POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 22, 27 January 1931, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

Natatorial heacli.ucu. • SIXTY COMPETITORS. MANLY ENDURANCE SWIM. Manly is right, but why not wo» manly, too, seeing that Mercedes Gleitze and Water-Lily Copplestone ar( in the swim? * ♦ ■ ♦ P. Disarming Ms critics. He (Mr. Scullin) will, it is under- ] stood, take a firm, stand at tha' , party meeting opening to-morrow at Canberra. His view is that the ' tackling of the great problems that : face the Government is impossible amid the din of political brawling; Now that Mr. Seullin. has taken thai strong silent inflationist, E. G. Theo* dore ; to his bosom, and into Cabinet) there should be peace once more. # *■#■■• '"Orace's" eagle eye picked tHis up; in our for sale columns last evening-* 1 HOT AIR. ENGINE, NO RESERVE. And his nimble imagination added: this commentary: "la these days of rigid Government economy all New * Zealand M.P.'s can. now be sacked, and this engine installed instead. The vendor would get a much better pric« for it in Australia! # * * "Zimmy," America's legless eham» ]}ion, was one of the first to enter.th« water in the endurance swim at Manly, and the first to give up. In the early; stages he smoked a cigar. It must have been one of the brand the wife regularly puts in our Christmaa stocking. They are simply great for giving the incinerator a start. ■*.** ■ ■ . i Relevant to that London "Jack tt«i Ripper." story cabled in, lurid detail Our cable man's a thoughtful souL When Humdrum yarns our patience yei He springs a juicy murder for Our delectation: pools of gore, The battered body on the floor, The fascinating spot marked X, , Thi3 makes an ideal bedside tale . When A. A. Milne and Morley ML ■ # * ;#■••■ This, postscript and all, is front "Anxious-to-Know, Vera Gwen": If alone with the victim do not neglect immediate and continued re» suseitation in order to call a doctor. Start at once. But send someone else for the doctor without delay. If one is alone with the victim, hoir is it possible to send someone elief, For if "someone else" were there, on* wouldn't be alone, would one? (Of course not, little one. Q.E.D. —P.F). • * - « Judging by what happened in Auckland the other day, the Opposition!; Leader insists on being a "friend" o* "comrade" to the workers, whether they like it or not. 'Twas not for votes That Mr. Coates Addressed a wukker chap as friend; And with stout heart Played well his part Though in a ring *f rivals penned. Let truth be told, He, as of old, ■ Still to Democracy is, true. He's in. that-fight-With all.his might— Coats, trousers, and suspenders, tod. * * * A Dunedin- business man jjuat returned from the States is troubled in hit mind about the price of; liquor im "speakeasies." The payment for a whisky suck as we get for 9d was 75 cents, o* about 3s, and I was told that some of the exorbitant profit _was paid over to certain authorities who were really supposed to guard the laws. The fact that only bootleggers who pay over no commission are arrested seems significant. 'Of equal significance is the fact that scores of police' officials over there, vwhose salaries range > from £400 ;to £600, can afford country houses, two cars (one expensive model), and staggeringly dazzling diamond tie-pins. * ■ * ■*' A little bisque from the croquet tour* nament now raging in Ohristchurch^ "The only players in the tournament who have done the triple peel are A. G. IV Boss and H. Williams." We've shone at most games in our lif«> From playing patience with the wife To crown- 'n'-anchor when the "Sarge" Was not, we understood, at large. We've headed 'em with great eclat*, And punched the bull's-eye (Nix t» 'that!), Shove 'apenny, too, we know, and dart^ We've had a midget slam in hearts. But fame like ours we cannot seal Until we've done the triple peeL We did play croquet years ago When, socially, we used to'know Some of ''the best," who trod the lawa! As, clearly, to the manner, born. ' We swung a nifty mallet, too; That is, according to the view Of stalwart dames who took a risk At times, and did not use their bisqott But memory does not reveal They ever did a triple peel. , One golden day beyond recall ' We roquet'd our fair partner's ball Bang up. against the wire, but she Just smiled at us forgivingly. A lovely girl! Our eyes grow dim Remembering her, demure and slim. That summer, on the roasting sand, We did a peel or two . . . we tanned Most painfully; but that, we feel, ' Can scarce be called a triple peel. *Poetic licentiousness merely. #■ * * From "L.D.A.," Karaka Bay, than which salubrious spot Worser Bay ii worser. Dear Percy,— Did you note the remarks passed by, the Rev. Mayor of Christchurch at a recent social function? Apropos of his repudiation of the dictum that ministers (i.e., those with a small "m") aTe not business men, he instanced the Rev. Mr. Rule as'" a living contradiction to this absurd, but oft-made assertion." Now, Percy, when we were at school it was firmly impressed upon us that there was an exception to evry rule. But it is clear that no exception was taken to this particular Rule: consequently, I am somewhat at a loss to understand whether Mr. Rule is the exception, which proved the rule,. or the Rule that proved the exception. Can you help mo out? (Following established Ministerial practice m the House, we have ruled the question out on the ground that it was submitted without notice. —IV Rj[