MR SPOOPENDYKE'S DRESS COAT.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3690, 12 May 1883, Page 4

MR SPOOPENDYKE'S DRESS COAT.

"My dear," said Mrs Spoopcndyke, backing away from her refreshment table and regarding the effect with her head very much on one side; "my dear, what arc you going to wear when our friends call on Monday!-" "Clothes, I suppose," returned Mr Spoopcndyke, looking up from his paper, " Why, has the fashion changed recently about wearing clothes;-" and Mr Spoopcndyke regarded his wife with an anxious look of cn.piiry. "But you should wear your swallowtai led coat, by all means," continued Mrs Spoopcndyke. "All the gentlemen wear swallow-tail coats when they give receptions now." '• AVell. if you think you are going to strap me up in a tin-lined coat and start me around this town looking like the head waiter of a ■ dollar-and-a-half summer resort, your just as badly left as a one-armed man at a church supper! I may be ass enough to hop around to tho various hen-roosts wishing the contents a Happy Ncav Year, but Avlicn you melt mc into a clothespin jacket it'll lie Avhen reason no longer holds her seat in this brain !" AVith Avhich happy application of a trite quotation, Mr Spoopcndyke settled himself back and contemplated his Avife with a lofty glance of superiority. "Of course, if you don't Avant to," replied Mrs Spoopcndyke, soothingly, there Avont be any great objection raised to your business suit. Besides, iioav that I think of it, the moths got into your dress coat, and I don't think it is fit to bo seen," and she put a few finishing touches on her table, and admired it from another standpoint. '' Let's see it!" demanded Mr Spoopcndyke, springing from his chair and making for his closet, closely followed by his wife. "AY hat's the matter Avith if r 1 What's the moth got to do Avith it P AVho put moths in it ':" and Mr Spoo-2-cndyko rummaged around and fired his clothing in all directions in his vain search for the missing garment, " AVhere is it." he howled, scattering his wardrobe broadcast. " HaA'o the moths eaten it all up V Didn't they leave even a button hole? Shew my coat. Bring out the split in the tails-' If there's nothing else left, give mc one last, fond glance at tho arinliolcs ! " and Mr Spoopcndyke kicked his best trousers to the coiling, folloAving them with a vest, ivhich he supplemented with a pair of boots. " Slioav mc the great North American moth fodder ! Aro avc a, nation r " yelled Mr Spoopcndyke, jamming his thumb iv the door and hopping around the room with the injured digit in bis mouth. "Hang tho door ! " he hoAvled, bringing it si prodigious kick that bent his leg under him like a school-girl's. "Did you hurt yourself, dear?" asked Mrs Spoopeudyke, Avringing her hands and dodging the flying boots and clothing. "Does it look as it"d hurt the door any'r " demanded Mr Spoopeudyke, jabbing his thumb iv his armpit and bending double with the pain. " Does that door give the impression of having smashed its thumb anywhere? AVhy didn't the moths eat the door ? Hoist 'em out and give 'em a feed ?" And Mr Spoopcndyke caught the offending ivickct by the knobs and tugged until he was out of breath. "Perhaps it isn't so bad after all," murmured Mrs Spoopcndyke, following him around tho room iv a fruitless effort to catch up with him. "Praps it ain't!" roared Mr Spoopeudyke, holding his thumb out at arm's length. "Praps yo've got some scheme for making it worse! Oh, go ahead! Don't mind me! Take the thumb, friend, and do your worst ! And Mr Spoopcndyke dropped into his chair and groaned with ivrath. •' It's a good thing for this family that I can control myself !" he howled. "If I ivas like most men, the lot on ivhich this house stands would bo a good place to build!" With which solemn prophecy Mr Spoopeudyke ; sprung to his feet, kicked the chair into the obnoxious closet and snorted aloud, " I didn't mean your thumb, dear," explained Mrs Spoopcndyke ; "I was talking about the coat, Maybe the coat isn't in such a bad condition as I .supposed it was at first," "Think they left a pocket anyAvherc." inquired Mr Spoopeudyke, with a grimace, half pain and half anger. "Or praps you think that since tho moths eat the coat I can Avcar the moths ! Bring them out! Hold 'em up while I climb into the sleeves ! That's your idea, '; That's the notion that's bothering you so long?" "I don't know but what you can wear the coat anyivay .'" chirped Mrs Spoopcndyke, looking up cheerfully, and opening the door of her closet, ivhere sho had carefully hung the coat after sponging it that very day. "You run look at it, anyhoAv," and she brought it out, looking as new aud fresh as Avhen he bought it. Then there., something you don't knoAvP" ho grumbled, eyeing his rejuvenated garment Avith a critical eye. "If all yo.u don't know could only be dumped in together, what an idoit asylum it ivould make for some young and growing territory. Taking you all in all, you only Avant an air pump and a glass side to be a vacuum. Gimme the coat," and Mr Spoopcndyke grasped his garment, and threw it over his ivife's Avork-baskot for safe keeping, and then Avent to bed, wrapped in a cloud of growls. "I don't care," murmured Mrs Spoopcndyke; "it ivas the only way I could have got him to wear the coat, and it's no sure thing that he will wear his new kid gloves I bought him unless his: thumb gets better fast, and if he can't I can change thorn for a pair that will fit me, and AA'itlt this thrifty determination Mrs Spoopeudyke went to bed. I