POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVIII, Issue 94, 18 October 1934, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

A new depression low was reached in Lps Angeles last month .when ■ a bandit staged two hold-ups armed with an ice-pick! •'« ■ * Mr. Walter Elliot has been so used to being egged on that it must have come as a, surprise <o encounter people who tried to egg him off. * ♦ - • More Great War casualties. .A! farmer of Brzozow, Galicia, found a hand grenade. Ho used it as a temporary hammer. Now he- and three] friends are getting along nicely in; hospital. * • ■'•■.,.■ Further proof that.temperance makes for longevity. "Captain" Arnold Mil« leiy of Drogheda, who recently celebrated kis 94th birthday anniversary in the best of health, explained that for many years he has limited himself strictly to one quart of whisky a day, * » * SOS. M. Percy Plage,— Sir, —Being a hard shell hedonist, searching for esoteric knowledge (as diligently as Japhct sought a father) of what is termed unendurable/ pleasures indefinitely prolonged, 1} chanced in a library on a fusty parehi ment alleged to contain a message from.Cleopatra tp'Marc Antony. It is in Code X referred to by Ahasuerus in iiis "Musings on the Immutable." X. havp failed to decode one line, and now seek the aid of a reader for assist* ancc, for which he or she will be suf* fieiently rewarded. The puzzling linol is:— CUA SMS TIAN A X OM EPN DEJ EE 0 M El MEM ON GEL X. "With thanks for your very kind help* Yours fraternally, . DONGIO. | # •* * ! AS WROTE. Highlights in the year's mail of Wai* ter Grimaldi, Superintendent-Registraj for a great area, of North London: theyj rclato to births, deaths, and marriages—* We have received yours truly. I airi his grandmother and grandfather. Hei was born and brought up in answer tqj yours. Any inflammation you can give m«j about my sou will bo depreciated. Dear Sir, —I havo received your let* ter with regrets for which I thank you* Sir, —I am forwarding my inarriagei certificate and my two children, one of whom is a mistake. In the advent of my husband's deathj My son has an experiment in his throat and cannot talk. I will bring round my son. so as yoit can see he's a real one, though I ami not his mother. • - My son is on. the Labour and cam. not denounce the birth of a son. '. * cve v . ♦ SHIPPING INTELLIGENCE. Vander built an elaborate yacht To capture the coveted pacht. And Sopwith's Endeavour Was vain, for he never Beat Rainbow, whoso crew were tofl hacht! "Police Gazette" news.-—When ths local "village constable" read of the* proposed exchange between -three! Scotland .Yard detectives and thrcoj New. Zealand police officers, he exclaimed,,"First I'vo heard of it! , I wonder who the other two "will be! >JAnd'" apropos this, wouldn't it serve! tho purpose just as well if we had at£ exchange of crooks instead? A dozen! master cracksmen, say, could be dis* tributed along pur shores and thud give every budding Sherlock Holmes an! equal chance;, whilst .'at the same timai a team of All Black Burglars could; exercise their wits against "sooperioij fooree"! . . : . ' ■ This week's prize Maori stoiy:—Nofj far from Waitangi is an unbridgedi stream which, a,t high tide, presents at difficult and dangerous crossing for pedestrians. This fact lias caused afi least one Chatham Islander to believd, in the equality of man. Said Kauri:; "One ting about knee gumboots, ehoa* When te river very deep te poor man) an' te rich man, te Maori an' tepakeba, in fae' everybody, on te same foot* ings!" HAYSEED. Chatham Islands. ■ « * * SHE HAD DREAMT. You have heard of the Woolwortlf heiress who unaccountably wedded onet of the Mdivani princelings. As her hus' band plays, polo, and lots of other out* door pastimes, the little millionaires^ has so much time on her hands that sha has taken to writing verso. It ia herj ono secret vice. She is one of the few: poetesses who can afford to laugh ati callous editors and publishers, being able to afford to bring out her own works. Our lady postscripters in! especial will be glad to have a sample of tho Princess's poems. Here it is, then — I had dreamt your love would be A simple, lovely thing, Unfraught by savage words That lead to suffering. I had dreamt your love would 1)» As a blossom-laden May, Fragrant for tho mind to storeIn melodies of yesterday. But derision scorns my dream, -^ Has turned it ashen cold and grey, ( For love was dead within your heart When leaving me today. If that does not move the heart of her savage Georgian,, the Princess should purchase a battle axe. • * • * SALESMANSHIP. Those who have had their lives mad^ miserable by these high-powered-never* tako-no-for-an-answer salesmen may ap-prc-ciate this story. Tho' friend of a friend of ours who is a. rather well-to-dd farmer with a fondness for whippet!* had been so pestered by ono of the marathon talkers that ho lay in wait for him. Along came tho salesman oa his umpteenth attempt to sell the farmer another few thousands of insurance. ItS was a Sunday morning at that. Bofora tho canvasser could opea flro tho farmer attacked him in this wise: "Hello.' Just the man I wanted to see. Coma on down and have a look at the loveliest whippet a chap could wish to ownj Now here he is—the pick of the bunch, working up to his speed, a pedigree as long as your arm, sound as a bell, aud. a, guaranteed money-spinner. I'll sell him to you for half of what he's worth because I can see you're the sort of chap who deserves an opportunity like this." Tho salesman, pop-eyed, tried vainly to break in on the farmer's eloquence, but without avail. The paean of praise, heavily sprinkled with tho usual jargon, continued to charm tho Sabbath atmosphere and daze the victim. Finally, tho salesman managed to gasp: "But, man, I don't want a whippet. I can't afford to buy him, to say nothing of the fact that I can't afford to feed him. Tho wife hates dogs, anyhow, anil I'vo a wee- youngster who would probably want to kiss the brute, and would get diabetes or something." The farmer grinned. "All right, mr, boy," ho said, "we'll drop tho subject.' Mow maybe you'll understand how I feol when you come hounding mo to lake out now policies I don't want and ran.'!: afford, really." Then they had a whisky.