POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 69, 23 March 1931, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGI >

From a British journal. Java.produces sugar at the rat* of 150 piijuls per bouw. Comment is needless. Quite!

A member of our forthright ani vigilant Upper House on a local savant prominent in the news— "I can't imagine any man being such a born ass as to make such a statement as that." But if a chap is a born ass how ca» he help it? One must be fair.

Labour's leaders, official and volun« teer, had an effective reply to the Mm-> ister of Labour's disclosure that in 1918 Messrs. Holland (Buller), Fraser, and M'Combs did not oppoße legislation empowering the Arbitration Court to review awards and increase- or decrease the rates of pay in New Zea-, land. It consisted of the words "Hear, hear,','' several times repeated.

Dear Percy,—Apropos of Australia's political languor: "Should auld acquaintance be forgot?" Thus runs the ancient line; f But that which worries Scullin's lot Is: Will Auld Lang re-Sync? One of your neatest, my dear "L.D.A."

Tho late ineffable Marie ' Corelli, whom, for some reason not quite clear, we have always bracketed with- Augusta Jane Evans Wilson, was admitted to this feature the other day. We have just had revealed ito us Vrky Marie never became Mrs. Somebody—ire were always behind the times. Here is the anecdote: — Friends often asked Marie Corelli why she never married. "There ia no need," she would reply, "for I have three pets at hoaie wkick together answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog whick growla all the morning, a parrot wkick swears all the afternoon, and a cat which comes home late at »ijat." We can smile indulgently at tkia now, but Marie was tho second lore of our adolescence. The first was tkat Amazonian actress Nance O'Neill, whoso "Magda" brought us to imsta*taneous surrender as a worskipper. Ok, Life —Life!

OUR SEVEN WONDEBS. Dear Mr. Flage,— Dare I intrude again? The fact is, as one old enough, to be your grandson, I was grieved to see you beiDgle'd astray by our learned friend "Half Pangq." (By the way, is pango th» Latin for "batty"?) Anyhow, in. spite of the worthy Hemi, I have it on best authority that the seven Wellingtonian wonders are as follows: — (1) The Hutt Valley railway service. (2) The carillon to be:, insofar as one wonders where one may go to avoid it. (3) Our Mf.'a and our P.M. (not post-mortem). • (4) The sea wall at Ngahauranga: we wonder why it stays put. (5) Mame —to say nothing of Bill. (6) The versatility and volubility of your clients. (7) As Hemi remarked, your nobla self. . -."'"'■ Yours in. wonderment, PERCY VERB, - ' Desolation Manor.-. - "E.S.P." asks: "May I hav©;:a shot at the seven wonders? Thank.you. Hero is my litle batch. Am trying, to stir up a rabid Aucklander, a' roommate of mine, who sleeps with his money in an undler-arm pocket, to give it a go. Carry on." . .; , . (1) The number of people who don't go to church on a bright Sabbath. .. (2) Upper Tory street on a wet Saturday after 6 p.m. (3) The acres of paint our Government Buildings could do with. (4) Our stately destructor. (5) Bellamys (when tho House sitl late). (6) The aggregation of pseudo-gray, matter when Parliament assembles. (7) Mr. James Eofierts practising; fighting speeches in front of a full- j length mirror.

It is "E.CiH." twanging his steel i catarrh. / Cheer up, my old comrades, life isn't just h Though it seems to have gone really "phut." Bemomber the barber, he's pruning things well; • He's the one who enjoys a good "cut." Bear up, my old cobbers, ana be of good cheer, Though your boss may oft call yon * mutt. I'm sure that the butcher—who's really, ; not dear— , | Can "scoff off" a real juicy "cut.* ; Hold up, my old die-hards, and fill 'era'! right up, . . Though yonr home may be merely * j hut. ■ ~ The Aussies are worse . . . they've sola < 'ran a pup. You'll agree that Lang looks a fine; "cut"! <

Hast ever played alcoholic chess f j Well, you've missed something. "Sell- i ing horses" before Bacch.ua is not ia j it. And'when you're "checkmated"! you're already on the floor. This is-the . idea: — . : A remarkable game of chess was play- \ ed recently by two sportsmen of Birm- j ingham for a bet of £50. The game ; was played in the house of one of the, contestants. The chessboard was the; black-and-white check linoleum on the floor of the kitchen. The pieces were represented by bottles of various alcoholic drink. Bottlcß of beer replaced , the pawns, the knights were pale brown, sherry, the rooks were burgundy, the bishops were sparkling moselle, and the kings and queens were rare _ vintage champagne. One of the conditions of the bet was that eao^i player should drink each piece as ho won it. The game lasted from half-past 10 o'clock at night until the early hours of the morning. Both men are fair chess players, and they can take their liquor. Many side bets were laid on the result. There , was an early surpriso when one of the players,' a lover of burgundy, sacrificed two pawns and a bishop for a rook. His opponent retaliated by making him take three pawns and a knight m quick succession. When the players came up for the next move it was evident that both wore feeling the strain. After two more pawns had been lost tho game steadied down, and each seemed to be ; anxious to present the other with minor pieces. Then it was discovered that some of Ihe spectators had filched the king's bishop's pawn, and had emptied the black queen. After one of the players had knocked over a white rook' and broken it, and his opponent had tried to mate with, a bishop and *; knight, the match wus abandoned, with-' out a decision.