POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXIII, Issue 112, 13 May 1937, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

Bt Percy Flage.

Contracting a marriage- usuallj means an expanding of liabilities. * i.. ■ ■*:,' * The Coronation business seems to have gone ofi extremely well, in spite of the modern Caesar's tent-sulking. » * * Decorations.—What does the poor barber do—put up a second pole? ' .•-.;• WANGANUL • * * "Bolivar" (by 'phone): "If you, Mr. Flage, were, by unhappy chance, made a J.P., I presume the letters would stand, for 'Just Persiflage." '■•'■•»• • ■ '• -■::» '. "Ken".—Perhaps II Duce has taken offence because the British Press has .not fully described the valorous re-., treat of his brave Italian legionnaires. #■''-. ♦ ■' # AIR MAIL: NO STAMPS. You can't send postal matter by six ■■ mail in this country-.without stamps. The Alaskan' Eskinids are more privileged. When a.,"plane's.-about; .to take off, for towns where the- Eskimos have friends, they' hurry to the field and write notes "on the "plane's tail. When a 'plane1 reaches its destination, the friends cluster round, reading; every word to see if there is any "letter" for them. The only disadvantage we can jsee in this kind of air mail is that,, if the 'plane crashes, there is no Deadletter Office to ■ return "letters" > to, senders. , . ♦ • : ■■:.•.■'.. LIMERICK COMPETITION. , Dear Mr. Flage,—Thanks for the opportunity of aventing: or amending (doesn't matter a darn which) per medium of this Holey Limerick,'a not : with standing, never the less, and oftrepeated grievance. There was an old man so morose That his feelings he'd never discios* Till his wife asked for cash— '■ Then, like lightning, he'd flash •■ HIS SOX—with great holes in the toei. YoUrs more Roseily, PUTYER FUTINIT. [ There was an Old man so morose : (A contrary old chap, I suppose) ;.' Whenever 'twas sunny, - , Said: "I know I'm: dashed funny; : But I don't care a hang if it snows." ; ■:;■■■': L. W.HOBBS. ■ • ■ • ,* *:, .-■'..; HOWLERS. Dear Flage,—Here are a few-"howl- [ era" which may be new to Postscript- \ ers:— " .. ■ , \-,.-' « - ] A parable is a heavenly story with Ino .-earthly meaning. : v ~ ■'. Christians are allowed only one wife, ; which is called :mondtony;;x ; A cuckoo is a bird' that lays other ' birds' eggs, in it3.own jiest, and viva : ■ voce.' ■ : . '.'"' ■■.'.- A monologue is a 'conversation be*, : tween two people—such'as,.husband I and wife. ' ■ ''' ■'. " ' v Queen 'Elizabeth rode ," through 1 Coventry with nothing on, !and Raleigb., offered her his cloak.' • On one side of a penny is the king's , i head; on.the other side:is a. young i ■ Ilady riding a bicycle. 'They call her Ruby' Tanyer:v i ' ( s •■.-■■- ■ ■ . i ... Thomas, a'Be,cket| flved,^,, dissipated life.' Three nights :killj2d: hirri. I • Napoleon wasJsent tb' St.'Helens for his confinement. ,' . ' . \-: . .L.D.A. :;'■■ '.-r'-ti:;■■»' , > ■ * ■ : "HOWITZER" AT THE MIKE. The Canterbury-Wellington game yesterday would hardly cause that happy band Of, pessimists to begin waving sticks, throwing hats skyward,, and shouting: "'Ray!' We'll whack them Springboks!" :'.,■ ■ The selectors cannot say conscientiously that the Capital's Corona- - tion showing was crowned with success. NO, sir. ■•.,'.' Nolan kicked Canterbury to victory and Wellington to despondency, despite the efforts of Watt and Le Quesne to run the visitors off their "feet. No doubt these two will be marked down as among the two hundred or, so required for the preliirunary sorting out by our Big Six in their endeavours to find the right hunters to corral the Springboks: / ' , . •' Afterthought. Now there's-Hooper: It looked as though Skipper Griffiths did not feel" at home when the Canterbury five-eighth meant business. MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. "Gawd Save King George, Our Grashus King/ ' • . Let the- whole world hees praises sing, And may 'er Majesty the Queen, On who our peoples also !ean, An' their two loverly daughters, be The. Hempar's guide on land or sea." Them was my thoughts on Wednesday, dear, ' ' ' ; When the guns shocked the hatmosphere, An.' through the streets the people went On pleasure an' on dooty bent. I stayed 'ome nursin' uv my Bill, An' though I didden see it, still, I visionised the scene,1 which mad« Me no more- not the least afraid That if that Musso starts a fight _ (It may be aU jest blatherskite) With the Ole Dart, our country fair— N.Z. that is'—would not be there. But all the same, I wouldn't like To be a King. I'd go on strike Unless they gave me a free 'and To run the show, you understand, As I thought fit, like dear old Vie, Who was, in many ways, a trick, Fussy-'n'-narrer sometimes—but When 'er Prime Minster tried to cvi Acrorss 'er path,, 'er -Majesty Would put 'im in hees place, an' 'c Gravelled, would tell hees Cabinet: "Blokes—what a dame!" An' don't forget ...'■■ i Queen Artne. She took no.hinterest in Rtilin', and such. 'Er carnoil sin Was brandy—loads uv it. "They say She would .get-- canned most hevery day, ■ .. . An' never went to church a tall . . , It jest seems that Madrid can't fall. ■■ .■#■••-.■ #■■■'-■:■■■■.• : BE: ON THE WINNER! ■ In London, if you are a friend or your bookmaker, of he is a friend of yours, you have no difficulty in backing the winner of almost any big race. We are not talking nonsense; it's a fact. Does the idea thrill you? Well, read on. A well-known Fleet Street-er, a big man in. his way, went to Ladbroke's (perhaps the richest bookmaking firm in England) to hear the Grand National on the wireless. Listen in to his story:— "What would it cost me to back the winrier?" ' "Thirty-three pounds," was the reply. "That is to say, if you pay us £33 you can have the odds to the, winner for £1." As Royal Mail started at 16 to- 1, I would have lost £16. If a 100 to 1 outsider had been successful, of course, I would have made £68. Get me? The narrator says that this is by no means an unusual type of bet over there. There are people who lay bets with their friends that, they will be on the winner as well as on the placed horses. All they do, obviously, is to have a few shillings each way on every horse in the race. It pays, too, if outsiders fill the places, but if the favourites roll home.... Now, Postscripts bettors, see if you can make a deal with your bookmaker- ..-,...-