yourself