POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXV, Issue 62, 15 March 1933, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

Another name for Roosevelt's Bud-get-balancing-back-to-beer policy is » sinking fund. *' * * Duckworth, on© of the M.C.C.'f 'keepers, should be the lad for thosa fast "bumpers." f * * *• It is peevish of Japan' to talk of losing patience frith China when she woa so handsomely all along the Jehol line. * * # PLANE SPEAKING. Says " Amos-'n'-Andy": What this country needs more than most other things is not a roughometer to register the bumps but a hone to shave off tha boils on the neck of our economic Ufa. *■ * « WHY NOT CONCENTRATION ' CAMPS? The only thing that appears to stand in the -way of Hitler's complete subjugation of his political antagonists is shortage of the necessary gaol accommodation. .•"* ♦ • * OE PREPARING AGAINST A BAINY DAY. News note: It was recently discovered that an applicant for relief work had £0000 m the bank. ■ Probably that conscientious sort of chap who simply could not stand byjdle while his money was working for him." ■ : ANOTHER BEVENUE-PRODUCER. Apropos the arrest of those British' engineers in Bussia—one of the latest innovations of the humourless Ogpu system is that persons in Soviet prison! can be released (for export) on pay ment of ransom by friends abroad J new form of brigandage? *. . * * ■■"'■ COLOBATUBA. Larwood's reported decision never to return, to Australia reminded a colleague of ours of a flamboyantly, starred cantatrice who sang her way' through this country, but scarcely into its heart. At her • final appearance —sne farewelled in Auckland—tha "house" was rather thin and disinterested. Some sympathetic high-soul visited the diva in her dressing-room to comfort her with honeyed words. He had scarcely begun telling her how thrilled he had been with Her coloratura, or however they say it, when tha lady turned on him v with burning eves and turbulent boso*-.. "See her," "sheshouted, "I Jll never came back to thij —r- country until Jt gprout wings!". *♦•. ■ ■ " DISARMAMENT SIDELIGHTS. ' As the,'"News-Chronicle^ says in other words: never in Europe t'-as there so strong a smell of gunpowder sines 1914. Apropos that statement—and evidence in support of it is abundant it is interesting, and significant, to read that the French export of arms showed a marked increase last year. 1932 must have been a profitable "yeas for the French armament makers if one may judge from official trada statistics published last month. Tha value of exports in the classification of the Customs list known as "arms, powder, and munitions" jumped from 78,934,000 francs in 1931 to 243,150,600 francs (the franc is worth about twopence). The countries whose receipts of arms from "French, sources;-rose sharply during 1932 were PolandFrance's protegee, through whose corridor a smellful draught is blowing-^ Rumania, Yugoslavia, Brazil,. Argeiw tina, and China. As always, the statistics disclose no shipments of arms tc Japan. ', , •* • ».';.. LIMERICKS. At the extra-special request of a, fait postscripter these lightsome (or -worse)' limericks. They cannot be more frightening than a Government doting inanely: on a hill-top mirage while a small world tangles and gurgles at its feet. The Turco reached out for hi* yat*« ghan, Donned a nasty strained look, and hit hataghan (Which heightened his pallor), . And muttered, "By Allah!" ' I seem to be getting quite fataghan.* Said a dame, -with. considerable hauteur: "No,' varlet. You can't wed my daugh"« teur. You look, it is said, - • On. the wine when it g red. . . « She drinks t nothing stronger thajj: wateur."' -.- = We know what a real astrolabe is, . And that rabbits don't go 'mad witlji rabies, But, believe it or not, We are puzzled a lot ' Why some folk have so, many; babie* A very unscrupulous dr. When dunned by a hard-boiled go-gr. Replied, waving a. hand, . \ "Won't you please understand That I do all my, business by; lr.|" There once lived a sensitive Tanke* Who was brought up on. Moody and Sankey, And one of his whims Was to write little hymns Which his friends thought were quaint* if not cranky. . * ♦ ♦ SQUASHED BY A TOMATO. We are indebted to an unknown fot some diverting clippings from, tha Ta Aroha "News": correspondence re« lated to "record tomato plants.'* First we have a letter by Wai Haward,part ■of which we quote:—-"Much, I find, depends on the early attention and, care and preparation of the soil. I am proud to be able to relate; however,that I have now a healthy tomato plant, the top of which I just fail to xeacii when standing on the top of a 6ft; ladder. I am about sft Biu in. height myself so the height of this beauty can: readily be gauged from that. Ido not wish to appear boastful and will be. only too glad to show visitors this -plant should they be interested enough to call." This claim evoked a challenge from one "Normal,V who estimated; that Wai's plant "must be at least 13ft high." "There seems,"; added ' ' Normal," " about as much truth in the statement as there is in the story of Jack and the Beanstalk. To mj mind the tomato growers in this district are all bitten with that bug of Ananias which has such a grip of fiAermen.** The persiflageous Wai returned to the charge with a metaphorical axe. He* said (in part): ". . . If 'Normal' . . . will read the contents of my letter again it will be noticed that I did not' State that I was reachilng upwards when standing on top of a 6ft ladder. As a matter of fact, I was reaching downwards when trying to touch the top of the plant, which is only a few inches high- 'Normal' will surely admit that I have been done an injustice^ but when he states that the disciples of Izaak Walton have also been bitten with the same bug.l have no objection as I am not one of them, but certainly intend to be as I do get an occasional bite, and seemingly ta« mato plants are a Very good bait." Our congratulations to the winnei^ and better luck to "Normal" the nextf jjfcinie out,"'.""' > '