POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Issue 56, 7 March 1934, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE It's difficult "to realise, isn't it, thafi Douglas Jardine could ever be of a retiring disposition. *-" .'»'-». Another bothersome risk about local earthquakes is that one of these days we may have to go without those time signals for quite a while. - * ■ * • At _ least so far as the Manchukuo frontier is concerned, the Soviet authorities believe that every bullet should have its billet doux. - * ■ »•'■-*. DID. YOU; SEE "DISRAELI?'.' Here is a "howler" perpetrated by;' a Hawke's Bay scholar in the recent proficiency, examination:— Question: Name the British states* man who purchased shares in the Sue£ Canal Company for Britain. Answer: George Arliss! .» | ' » -» » BETTER OFF* ' ■ •A panegyric of Tarong Park Zoo in£ 'Life"ends as follows:—"Queensland has no;zoo. ... Canberra, the capital of Australia, has no zoo, contenting itself with a very costly and ornate Houss of Parliament." Wellington can say that it offera, a choice of diversions, li has both. - , WANGANUI. Al, * . *■ '' '•.-•■■ GOADED ON. - Dear, Flage,—The- unemployed marchers upon the House of Commons havo evidently been uncommonly; hungry. One bit a. policeman. By gosh, he MUST have been.feeling tha pangs of hunger badly. Yet a spoke's? man for. these hunger-marchers say» that they are fed up with constitutionalism (which ought to be strong in! vitamins) and that if they are not called to the Bar of the House they will, not be responsible for the consequences. Surely the authorities will realise that;thirst has driven men mad before today* WINSH. ■-* ••■-.■*' «■••■*,-...• ; ' SENSATIONAL DEVELOPMENT. -. Ladies and gentlemen. There hays been sensational developments in th_ "Ossie" v. "Gaping-Arthur" metrical melee. Both contestants have beeii disqualified for life—this and the next* Our infallible planchette revealed thati " Ossie V is -what they term on tha( race tracks a _" ringer "—a yweight-f or* ager-sailing, under hack coiours. Tho New Zealand Racing Conference is toi deal with him. "Gaping Arthur" came under the. displeasure .of the judge for misproper languages .Tho use of such a low epithet as "damn:" in such a sensitive and delicately* minded column"as this is hotly resented* We regret having to take such a dra's* tic step because . otherwise ''G.A.'s.' * professional conduct was exemplary, In defiance of,precedent .the prize goesj to "X.Y.Z.," a non-_ompetitor, fori "butting" in like this:—- ---""'" Mary -had a litle goat, 'In truth, a trifle boney;' y A '-i Its skinny shape Mado "Arthur" gape, ■ And tickled "Oss" (Petone). A consolation prize (from our own privy .purse) is awarded the New Zealand. Welfare League for its strict neutrality in this matter. '-•■ ' ' « .- ' * . * •HAIL THE GREEN SHIRTS!, Well, the Green Shirts- have -arrived* Their; appearance was, of: cburseV onlyj a question of time. Tieir centre ia. Brussels, their, leader one Joris Van!' Severen, who served with great gal* lantry during the war, and their ideals the joining up of all the Dutch.peoples and the' carving out of a new'nation in the West of- Europe. Van. Severen,, who is an ex-Deputy in the Belgian! Chamber, has organised many "Green: Houses," in which are propagated his sensitive political plantlings. His party; began as the; " Dietsche National Solidarists," a.; name now shortened to' '' Dinasos. {' In the Flemish districts o$ Belgium it was an immediate success* Its members wear Fascist uniforms consisting "chiefly''of a green' snirf, aridi. they are subjected to severe discipline* Van Severen's ambition is to. create a new confederation to be known aa( "Dietschland"—a national unit iv Flanders, leaving Holland to come (bij be dragged) in later. This "Dictator", has established 22 " Dinasos" houses with luxurious cafes open to all who ' care ,to patronise them, the tradcj unions he has formed boast .7000 members, and the official newspaper he ha 3 established is bought by over 10,060j subscribers, -, For the present thai "Dinasos'.' tries to counteract all foreign elements opposed to the. ideaU of the movement. .' «- «' * .' ALIVE, ALIVE OH!, ."I cannot sing the old-songs," Because, when I begin, Some hand turns on the wireless, - With all its far-flung din. There's' many a goodly product, A -;■_■■'• The grocer has to sell, ... Comes home in tidy tin cans !' That serve the household well, y But-you, who dine on fishes, Snared in the trawler's mesh; ■;.*" ■ And you, who sup on mushrooms,: Do you not like them fresh t And watercress and lettuce We gather for our tea, With flowers to dock the table, ;A Fresh they have got to be. That's howl like my music— -r '-,\ All other should be banned; ~'\ I cannot sing tho old songs— ' They're all preserved and canned* .Yes, yes, 1 know precisely'_' What you're about to say: "Vast benefits of wireless!" We'll talk ariother day. -.-'-' _ * * ON THE ETAPLES FRONT. Bonsoir, "Sarge"! "Diggers" wh» sojourned at Etaples will remember a well-known colonel there in charge of the "Enzcd" camp. He was an' old campaigner, a strict disciplinarian, but not unjustly severe. Using a little per* suasive bluff he obtained results wherei other means often failed. He would toll the men that a soldier's life consisted -of five per cent.-pay, five per, cent, leave,, the balance mostly distasteful duties. One day he ordered a squad to level off a sandhill. Returning later to'sco tho progress made, ho was astounded to find some men actually, trying to dislodge the santi with, picks* They were all dismissed. Next he put some Maori Pioneers.to work. "Get the job finished by 5 o'clock," he told them, "and a special meal will be waiting for you." At four-thirty tho Pioneers were lined up at the cookhouse. They were well satisfied with the "binder" provided. On. another, occasion all ranks were ordered on parade. Said the colonel: "Men! I had occasion to walk round the lines last night and the language heard was shocking. It has to stop. If you must swear, use less profane words. Think what will happen when you return home! You'll be showing the girl friend your collection of photographs. Possibly my picture will bo among them. She'll'say: 'Oh, Jack! Who is that good-looking officer?' Quite unconsciously you'll remark: 'Oh! that's the old blanker who had charge of us at Etaples.' Take my -advice,, men!,-; Moderate your language now before it'a|! too late." - ;'