POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXII, Issue 124, 21 November 1931, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

In racing parlance—adverting tp tht first heat of the Manchuria Stakes:

Nippon, lit, Wins on the bit Ala /Jlian San Also ran.

A Southern Independent candidate:—"

"I waut you to send .ne up "to Parliament with a tomahawk, and I will clear off some of those dead branches."

ParlianieiHrce surgeon 1

HAY I!E NECESSARY, TOO,

(Startling news from the Fatherland, If the Communist burgomaster- has hii way, Bozenburg, a small town of 4000; inhabitants in the State of Mecklenburg, is to be made into a ruiniatur* Soviet, complete with a "Red" army. The burgomaster's first move is to be the abolition of tho beer tax.. Should he get away with it, Bozenburg probably will have to change its nam« slightly to Boosenburg.

-YULE-TIDINGS.

Yule all agree that famous yacht Must cost, to run, a norful laeht. In fact, this most palatial Nahlin Is ;jnst an ocean-going dalilin. With tlioso twelve bathrooms, Lady

Yulo Can always bank on. keeping kule. We'll bet that Gladys makes things hum , Each day in the gymnasium. That note re garden truck and "cab-

bages Will thrill all good "pig-island" sah»

bages. We love to read of things like these Down here in the Antipodes, Where we, a poor benighted race, Have duly learned to know our plac%

ELECTION ODDITIES,

M. riagc,—

Adverting to that story in. "Th* Post" some days ago of a, candidate; who was returned at the last British! Election much to his surprise and rather* against his wish. There have been ex* aniplcs of men who htive been sent to" the Commons without the trouble of facing tho electors. In ISSS, H. F. Evans,. afterwards Sir Francis Evans, went to New York on business. While he was away a vacancy occurred in tho representation of Southampton. His friends nominated Evans, and he "was duly returned to Parliament before he reached homo again. A. E. Pease was elected for the Cleveland Division in 1807 without knowing anything about tho election. He was away in Africa, shooting big game when the vacancy, occurred, and could not be communicated with. His friends nominated him for tho first vacancy in bis absence.! Peas, topped the poll by a substantial majority.

"OMADIIATJN,"

SCHOOL'S IN.

Armed with the volume, "Career* for Boys," the last election figures, and photographs of certain prominent politicians taken upside down, the General Knowledge Squad parade like aa army tank with stripped gears. Did-'

you know that

(1) Another reason why Phar Lap did not win the Melbourne Cup vrai because his undercut muscles tired?

(2) A beadle isn't an insect, but an, English official of impressive proportions and imposing garb who main* tains order inside and outside public buildings, banks, arcades, and poof* houses''

(i!) Among the most rare and beautiful books is a tiny volume, dated 1650^ which, contains a sermon in shorthand? It is about the size- of an insurance stamp and is bound in leather.

(4) Some British churches are replacing wooden offertory boxes with heavy: steel ones because of an epidemic of; theft?

(5) Some newer Edison in the States has invented a vest pocket cracker that will sustain a man for several days? The trouble nowadays is to get the vest.

(G) For half an hour, a French airman kept his helicopter in a fixed spot at 1000 feet?

(7) According to T. F. M'Manus— Man was not made to sit a-tranee. And press, and press, and press hi 9 • pants, But rather with an open mind

To circulate among his kind1'

(8) Ono of the most interesting inventions never patented is a tube of paste in which the paste conies out everywhere but at the top! (9) Another such is the cork ivhieK breaks off just below the ne-ek of tho. bottle?

ELECTION PIPE-DKEAMS.

Many feel called to legislative r«* spousibility (and honour), but fow ara chosen. Still, the optimists will havai their pipe-dreams, even though they; are rudely disturbed at tunes by the prosaic practicalities of life .... as follows:

Ho dreamed within his easy chair— The smoke-rings eurliug in the air— Of legislative fair renown, (You cannot keep a good man down), His fame on almost every Up—_ The duo 'reward of statesmanship.

He saw his name in headlines bold j Across tho printed page unrolled. . . « Bio1 news, announcing he was set For the next seat in Cabinet; j And —quite tho usual thing to do — 1 .His photograph was published, too.

Come honours thick, or come the worst,; His aim will be: The country first. No monkey-shines for him, no tricks Such as they play in politics. Not so. He'd fix a standard that Would, knock the average member flat.

He saw his oratory arouse The customary phlegmatic House.

What's that! A voice that well ha knows Shattering his rapturous repose. His wife; "Ye gods and little fishes. Get up and help me wash the dishes!'-

DEEP-LAID PLOT,

That short-mannered, all-wise savant in the States who, without provocation, nr warning, branded all whistlers as morons was not allowed to get away with it unscathed. We published evidence of that the other day. Here is another shaft. A persiflagious wight discussed the highbrow malefactor in. a letter to the "New York Times." He wrote: '"I want to ask, may not the professor have been trying to help Prohibition? We already have a law prohibiting wetting our whistles, and if wo can prohibit whistling there will be no whistles to wet. And there you are! The noble experiment successful! Enforced abstinence from whistling, whisky, and work!" We can only hop* thai the learned prof, saw the point.