POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVII, Issue 50, 28 February 1934, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLACE

Add similes: As insignificant as the word "significant" on the jacket of almost any new novel. ♦ '■'# '■■'#■■''•''' Mr. Forbes confesses that he regards Editors as supermen—and especially when they agree with him. . ..' ■ •# •■ #■•■'. '#■■' ■: '. A partner in a Sheffield firm of wuJJmakors died recently leaving £2000 t» bo divided among the employees. Tbst'i not to be sneezed at. ♦ , ,>■•■.» Logically, it was the "Daily Mail" that should have been, the first to discover that Austria , might go Fascist and tie up with Germany. Lord Rothcnuere recently espoused the Mosley cause. .» .. . #■.'...• BY .SPECIAL REQUEST. it is only because "Billy Boy," aged 9, wishes it that wo reprint this oldtimer. Weather Man: Put down rain for ft certainty this afternoon. Assistant: Are you positive, sir? Weather Man: Yes, indeed. I've lose my umbrella. I'm planning to playgolf, and my wife's giving a lawn party. ♦ * ■■•■ * GOAT SAGA. says "Qspjiy of retime; Here's bit limciick. "When Co I cct a. prize, and what? ' Mary had a Jittle goat Which wasn't, old enough to vote, But still, that Vkid" ' - Could drink—and did!— Daily, a."tot" ol creosote. . . . ■ ■■ And now, "Gaping Arthur." it's u» to you. ■'. • ' ■ y . ; . , '• ■ • •»' ■-.;• ■'■•" ;■■■ ■* ■ ■'■. SCOTCH TERRIER, PRESUMABLY. Dear Sir,—R e story of L. It. Lincoln. I once owned a dog, a very brainy pup it was, too. You see, I used to give it a penny to go clown to the pastrycook's to buy a bun, and off it would go with tho penny in its mouth. Well, one time, six days went past, and though I was giving my dog the ponny do . / buns were arriving. I went, down to tho shop and saw the man behind the counter, and he said the dog never went near his shop now. Anyhow, at the end of the week my dog came home with seven buns; he had read about selling seven buns for sixpence. SMILING THRU. ♦ ■■■* • POSTED . . . MISSING. "Hencry."—But our w.p.b. is really and truly a most sympathetic one, "Wingfeathor."—lt has had its whiskers rehiovcd. Thanks for note of appreciation. < "Gasper."—Sovry, but we arc not dealing in crude personalities ut the moment. "Offa."—Bad luckl You wcra beaten to that one by another client. "N. Ebodj'. "—Silly mistake, wasn'k it? Story not quite up. "Batman."—An "old-timer" anecdote that has been floating around this planet living on its reputation. "M.O."—NO. "Elderberry Wine."—Promising for a first attempt, though the metre is » trifle rocky. "Wot A'baht It?"— Well, wot! -• * * * POET LOOKS ON PENCAr'ROW. Dear Flage,—Have you ever stool at tho cutting above Breaker Bay and thought along these lines? At night, of course,/b,ut not necessarily alone:— Right at the harbour n.outh sho stands, The great Peucurrow light, ' Flashing a warning message '■ Through every hour of the night. Ships that liu.il fi om across tlio sea Heed well her blinking eje; Like somo gigantic Cyclops, sho Watches us they go by. And when they've passed to have«£ safe, '' Sometimes none too soon, When no more ships have need of he* Sho ,bliuks her ,cyp, at the juoon. Naked'and bare, she's always Iher©, Through every hour of the night, A symbol of rest to the beating breast The great Pencariow light. SPOKESHAVE. ♦ « ♦ SHOPS AND SHOPPERS.' Neither you nor I, *of course, but aren't some shoppers irritating? 1 was m a shoe store one morning last week when a tall, giaceful woman, willowed in and said languidly 'to the* assistant; "I want a pair of shoes, please." " Shoes! Ye gods! Dia she expect to bo biought a ham? 1 gathered she was not particular whether they were red, giey, or green, lace or button, sports or dancing, two's, four's, or six's. What would you have said had you been the assistant? This ons didn't. She was a model of tiict and / courtesy. Personally I would have considered her justified in bringing & pair of infant's shoes and going off to attend to another customer for tea minutes. But shoppers are not the only foolish' folk in Wellington. Oh dear, no. Ono fine morning, I went to Sant Jyff's to buy. a.hat and, after trying one on, took it off and held.it on my hand, considering the price. It' wouldn't fit with the amount I had to spend, and thev exalted porsonagc' who was attending to. me, '; if earing that sho might not effect a sale, said, per* suasively, "It looks charming oh your hand, madam! " No doubt she had been, moved up fronx the glove counter for telling sonic woman that a pair of grey] suede would, look, charming on her ears. Then there was the little assistant in a shop in Willis Street, now no. longer in existence, whom I asked for net edging. She looked rather startled for a moment,'and: then said,".Must it be.net edgitog?" Tho correct answer, of course, is '''Oh, no! A card of hooks or a roll of red velvet would do!" But I hadn't tho heart to make it. ..'.•'•. ) Once upon a time--I asked meekly, at the button counter for "Yellow bone buttons, please" and the frightening person I had had the* temerity to address snapped briskly, "Yes, what ccl« our please?". • One noeds much time and ptitienca mV a: certain .shop in Cuba Street, Having asked: for "Ecru cotton, net, please," I waited while avague assistant,fumbled in a box under tho counter and finally said, "Hero is a cream one." "No, not cream, ecru cotton net..", "We've " got •«.' white spotted one." "No, not whito spotted, ocru. cotton net, please.'' More fumbling, and then to a junior, "Get down that bo* of silk nets from the-top shelf." I gave it up in despair. ■•■■.-• Shop windows provide sometimes more amusement than is intended. Did you S ee displayed in a Manners Street window some time ago a box of knives with a card imprinted "Knives! Almost stainless "f ■ . A Newtdwn shop window ran a close second with a shelf of tumblers marked. "Semi-Unbreakable tumblers." Not very fay from town there is a chemist Whose window one morning showed a very fine display of brushes. A card on one read, "Ebony, 7s Cd." And the next, "Real ebony, 14s 6d." I-didn't dare conjecture wliat genuin* ebony would cost.- • .', ' , *' ' ■ CHANGELING,