"CAVE CANEM."

Evening Post, Volume XLI, Issue 138, 13 June 1891, Page 1 (Supplement)

"CAVE CANEM."

(By Babak Barnes, Wellington.) I shall narrate a little event that happened some time ugo to a friend of mine named Cyril Lingerford. Cyril was a fellow to whom Nature had been very kind, as regards personal appearance; but, unfortunately for him, he had not dealt so liberally , with him in the matter of brains. In this ' respect, I must say he was rather deficient, though he was not a fool. Ho was, to use a common phrase. " a great, ladies' man," and a howling swell into the bargain. In spite of these little defects, if they may be called defects, ho was a good fellow. The incident, in which he figures so conspicuously, woulil, perhaps, bo all tho better if told in his own words ; so I Bhall endeavour, as far as lies in my power, to give the particulars of the occuTronce exactly as he related them to me: — "I say, old fellow," said he to me, "I had a deuced rough time of it on Thursday last." "Indeed!" I exclaimed, "I'm sorry to hear that." "Yes, yer know, I was most horribly sold." " How was that?" I asked; " you may as well tell me all about it." "Well, yer know, if I tell you about it you must not let it get about." I agreed to keep the matter a secret, and then he related tho affair to me. But before I begin the tale, I had better tell you that, in spite of all that happened to Cyril, his fondest hopes were realised, and so there can be now no hurm iv breaking my promise and telling the story as followß : — " I was told," said he, " that the Gays of Richfield were going to give an evening party on the 12th., and that it was going to be a very fashionable turn out. The de Coigns, Russells, Akers, and a host of the qualities were going, but what intercstod me still more was the fact that Myra Manylands was to be present— the beautiful young heirens that I met at the Devinos, and upon whom, I'm sure, old boy, I made a most favourable impression. I expected to receive an invitation to the party, though I was not quitn certain that I Bhould. This uncertainly was sufficient to cause me to lie awake tho greater pait of that night ; my mind nil the time see-sawing up and down between tho hope that I should be invited, and the fear that I should not. Morning came at lust, and with it came an invitation to the party. I was in great fettle that day. I went to my tailor and ordered a new dress suit ; I bought a new pair of gloves and a new crush hat. I oven took my watch and diamond studs to a jewollor's to bo cleaned, bo that I might look my very best when tho ovoning should arrive, and deepon the impression that I was convinced I had alroady made on Myra. At last the eventful evening did come : I then found that I was over head and ears in love with Myra. I could not tike any tea, so excited was I at the prospect of meeting her. I got up from my scarcely-tasted moal and went to tho bathroom, where I shaved and washed myself, finishing up with a brisk rub down from crown to too with, a hard, rough towel ; then off I went to dress. This was rather a long process, and whon I came to the necktie, several woro tried and found wanting before I got ono tied to my satisfaction. At last I was satisfied with my appearance and left the house, convinced that if Myra had a heart, such as women are said to have, she must fall in love with me. I hailed a cab, and asked the driver if ho know where Gay's house was. Oh, yes, he knew where it was ; to in I jumped and was very soon at the gate. I paid tho cabby and dismissed him. It struck me that it was strange there were no other cabs about, but I concluded that the other guests had already arrived ; so I walked up to the gate, which was a high, nairow, closely-boarded one, and ontcrcd. I was scarcely inside tho gate whon a furious yelp uroso at my very heels, accompanied by a sharp snap, as of an animal's teeth. Instantly I sprang forward, but all too late ; for, as I did so, I felt the tails of my new coat ripped from the rest of tho garmpnt. The rattling of a rha : n followed. This was a re-asauring sound; it caused me to rooover my selfposEeasion, and I turned round to see whero my assailant was. I was not long in doubt, for by the light of tho moou I could clearly see boforo me a enormous long-boned, shaggy-haired hound, growling horribly and showing a very ugly set of teeth. For the present I was safe ; for he was securely chained, but I was rather at a loss to know how to act. I could not very well present myself at tho house minus my coat tails, so I kopt at a respectable distance from the hound, and considered what was the best thing to be done under the circumstances. At last I decided that I fhould bail a cab, drive home, and apologise for my lateness. Now, for the first time, I perceived that I was in a kind of courtyord, surrounded by an eight or nine-foot closely- boarded fence, and that the only entrance to the court was through the gate guarded by the dog. I whs in a nice fix ; and how I was to get ont of it, I did not see. There was, as far as I could make out, only ono thing to be done, and that was to climb tho fence. Accordingly, I approached it, intending to try and climb over. But a now difficulty presented itself. The fonce was studded all along with short spikes, the points of which were turned down at right angles, and these were placed so close to one another that I saw at once that any attempt to scale the wall would only result in the tearing of my trousers and the laceration of my legs ; bo lat once gave up all thought of attempting to get out that way. I was in a quandary ; what to do next, I did not know. I spent some time *n reviewing the situation and wondering how the thing would appear to an onlooker. Here was I with a crush hat on and in full evening dress— minus the coattails—in a small court-yard, the only entrance to which was guarded by a grizzly, cross-grained hound, thirsting for another mouthful of my clothes : a truly ludicrous situation from an outsider's point of view. If I were to call for assistance, no doubt some one would come to my aid ; but as I could distinctly hear the sonndof the music going on inside and distinguish the hum of voices, I was convinced that if I shouted for help, some of the guests would come and find me in my present ridiculous predicament, and then the murder would be out, and I should be the target for the witticisms of all present that evening. If Myra should hear of the affair, I felt sure she would despise me, and all my hopes of winning her would be scattered to the winds. No, I must get out of the fix mysalf — but how? That was the question. I retired to the fur end of the court-yard, that is to say, the end farthest from the hound, and paced up and down, wondering alternately how I was to got out and what Myra was doing while I was undergoing this imprisonment. Jealousy painted a scene for me, in which I saw her talking (oh. co sweetly !) to a handsome young fellow in the conservatory, whither he had led her after a most enjoyable waltz. I could not bear to think of her being there, so I drovo tho thought from my mind ; but ever and anon similar thoughts would come back to me, and I mentally writhed under the pain of them. I was almost despairing of getting out unobserved, when a heavensent revelation came to me and showed me an easy means of escape. At once I resolved to carry out the plan that had occurred to me. I took off my coat and threw it over the fence on to the road, so that I might be as little encumbered as possible ; then I took off my braces, which fortunately were what are termed " The Ambulance Braces," that ia, they were made of one long strap of strong material that can readily bo disconnected from .the button straps, and to this strap I tied ray muffler. Thus I had a long strap at my disposal. I made a running noose at ono end of it, and took a firm hold of the other. I then approached as near to tho dog as I dared, aud after a good number of fruitless attempts, I succeeded in lasooiog tho brute. I quickly drew the noose so tight round his neck that he gasped for breath, and in a twinkling I tied the other end of the strap to one of the nails in the fence and drugged the hound, now almost powerless, far enough from the gate to let myself through. I then made a dart aud got ont, but only jnit in timo, for with a mighty effort the hound broke the string and made a bound for the gate, which he rejiched just as it slammed behind me. I picked up the ruins of my coat and put them on. When I looked at my watch I saw that it was after 11 o'clock, and too late to think of going to the party.

So I sorrowfully wended my way homeward, vowing vengeance against dogs in general and that brute in particular. I sent an apology to the Gay's next day, saying that I was unfortunately prevented from being present, and I determined never again to go to a house to spend the evening without first finding out which was the proper entrance. Not a soul but you knows of my adventure that night: mind you don't mention it to a living creature."