POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXX, Issue 144, 14 December 1935, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGS

It looks as though the Laval-Hoare dove of peace has gene and ?3id a square egg. « * » It is said that Heaven helps those who help themselves. If that is true, Mussolini may confidently claim that Providence is on his side. • * * # ' If America's national debt continues to expand at the present rate, the war debts will soon look like the price of a "minny" receiving set. ■ - ■ ■-■ *■..»• «• ; . "Amos-'n'-Andy" desires us to pass on this mot of Rabelais to our Xabour Cabinet: How shall I be able to rule over others, that have not full power and command over myself? *.■•.* ; There was no need ("Curious") for England to adopt Karl Capel's invented word, robot. "Android"—an! automaton resembling a human being —has been more or less in use since "- the middle of the eighteenth century. * * ••■■■■'" WE AGREE. Our garden-lover friend who will say "aquilegia" in preference to "columbine," returns to the charge, with a neat little bomb: "I'm sure," she writes, "you will admit that 'linaria' is more musical than 'toad-flax'—the common name." * «• * USELESS WORRY. / It's a great and glorious feeling to find that after you've worried yourself stiff over some problem, your anxiety was all unnecessary. . : The story goes that a sergeant was ' making his way about his platoon one dark night, and hearing the roar of a "G. I. can" overhead dived into - * shell-hole. It was already occupied by a private, who was hit full in,-the wind by the non-com's head. A moment's silence—a long, deep breath, and then—-"Is that you, Sarge?" "That's me." , . "Hot dog! I was just waiting for youi to explode." •* • •■'■"■'• TALKING OF ERAS. .!.' Travelling back to New Zealand recently on the good old s.s. Remuera, I had a bit jDf fun at the expense of a few passengers. It happened thus: • I approached some of the apparently more intelligent, with the following query: "Can you tell me how the period of Queen Victoria's reign is commonly designated?" Occasionally, but by .no means invariably, the correct answer was returned—viz., "the Victorian era." The next question ran, "And what was the succeeding reign termed?"—; Answer: "The Edwardian era." "Right And can you inform me what era we are living in at the present time?" The unanimous answer to this was: "The Georgian Era"—to which I re-: plied, "Wrong! We're in the-'RemiK era'!"—then ran for my life. : L.D.A. ■:■ * * " • ■; SCHOOL'S IN. ; Do you know that— :■• (1) Kathleen Mavourneen, Britain's mammoth lorry, is 72ft long, has 14----wheels, and can carry a load of 130 tons? ' ■■..•■;' ■■■■;■ ■--■ —:---- - (2)-. Under the existing Jaw, Ohio postmen must be bitten twice by the" same dog before the dog is considered" vicious? .-■'■■ ': (3) On the 19-acre site of the prei war Earl's Court Exhibition a new exhibition centre capable of housing ah audience of 25,000 is being erected? " (4) Juan Belmonte, Spain's most dynamic matador, will, on his last appearance (in Venezuela) receive £14,000 for four corridas—ten hours in the ring? -. ' ■ (5) At Sturminster Newton (Dorset); £20,000 worth of sheep, pigs, cows, and calves were slaughtered because two calves infected with foot-and-mouth disease were discovered in the market? . (6) Two Australian or Norwich terners were sold in England last montli for £675 apiece? ". (7) A tortoise from the Galapago Islands weighing 3501b, with a shell measuring 3ft 9in, recently arrived at ' the London Zoo? (8) There are only 152 non-military aeroplanes in Japan, as against; 1055 in Britain and 9284 in the United, States? ■ . (9) The electric lamp was invented, in 1854 by a German mechanic of New York, Keinfich Gpebel? (10) The British gas companies proV duce 300,000,000,000 cubic feet of gas a year, use 17,427,000 tons of coal a year, employ 113,000 men, and have, 51,307 miles of gas mains? , . * • • ".' BALLADE OP A GLOOM.GOS- ' PELLER. . ■- £ His countenance is grim and long, j Mostly his nose is purply red. * He never lifts his voice in song : When life grows cheerfullerj iain sj:ead — j His finer feelings having fled—• ."»; He brandishes a clammy fist, j! And snaps his teeth, discomfited ..*« Behold the perfect pessimist. ( When things go right instead of wrong This mole, to gloom eternal wed, At whose approach youth's vibrant throng Goes suddenly and strangely deadr* He creeps disconsolate to bed, . Hating the good philanthropist And those who happiness haVQ spread ... Behold the perfect pessimist. - -< • He never plays chess or mahjong, Of games qua games he has a dread-^ Himself not being overstrong i < Either in heart 'or in the head; : ■:. He has not for his country bled; \ He claims to be an atheist Whose young illusions all havG fled . . . ■ Behold the perfect pessimist. ' He walks where angels fear to tread^, Mon prince, unkempt; unhung, un* kist, With putty face and feet of lead •_. «,. Behold the perfect pessimist. ■ i . jl 1 ».*,.. *•. ""i "THE LORD LOVETH-—" A little New Zealand Maori story; this time, about a very rich old chief* tain who was, also a notoriously careful spender; untying his purs^strings was as much a miracle as resurrecting Massa from the cold, cold ground. / Approached one day by. a Maori; church worker with a view to a sub»3. scription, the following -Aristophaneao] dialogue occurred:— .......'.'. "You help our- new church, Fotae. eh?" "Orraright. I give you te sixpence.*} •*"Te sixpence!! Py corry, that werj;' small." "Ne'mine. If you no like, you jyo take." "Oh, .werra, I take him. "What I put in te book?" "You put 'from te friend.' No, put my name." " 'Te friend'!! Py cripes, no, that no* te word. I tell you te better one— I put 'from te'giver'—te prurry cheef* ful giver'!" , ' TUKAPA KOKd ! . Mangaia, Cook-Islands.