POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVI, Issue 84, 6 October 1933, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE Dear Percy,—Saw what L.D.A. sair the other night—different colour —aui getting .better. DIGGEK. . • * • It is true enough, as Mr. Coatcs in a burst of inspiration says, that New Zealand's credit still stands high, in Britain, but our debit is eveii higher. » * • The would-be assassin of Dollfiiss ex-: plains that he shot only to draw at* tention to the fact, that the Chan* cellor was not aisuitable leader. Fortunately the restrictions on , carrying firearms are more rigidly applied in this country. • • .■ ' • . . . HOBO PHILOSOPHY. ; This is the philosophy of King Jeff Davis, president of the American Hobs* Convention: "The worlcl has gone goofy, bughouse. No one cares for the other fellow, except the 'boes' wh« live in the 'jungles.' A guy don't know what he wants, and don't know how to get it. He don't know when ha gets it, and, if he does, he'won't knot* what to do with it. And then whea it gets away from him he don't know, it's gone.": . i * '■ • * ' BAD ROADS. "Maloney" passes on this epigram* matie pronouncement by Bobbie Burns, no less: — " • I'm now arrived, thanks to the godslj Thro* pathways rough and muddy— A certain sign that making roads la not this people's study. And tho' I'm not with Scripturi crammed, • ' I'm sure the Bible says That heedless sinners shall be. damncl Unless they mend their ways. .*. * . • FIRE ON AIE LINER. Herewith anitem from a leading Newj Zealand paper. You appear to know, k most everything. Can you say howj this was done? , PARIS, Sunday. ! When a fire occurred at midnight 01* the Marseilles, in a mail 'plane, thai pilot ordered ■ the wireless operator t» | jump with his parachute, which was' safely accomplished, landing on thai banks of the River Lire. Despite tha | darkness the pilot meanwhile mastered the flames, .and, despite the daniaga one-of the ,-three engines descended safely at. the' Lyons aerodrome. ■■'■['■... A. LIRE. : ! Masterton. The engine mentioned wag elearlyj the O.C. The O.R. followed. '■'■'.'• ■•'■ , •* " ■• "HOWLERS" AND OTHERS. Dear Mage,— Here's the latest in Bchoolgirl "howlers," not from a local seminary* The' class was being examined on, the question of relative genders, and wheii the teacher asked what was the femi« i nine of "drake a sweet young thing; replied: "I know—Queen Elizabeth!" Perhaps it; was the same precocious little lady who,. after poring awhilei. over recent foreign news,- inquired' anxiously: "What's all this Dollfuss i about, mummy? Is anything wrong with Santa Claus?? , . Rather moro sophistication was shown: by a flapper with some sens©-of-hum* J oui\ Said her father: "Have you per*' mission to go out tonight!" And shai| answered: "Rather, pop, I've got at uian-date." ' ■ : L.D.A. - • - ■ • .*■ ■■ ■*. . -•'.;> - - . THE SNAKY PROFESSOR. Dear Mr. Flage,— "7; Glancing through the paper the. othe< day, I discovered a passage that de« serves commemoration in my inestw mable doggerel:— I sco that America's pole-sitting fftSj Has developed another that's almost as' bad, A professor in Yankee-land .lately has| made r ! A plan, that puts pole-sitting right in!| the shade.' :....• . He intends for five minutes "each soli."! tary day i With a poisonous snake to affection* i - ately play; I For he says that your every bad habifi I it breaks . -I If you romp every day with a eoupl«; of snakes. ■'; ' . . < But what is th» reason for this strange j display-— To nurse a dear snake for five minuted' a day? In a moment convivial did he *'see a, few." And resolve that he'd tamo and defeat one or two? Two faults of professors, you alway* will find, ; Are lack of real horse sense and ab* ' . senco of mind.' What scene for an author this poor man would make . If he romped with his wife and had! tea with the snake! By the way, I have discovered absolutely the world's worst couplet. After, this 0ne,,1 trust that there will b© no; more pretenders to the throne. This is positively the worst. It was written by that great master of English verse, Dryden, probably in a weak moment. It comprises part of a poem entitled:?! "To Lord Hastings With Smallpox,'*! and runs thus: Each little pimple had a tear in it/ I To wail the fault its rising dill commit. •• ■ j • And Dryden was supposed to use th«jl heroic couplet! JUNIUS. • • * # MOLEHILLS AND MOUNTAINS Dear Flagc, ■ .- . The day of the caucus is with us. For many years good oil has been com« ing from round about the Caucasus, bui one may as well endeavour to enter the Kingdom of Heaven through th© eya of a camel as get the "good oil-" aftex* ■a caucus meeting. Gi-ammaticallyj speaking, I would decline a caucus as provocative 'case, singular; A Turcoman con. man onco tried to sell me a slice of the Caucasus, but I declined it too. These Caucasus, as we-all'know, are high inaccessible mountains dividing Europe from Asia. The other Caucuses are often divided in themselves, and they, too, are inaccessible, separating, as they do (whatever they do do), the . common Adamistic elector from his at« tainment to the blooming Elysian Fields per medium of the fulfilment of preelection promises. Atlas once held up the whole world; caucuses merely hold up Parliamentary progress and the promise of pastures new. Unfortunately] we are no party to them; unfortunately we are not partial ta them, and for us the "do do" mentioned above might well be written "dodo"—whatever that may mean. If from the , humble moleskin we choose to make a mountain of a caucus like unto the proportions of the Caucasus, then—what is the issue* The mountain labours^—no, not that way, I must keep to a higher elevation. I mean that very often we behold nought but aiinouse that has hai a mountain lor a mother.' WINSM,