POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 92, 20 April 1931, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

IT ALL DEPENDS. According to one of our, owe head" lines. PEDESTRIANS LAST. They would ]ast longer if the motol>» ists would let them. TINSEL. Onfi politician to another— His opinion of the railwayman, he added/ is not worth' a tin. of sardines. Also, the opinion of some politician* on, anything is not worth the empty, t tin on the junk heap. CONFIRMATION. T In the House last week, . the Minister of Railways, hitting back, reminded Mr. Harry Holland, M.P., that lm (Mr. Holland) had in earlier years proclaimed himself a follower ■ of Karl Marx. • " ■, Though deploring such amenities, w* seem to-remember that the then Comrade Holland, beforo he degenerated into a "parlour piulc," stated publicly/ that he hoped to live to see the day when the Red Flag -would float over Parliament Buildings. If we ara wrong, kindly correct us. * # * OH, ANNA! This is lifted, without permission, from the "Powell River Gazette": A .University student, when sitting for an examination, was asked to compose one verse' of poetry including tha words "analyse" and "anatomy." Ha wrote: , My analyse over the ocean, My analyse over the sea, . , Oh, who will go over the- oeeaa And bring back my anatomy. * # • BREWIN' RUIN. Mon Cher Perce,— You may have been wondering if my, ' muse has been suffering from, a tailskid. However, on reading your eulogy of the P. 0.8. team, so far as the glance to leg is concerned, I thought it fitting ' to give you the opportunity to exhibit the fatted calf by returning forthwith to your bosom. \ ' ' I would take you to task for the following discords in your ballad "Ruin Brewing." The barrel-organ is not suitable at this stage, but rather to be reserved for the brew, when complete; now does the rifted Into, or the cell-oh, clamour for inclusion, or oven tha ' double "Bass" (English variety). Then the instrument should have been violently played by an (h)oboe; not by; your good self. . It is also to be questioned if an organ,' can have- its innards lubricated, the words being practically synonymous. Also, the following lines are (h.)enigmatical: Meantime hen.fruit is dearer than ever t "Which persuaded us here as we '' sit." .. —Yours, P. 0.8. ,- (Not poached or boiled^' (We're afraid our playful client i» merely (b)eggirig the question, and W9 have long since lost patience with mendicants. Any of our prodigals who expect veal en casserole for dinner would be well advised to bring the joint horns with .them. We have spoken.) *j* . * COMRADE SONG. Dear Percy,—A representative of tha Soviet called at my house the other day and requested me to knock off looking for work, as all work paid for in ensh was an abomination of the capitalist class and therefore "black." I liked him so much (I hate work) that I received him with open arms and dedicated the following ode to his honour. This is a companion work to my '' Come Back to Erin, "an effort with which everyone is familiar. It is suitable for all occasions on witich the 'fßed Flag" is sung. Go back to Moscow, my; Bolshie, my; Bolshie, • Go back, Comrade, to the land of thy; birth. Get, with thy blather, aaid. spring to it, Bolshie,' And it's Now Zealand shall ring with' our mirth! Sure, when they sent ye to stir up Jfeir Zealand Littlo we thoHght of your longndnded brays, Little we "thought of your "Red Revo--lution"—' AnUit's New Zealand will laugh all ' .her days! Then go back, to Moscoijr, etc Green as a green pea, my Bolshde, myj Bolshie, Sure, it's your speech which dtrth! give you away; „ When riding the high horse of Bed Revolution, Weak heads get dizzy, and dizzy thej; ' stay! ■ . Oh, how, our hearts sank, wjicn once we had seen you, Parading for certain the brains of a clown. ' T'was clear to our sad eyes you had Jio true notion, And far, far away had your sanity; flown. ' Then, go back to Moscow, etc. May the Red Army awaking and sleeping, " Soothe.your hot head in that land far away, And it's our- prayers will consign t»' . "their keeping All "red" foreign. Jews both by; night and by day. - When by our firesides wo watch the red embers , Our heads won't be bothered by, thinking of thee, Not carin' to'know if our Bolshiu remembers The rcry bad hearing ho got oversea!, Always your revolting ROTSKY. * ' *^ * NOT SKY-PILOTS. This is primarily for our own weather* Uunod pilots to discuss among themselves one bright morning on the waterfront. We hope the information won't give thorn ideas . . . wrong ideas, that is. Who wouldn't be a pilot, judging from official figures relating to the earnings of that class in the United Kingdom? Actually, hundreds of them. ri-o topping the £1000 mark. Look at these figures: Extra Average. Services,; v * £ £ 76 Channel pilots .. 1059 25 70 Cinquo ports pilots 903 19 47 North Channel pilots 863 30. 85 compulsory River ... Thames ........ 800 85 42 Homo trade pilots 793 147 v Two men at. Rochester averaged £1098, with £217 for extra services. Morn tbiui 30,000 British and 22,662 foreign ships were piloted in and out. of llio Port of .London in ono year. Nineteen outward sea pilots at tho Isle of Wight averaged £!)£>;?, with £03 for extra services. The nc?xt highest wns Swansea, with 26 pilots averaging £763. In Scotland the. Clyde headed tho list with 49 pilots averaging £66$ aad sxtra services of £66,