POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXV, Issue 120, 24 May 1933, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Commtnt

BY PERCY FLAGE

In his Empire Day message, ' ilia Acting-Prime Minister declares thai; New Zealand lias now reached ioclt« bottom. AVhutj again? * ■ • * ; «■' ' ' Hnrihahn: Tlic removal of Uie sales tax from floating docks is one of tli3 - most encom aging signs of the tmd* revival yet experienced in New Zca« laud. «■....♦•■■» It is felt that when the Four-Powei^ Pact becomes a reality it wilt have aiii electrifying effect pn the World Ecoih omic Conference. Our Prime- Minister* for one, would be all the better for a few volts. t • .;..*, • I IT SOUNDED LIKE THAT. Flnge,—After witnessing Monday night's wrestling bout, I am convinced that the grapplcr with the American B.A. degree sure- was a "bull artist.'* UNDERGRAD. , « .'•.■ ■" :.. ♦ .■■.•■'.■■■ .1 FRENCH A 8 WROTE. Arresting sign less thaa a. dorcit leagues from the' G.P.O.: — DAENIEEE CREATIONS. That's darn near Trench, but nolj qUite- T.THED. ~ . • i\ VERY. MIXED METAPHOR. I An interesting example from an Aus« tralian sporting editorial of metaphor; {jetting somewhat out of hand: — Let us all hope- that the heavy Fleet Street hammer, rudely thrown into th» Wclnuery by the Notts miner, Harold Larwood, will have been caught on tha wheel of good sportsmanship and- cast out to the four winds of heaven, with-, out ruffling feelings of sportsmen oa both sides who aie holfting the rcin»)>" of authority. Can't you imagine those Chilean; precisians fairly writhing over that!, , ♦ * * I CONUNDRUM. r Dear Plage,—ln view of the eagerl»| awaited interment of Old Man. Dcpresh v the following little conundrum, may bo apropos. I thought it out in. the silent watches of the night—l forgot to, wind .mine up. Hero she is:—Why is a Micky Mouse cartoon like a burial? Because one's quite a funny reel, and, the other's quite fun-e-rcal. See! And here's something else:—Thry; say money talks. Well, I'll tell you, when it stops talking; it is whoa! "Yes, I lent money" becomes • "i« 6ilcnt money.',' <■ . I Sorry, I should say L.D.A*. '~ • ' ■ • * *, EASY MONEY. You talk about piling pn Custom* duties in Trance. After all, the- French! taxpayer was importing dutiabi© articles. In New Zealand, books ara popularly supposed to be free- o£ Customs duties. However, I got a postcard inviting me to be present at thai General Post Office when an overscan parcel addressed to me was opened byj the Customs officer. It proved to b.» books, of which the value was taken, at twenty shillings. . Primage duty A, per cent, came to 7d. It was not thet amount that hurt, but the* idea of being charged 'duty on articles which, on high; grounds of culture, are said to be duty; free: if there is any profit left to that Government after bookkeeping expenses and Customs officer's time aro, allowed for,' they arc welcome to it* But what hurt most was another fcrt. payable to tho Post Office, although ak necessary stamps had been affixed at the other end, by way of what is called "clearance fee," for doing nothing at all. Easy money. A fmo. thing to ba a Postmaster-General. ' . , MacABERDEEN. *• * • POSTED . . . MISSING. "Rastus X."—Our fault, maybe, buti we get no thrill out of it.' "Melville."—But why "pearl"? "Callamart."—Bather out of cut "E.N.T.," "Junius," and "Whpozit."—• Thanks! Will appear when opportunity; ° "j'agga."—Old as' Everest, and aU most us "high." . "My, John."—Creditable for one olj your years. ' < ■-•■■■ ■; "0.E.R." — "Body-line" rhym«/ misses on all cylinders. J H H.—We "blasted" him, too. "Bcllpush."—Have no further par- . ticulars us to tho President's ban on Mrs. Eoosevelt's literary and "endorse ing" activities, beyond what we hav<jj published. , . . "Jonesey."—Cannot recall receiving any postscript matter under that pen* •'Eros."—The story of the cannibal! chief who developed hay foyer after] lunching on a grass widow is too fami u iar to bear republishing. Thanks al£ the same; # .'J >' WIEIHANA WETA IN BEPLY, We are proud, dear Mr. Plage, To be featured on your page, Though you slang us rather badly,Sir, I tell you, very glady, That we do not care a rush For the passing of the bush. , Doomed arc Eazed's birds and floral/ But, with foreign pests galora j We will mix, and we will thrive, /" Holy Gresham, we'll survive! / Let the weasels and the stoats, And the 'possums, deer, and goat« Slay our feathered enemies, /■ And destroy the native trees i_ i We can safely, snugly roll i Into any cave or hole; English" trees mako bonzer bunks, p Elders have nice hollow trunks; - Sure, no native tree is betaIt's a mansion for a wcta; And.no silly birth control Comes to vex a weta's soulLike all pests, we are go-getas— God's Own Land, for pests nnd weta,sl/ Till ive mcct —p'raps in your shoe — , Cheerio, good luck to you! "PEARLEEN/ ♦ ■ ■.*■■■ _• "SPOOKY" HOUSE. Mr. riagc,—Mom, to that tremendous and'extremely oddx private residency referred-to in ".School's In" last weekend. The lady, who developed chrome! morbidity after losing her babe and hei; husbaud, consulted a "medium," who assured her that death would not overtake her so long ns she continued tho building of a now home. She inherited £5,000,000 from her husband, and started tho strange edifice wliicli contained 148 rooms at the timo of her death. The residence was built for . tho convenience olf ghosts, and with outbuildings covered six acres. Each door was valued at £200. The dinner service cost £6000; there are bathrooms with gla«s doors, trap doors above only a floor level, and balconies which servo no purposo at all. One of tho strangest things in the housa is a staircase with a 2*in tread. Laundry-tubs have wash boards and; soap trays moulded into tho porcelain. All the shaped posts about the houso have been installed upside- down* There aro thirteen bathrooms, chandct< .. iers with thirteen lights, rooms wtthj thirteen windows, and ceilings witU thirteen panels. Most pi the stairway^ - have thirteen, steps. " i ■ ■■-■-— ■ -'~-<U ECTOPLASM,^'/