POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 77, 1 April 1931, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment i

BY PERCY FLAGI

Tlic Director of Forestry was pre> iscntcd, on his retirement, with a radio i.set. He has the start of some of us, ifor with his special knowledge he ought i;to know whore to got a good mast.

Tho member for Grey Lynn goes on;. record as having said that if he had been Minister of Labour there woulil ho no unemployment. Working on; that implication, we come to this:— Aj3 an urgent initial manoeuvre ! To be put into action forthwith, Sackfcjcullin, Mac Donald, and Hoovery Not forgetting the Hon. S. G. Smith, Push the "dubs" out feet first on a stretcher Ere we all to oblivion are hurled, Then obsequiously ask ..Mr. Fletcher Will he kindly take charge of ths world. * * * We read (interpolates "Bettylrins")] vritlh amusement of an annual picture-, hanging in the New York Art Gallery, In. the Futurist section, the prize picture was duly selected, acclaimed, and hung with eclat. It provoked a great deal of interest, albeit the thought portrayed* was far beyond even t.ha judge's discernment—for the disgusted artint (?) arrived to find it had beeii judged and hung upside down! . * • • Huuv.pty Duuipty (no Holland), hij "built a great wall. As was natural enough, hp made a great song of it. But the closure applied brought hin^ down, wall and all, And that, fellow cits, is the short andf the long of it. * * *■ . Field-Marshal. Q.M. Sergeant "Hemf Pango," author of "Zabernism, Tka World's Hope," keeps faith. Ages ago he promised to parade the General Knowledge Squad to-day—and hero hgf is. Entire nous—if we wero half as tough as "Hcmi" thinks he is we' 4 be afiaid of ourselves. Hearken to( him — Squad, 'shun! Prick ears! As yoii were! Now, try it again, and on the last sound of the word "ears" let mo hear them conchas strike them temporals with a smart click! And if any; lop-eared son-of-a-gun wants Ms lop made permanent and perpetual ho'n only got to mention it. Squad, Prick ears! That's better. Do you know—• That the whale has rudimentary legs,that man has a rudimentary tail, and that some women have rudimentary—* (no, not wings)—a rudimentary sense of consistency and the eternal fitness of things? The difference between perspicuity) and perspicacity, between a palindrome and a palimpsest, psychometry and psychronnetry and the real honest t« goodness, rook-bottom, difference (i|J any) between the principles (if any)] of United and Eeform? Why it is that although 3 is precise*, ly half-wny between 2 and 4, 1-3 is not; precisely half-way between -j and t}9 That it is alleged that ten per cent cut will reduce the cost, of living more' than proportionately? If I could onlyj believe that, I should be a strong supporter of & one hundred per cent, cvi* That human beings are approximately ninety per cent, water? Is not this, a disturbing thought when applied to Gr. W. Forbes, Wally Kilmister, and Percy Flag-el Perhaps not so in the case of Mercedes Gleitzo. That possession is nine points of thqi law? Of the remaining 91 pc-ints, 4$ are generally raised by counsel for plaintiff and 45 by counsel for defendant. The last point represents your chance -of getting anything out of the imbroglio. ■X- -£ -KAPBIL 1 TELEGEAMS. If the following collect telegrams aiflj not reach the parties intended this morning there must be something radi* cally wrong -with, the P. and T. Service^ Eight Hoii. G. Forbes P.M. P.O, big offer from the Dom. Museum til buy thosri strides from Italy exhibit s$ the world might see 'em do happjj braces go with them reply prepaid. P. Flage, S.M. J (For the Hon. the P.M.G.) . Propose to shift the P. and % en bloc up north, do you agrea. \ (For Mj. Langstone, M.P.) "■ Vacancy directorship bank of N.Z. lff| yours with thanks in strictest confidence of course. i Chairman Associated Cranks, ' (For Mr. Lysnar, M.P.). • ! In gratitude engendered V through services well rendered, viz. those timely interjection* «U)Sj one with a stab in it we herewith and hereby invite you to atpply , - for the office or loud speaker (official)! to the Cabinet. M'Combs IP you're pretty slick . at odd things and arithmetic ' L will you accept a book on sum 3 a with dedication . J Postscript Chuma. ' Urgent F. Waite ,in -works of State _ you. pull more fjian your pennyweight it's hard on folks we'ro both at large Yours always quaite Piereeforest Flags, j Dear Flage, if yom in Scotland were this day with iviheat straws in yot^ hair '■ , you'd bo an April. Gowk too true ( which would be overpraising you v and at the Hnli ffrast in Ind. ' they'd play you aff till"you were skfrw nod mid did you clqwiji. in Gaul they'd calJ you poisson d'aviil yes that's all. . *:*. * . . l Tho oldest living cricket Blue, Ton| Collins, 90 last month, who resldoß| at Newport (Eng.)j was once no-ballecj live times in 'succession on the grount| that his hand at tho moment of do* livery was above his shoulder. LawJ 10 at that time forbade the ball being delivered above the shoulder, and the M.C.C. a few weeks before the 'Varsityj match had issued an instruction to umpires to watch particularly the bowler's hand in the last swing of the arm. In the absence of this special instruction, Collins's bowling would, no doubt, have passed muster. -.. Collins played for Cambridge against Oxford in 1863, when ho had among his colleagues tliß Hon. C. G. Lytteltom, who developed his prowess so early that he played for tho Gentlemen against the Players at tho age of 18. Another contemporary of Collins's was A. "W. T. Daniel, tho most famous Harrow batsman of his day, and H. M. Plowden—later on, the well-known London Magistrate. Sis feet tall, Mr. Collins; was a round-arm - bowler, rather above medium pace. Immediately prior to liis one. match fo^ Cambridge, ho and Plowden oceonw plished a big feat an. dismissing Sur»i rcy for 99. The "no-ball" incident happened i" his ii£Xt match, after h$ had dismissed two of I he leading Or*, ford batsmen. ___ .