NO DIFFERENCE.

Evening Post, Volume LXVIII, Issue 56, 3 September 1904, Page 11

NO DIFFERENCE.

Professor William James, of Harvard, is vory popular with the more, intelligent and studious of tho undergraduates. When these young men, however, make rash or bold or unbecoming assertions, ho does not hesiUte/to take them down. Not long ago, a sophomore-* aired some rather atheistical views before Professor James. "You," Ijio latter said, "aro a iwo thinker, I perceive. You believe in nothing." ''I only believe—haw — what 1 can understand," the sophomoro replied. "It comes to tho same thing, I suppose," said Professor James. The dentist is ono of the few people who can fill an aching void. The Business Instinct. — Ted — "What became of hi* summer hotel that failed becai/e tho place was so unhealthy?" Ned — "Oh, hu's running it now as a sanatorium." "Gracious!" exclaimed Mr. Swellman, "tho baby has just eaten a lot of that dog-biscuit." "Never mind," replied Mm. Swellman, "it just servos Fido right, for he has often en ton" tho baby's food." "You know Jones, who was reputed so rich? Well, he died the other day, and the only thing he left was an old Dutch clock." "Well, there's one good thing about it ; ib won't be much trouble to wind up his estate." "Say," asked Limping Lem, "wot would youso do if you could be a king for jusb ono hour?" "Take do crown jools out 'n* soak 'em, 1 ' replied Saunterinir Sim. without having to stop to thiukf • Customer — "Why doesn't thab spinster, Miss Brown, deal at your shop any more?" Draper — "Ono of my clorks insulted her." Customer — "How?" Draper — "She overheard him tolling some one that sho was our oldest eustonjor." Edith— "When I accepted J«Ck he said he was in the seventh heaveu of happiness." Ethel — "Quito likely — he's been engaged to f»ix other girls this fceason." Used to It. — Tommy was visiting a <neit*hbour's. At dinner the hostess apologised to him becauso tho table linen was soiled at his plate! "Oh, that's nothing," ho assured her, promptly ; "our's is worsen that at homo." Timo /tho Healer. — "Customer— "l don't liko the shoes ; tho soles are too thick." Shopman — "You will learn to liko them, as tho objections you speak of will gradually wear off." Even the deaf mute can raise a racket when ho plays tennis. • A Remarkable Feat. — "Oh, the ocean's a big place, dcario! -Why, many's the timo I've- stood for three days on ono tack, and " "My sakos, grandpa! I ihopo you had your shoes on I*

Explained— -"Tourem says it only takes a cent, to run his auto a mile." "I always wondered what the scent was for." "I'm afraid," said the country editor, "that young Blackstone won't liko the M-rite-up wo gave him to-day." "Why?" asked his assistant. "I wrote of him as 'a thriving young lawyer,' but the intelligent typo mado it 'thieving.' " Too Bad. — "How do you like my paintinc ?" "Oh, tho colours are exquisite ! What a pity we oan't have such, tints in nature." Tomson : "The doctor said I could have one glass of beer a day." Jonson : "And you are obeying orders?" Tomson : "Yep. But I'm five ■weeks ahead of my allowance." "So," sobbed Illma Vaselinevitch, "Ivan Ninespotski died in battle I Do you say he uttered my name as ho was dying?" "Part of it," replied the returned soldier ; "part of it." 'Here, young man," said the old lady, with fire in her eye, "I've brungback this thermometer ye sold me." "What's the matter with it?" demanded the- clerk. "Ib ain't reliable. One time ye look at it it says one thing, and the next time it says another." Careful Willie — Teacher was explaining the meaning of the word recuperate. "Now, Willie," she said, "If your father worked hard all day, ho would be tired and all worn out, wouldn't he?" "Yes'm."

"Then when night comes, and his work is over for the day, what does he dof* "That's ~what ma wants to know." "A woman oan't keep a secret," declares the mere man. "Oh, I don't know," retorts the fluttery woman ; "I've kept my age a secret eince I wa« twenty* four." "Yes ; but one of these day« you will give it away. In time you will synply have to tell it." "Well, *I think that when a woman" lias kept a secret for twenty years she comes pretty near knowing how to keep it." Very Probable. — "What are theproba* bilities for to-morrow?" "That thft weather-man will again be wrong."