POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVI, Issue 100, 25 October 1933, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLACE

Chronicle and Comment

Add similes: As impermanent as th# modern French Government. • * • . Do not run away with the notion that Jim Londos is the only world's, "rasslcr" champion. There aro at least three others back there in tho States.. » » , • It quite cheered us up over the weekend to read that W. E. Gladstone and Joseph Chamberlain were, and. Lloyd George and Mussolini are, shockingly; bad writers. ' « « * '*■ ' If,tho Mexican jumping bean and great amorcuse, Lupe Velez, -doesn't change her mind her latest' fiance, Weismuller, the swimmer "star," will presently plungo into the 'troubled waters of matrimony. -. From the "West Point Pointer":1 We like to know little intimate details about groat men, but when the Now York "Times Book Review" prints an, article entitled "Tolstoy as.His Wife Saw Him" we think that is going at, little too far. « "r a : MOKE MODEBN PKOVEKBS. t * Forwarded -by "Penny Plain," ait exile in these parts, in a newspaper clipping:— ' A miser is known by the money h» keeps. ....-■ , ( It's a long Jane that has no curves. Two's company; the third is a chaperon. A bjain is only as strong as its weakest think. *. '*.-.* TENSE. Dear Flage,—Salesmanship as a commercial art must adapt itself, to chang* ing economic conditions; otherwise it' falls short of its objective and, drives custom away. Take the case of my: poor, misguided tailor, who is either not abreast of the times or has ontstripped them in his imagination. He meets me in the street friendly, like (I owe him nothing but satisfaction), and he says: "Ah, nice spring weather. That suit has worn well!" "Pardon me," I replied, more in sorrow than i» anger, "this suit is wearing well!" WINSH. ♦ ♦ ■.♦■•;■■ PLEASING SOUNDS. Flage.—Under this heading I have the hqnour to submit the following:-— (1) The ma-in-law kissing her daughter a long farewell; (2) the "wottaboutersmallone?" after 5 p.m.; (3) the tinkle of ice in a long glass suitably filled; (4) bagpipes skirling under somebody, else's window two blocks away; (5) ditto a melancholy tomcat; (6) tho. whistle of the train that takes the wife off on a long holiday; and (7) the loudspeaker in the flat above crashing to tho floor. Do these, get your usual prize for such competitions?, ballyhoo: • •* :.. • THE IKBEPBESSIBLE CAPPY. "Uriah Heep" writes: —Herewith another advertisement of our . friend .Cappy Cook. Not as amusing, I should say, as some previous ones, but the matrimonial section is entertaining, and probably worth using for your famous column. Hero is tho matrimonial section ot Westport's Wardour Street eurio magr nate: — ' Widow, fat, fair, and forty. Sound in wind and limb. No known vices. Wants to remarry. For a fiver we will find you a partner, arrange: the wedding, pay all fees. TO BE HAPPY, DEAL WITH CAPPY. Something of: a "character," thil Cappy. # ' #./ PEACE! PEACE! (Sung by the Bajah of Bhong.) Extra topical .verses, by 0. Stanley) Brown, Wanganui, for a local performance of the "Country Girl." ' Now the lads of my village, though given to pillage, Are really a fine type of chappie; For they all still delight in the old style! of fightin' : And so aro'Contented and happy. _, Though tho nations may say they will all do away With their guns, both on land and o» water, Yet the people of > Bhong they will still go on strong • , •" With, their time-honoured pastime of slaughter. . : Peace! Peace! Oh for somo peacel Disarmament's coming along; But our country's so small, it won't touch us at all , In the beautiful valley of Bhong. Chorus — Peace! Peace! Oh for some peacel Disarmament's coming along. Solo— But we live our own lives, and we make our own knives In tho beautiful valley of Bhong. I have always been told that there'* nothing like gold As the soundest and best form of ■ ; money; . ■ -. ' But economists say that is not true to-* day, 'Cos tho state of the world is s» funny. Now a harem's quite nice, but it cost! a huge price, So I owe a big bill to my draper, And would you believe it, he wants t«j recoivo it Entirely in Government paper. Peace! Peace! Oh for some peaeel] He says it's been running too long, And ho wants me to pay in'his'new " fangled way In the beautiful valley of Bhong. Chorus — , Peacel Peace! Oh for some peace!; I think the economists wrong, Solo— But to wipe out my debit I'll raise Douglas credit In the beautiful valley of Bhong. People say it's not nice to adopt the device Harold Larwood employs in his cricket, For ho bowls at your head, so that; when you are dead Ho can easily knock down your ■ ( wicket.. But the native of Bhong, if he thinks you've done wrong, (As by stealing his wife or his cattle), ' i From the hillside will roll, a few rocks on your poll, And ho thinks that's as fair as a battle. Peace! Peace! Oh for somo peace! As gaily you journey along, When tho rocks como down rolling, it's bodylino bowling Gives zest to your travels in Bhong! Chorus— . ! . Peace! Peace! Oh for some peacel Bewaro1 as you're strolling along, Solo— For when rocks come a-roJling therc% bodylino bowling In the beautiful valley of JBhongt