POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIX, Issue 88, 13 April 1935, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Commtnl

BY PERCY FLAGE

Anyhow, April showers will be. no novelty to our new Governor-General.

This is a windy city. No sooner da the politicians go home than a southerly arrives.

Another group of London speculators got badly "gunned up" trying to corner shellac. That's the unvarnished truth.

"What would the average working man do if he were suddenly presented with £1000?" asks a daily paper. Nothing.

Frosts have ruined the bulk of tha vineyard crops in the Bordeaux region. You can't blame Nature; it was man who started planned production. V, ■ t, *

, SLIPS,

From a S.I. provincial sheet—

Will the working man of today ba better or worse off with a maximum of 30 hours a week? We say that h* would not. . ■ .

From the Leeds "Mercury"— . Question: Why are there locks ia the Panama Canal?

Answer: They were necessary in order short pictures in France. Before that she been a singer in th« pictures. ! THE MAN WHO WAS TWO. Another strange coincidence. A warrant was issued (in. Ireland) for the arrest of a man on a charge of false pretences. The description was: Irish; 6ft 2in tall; soldierly appearance; curl over forehead; left arm crippled by shot through elbow; gives name of O'Hara. The police found an O'Hara who fitted the description exactly. He strongly denied the offence, but was remanded in custody. Next day a telegram arrived from a neighbouring police station: . "O'Hara in custody. Please send escort." O'Hara No. 2 was fetched and proved to be an exact replica of O'Hara Kb. 1. But it was O'Hara No. 2 who admitted th<* offence. • IN CASH OR KIND/ Follow-up letter employed upon ungrateful patients by a medical man «f Paige, Texas. •-,..■ : NOTICE. I expect a prompt settlement of all accounts, due me. If not possible to settle in cash, any of the following . named articles will be. acceptable, viz;— ' /.; Cotton Seed, Chickens, Ducks, Geese, Turkeys. Billy Goats, Live Cat Fish over lib each, Bull Dogs, Registered Bird Dogs, Live Wild Cats, Poised China Hogs, Skunk .Hides (dry), Deer Hides. Shot Guns, Cedar Posts, Watches. Gold Teeth, Diamonds, Cream Checks. Pine Trees . (2ft in diameter x. 30ft long), Automobiles, new or second-hand. Peanuts. Black. Eyed Peas. Liberty Bonds. Land Notes, Bacon. 'Lard. Country ,Hams. Clean Goose Feathers. Soft Shell Turtles over 51b each. Anything that can be soli. for cash legally. I NEED THE MONEY. « #■-■■» SCHOOL'S IN. Do you know that— 1. One of Germany's latest models is a big truck for cross-country deliveries, which is run by gas generated from wood? : ' 2. "Nick" Tartaglione, the "biggest man in the world," weighing 6191b, died last month of pneumonia? 3. One of the items listed in Britain's last Civil Appropriation Account was "Secret Service, £178,608 14s 6d"? 4. Shinobu Uemura, of Yokohama, has confessed to stealing 69 sewing machines from schools in less than a year? 5. There are in the United States 50 patents earning £200,000 a year, 309 earning £100,000 a year, and 2000 earning at least £25,000 a year? 6. That that most sublime of all international fizzles, the World Economic Conference, cost Britain £26,471, plus £1750 for "general hospitality"? 7. The 50-year-old wife of a humble farmer named Li Hsi-wu, who lives near the mining town .of Tangshan, China, has given birth to. quintuplets —three boys and two girls? . 8. America reports that Charlie Chaplin won't work because the Government took £125,000 in taxes from the last £200,000 of his pay? 9. The biggest loaf of bread ever baked in Britain was 42 inches high and weighed 911b? It was made for the Exhibition of British Art in Industry?! 10. A golfer at Canberra killed a running hare at 15 yards by throwing his driver at it? ' . ■ ••■ ■~«.'..#■.■ * * BALLADE OF GREAT UNREST. The captains and the kings depart (As Rudy ard said); and that - will do To give our. plaintive lines a start, For we are purple-black and "blue.* It isn't flatulence or "flu," ; Caresses that one's peace destroy: It's just that everything's askew . . « Tune up the balalaika, boy. ■ Strange pangs through our aorta darV Our cerebellum's like tp glue, We scoff at sin and sneer at artj . And all that sort of ballyhoo.. ; There is no comfort in home-brew, No zest is there iri life—no: joy; : No plan of man we scan is true ..•#.. Tune up the balalaika, boy. Sing us the song of Britomarte, Of Broceliande and Gudrun, too- _ (Great lovers both!), for hot tears smart Our weary eyes like dismal dew. Chant Us the "blurb" of Dan McGrew, Of Nell, the Faris-ite of Troy, , With all our soul we conjure you .. « Tune up the balalaika, boy. ENVOI. ; . : Oboes and saxes pierce us through, Even the double bass can cloy; So, ere the "willies" come anew, Tune up the balalaika, boy. •:«■',* * MUSHROOMS IN BRIEF. Dear Flage,—Turning the Nelson' eye on all due warnings such_ as "Trespassers will be Prosecuted," "Keep Off," etc., many motorists and their travelling associates are: tramping over hill and dale in quest of that edible fungus known as the mushroom. The true mushroom is divided, roughly, into three classes: today's, yesterday's,, and others—the last being very common. Then they, are often subdivided again (gently this time) in kitchen utensils. It may well be said of the mushroom, "Here today and gone today." Of the gourmet who knoweth not the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool it may be said, "Here today and gone tomorrow." Mushrooms are white on top like most rooms, although it ought to be pointed out that archijtects do not specially design mush rooms in dwellings nowadays; any room being readily adapted to this purpose when the fleet is in harbour. The mushroom of today is very small .fry to. those of the good old days : I (them was the days) when mushroom towns and settlements used to- spring up overnight. These, however, wej». generally tough in texture and Ui>» palatable to a refined epicurean tnst*. ••;' .yratsßi':>