random notes

Dominion, Volume 31, Issue 271, 12 August 1938, Page 10

random notes

Sidelights on Current Events (By Kickshaws.l Any further display of clean, fast football in which the AH. Blacks score 57 points is going to get us confused with Bradman and the Tests. « « « Hoses in Sydney, it is reported are barred, except for fires. The test of a real garden-lover is the man who will burn down his house for Ins garden. The Federal Government, we note, entertained the AU Blacks to dinner, and, (perhaps aptly, the Minister of the Interior took charge. ♦ » * We note that a Parliamentary committee in America is busy at the moment investigating “un-American activities.” This introduces a new complexity into tlie way of living which, if copied by other countries, will produce all manner of repercussions. We understand that Mr. Cyracuse Kiauswitz, an American citizen, is already in trouble. He has been charged with deplorably un-American activities in public. When Cyracuse met his friend from Russia, he said, “Welcome to tiny, little America.” His words were taken down by a Federal recording device and six mounted G-men. The result is now being used as evidence against him in that on August 11, 1938, at the intersection of 99th Street with 2nd Street, he did use words that grossly underestimated the size of his country. This most unusual un-American activity was indeed so indictable that six lawyers, 20 geographers, and a well-known alienist are still investigating the matter. Sensational revelations are certain.

In connection with this investigation of un-American activities that is proceeding in Washington, we have reliable information that the President of France has instituted similar investigations in his country. At the moment the French police have seized the person of pretty little Madame Bonmarche. She has been charged with un-French activities of the most ignoble type calculated to bring the fair name of France into the rubbish-dumps of the world. . Pretty little Madame Boumarche—she cries. The charge reads, when translated by one of Kickshaws’s experts: “Madame Cherie Bonmarche, when given food to prepare for her friends from England—to wit, one onion—failed to produce from the said one onion a meal fit to lay before visitors.” When the charge was read to her at the police the police corporal in charge added that to him it was incomprehensible how madame showed so little culinary acumen. His own little Chi-chi could have produced salad, soup, stew, and a nice little savoury from a supply of raw material that was indeed, ma foi, more than adequate for a banquet. Tears, we understand, came into the eyes of pretty little Madame Bonmarche. » » «

We regret to announce that serious repercussions have occurred in England as a result of the “un-American activities” that have formed the basis of an important investigation by Unele Sam. Mr. John Bull, a well-known suburban resident of Upper Norwood, is at present in close arrest as a result of certain un-English activities that have been observed when travelling to work by admittedly Underground methods three days ago. Mr. Smith, it is only fair to point out, was invigorated by the recent fine sunny weather that has caused such surprise during the recent English summer. When Mr. Bull met his friend Smith in the compartment, he said, merely to make conversation, slapping his own chest, "Morning, Smith. Lovely day?” Smith had no alternative but to agree. “Fact is,” added Mr. Bull, and this is. where he made a mistake, “I’ve arranged to take the family to Littleton Reservoir this week-end—largest body of water made by the hands of men in the whole world.” Mr. Smith is now in jail. His charge reads, "In that he was heard to state on etc., etc., at etc., etc., that a certain reservoir on the outskirts of London was the largest body of water made by man in the world, thereby drawing public attention to an achievement on the part of his country in a manner "incomprehensibly unBritish.”

Europe is scrambling for gold. Maybe as a result a proportion of the £2,000,000,000 of currency gold ■ will move from A to B, or, indeed, from B to A. Only the very wisest financial wizards cytild possibly decide that point. Meanwhile, in New Zealand, our sheep will produce their lambs, our cows their calves. Milk will be turned into cream and butter and the wool of our sheep will go to make clothes for the world. Even school text-books teach our children that Australia is noted for its goldfields. •*But one has to dig round to discover that the whole of the gold produced in Australia since 1850 is less in value than tlfte output from agriculture in that country over a period of three normal years. Even South Africa, which produces half the gold for Europe to corner or sell or move from A to B or from B to A, produces agricultural products worth more.

Let those who will scramble for gold. But let us remember that-it is not gold that enables a nation, in the ultimate analysis, to persist. Gold is useful for buying things. It can buy food and materials. Those who had to decide between civil and military needs in the Great War realised that it was materials that were required, not gold. The only nations that can fight for any length of time on their natural resources are the British Empire and the United States of America. If these two countries denied materials to countries at war, the fighting could not last for long. The ability to ensure the peace of the world is not founded on gold. Indeed, if the British Empire had to choose between all the gold in the world or all tlie minerals of the world, other than gold, the latter would be the more desirable. Indeed, one can go off gold indefinitely, but one cannot go off food. Just at the moment there is something more important than all tlie gold in the world. 'That is an alliance of friendship between the two great English-speaking nations of the world.

“In ‘Tlie Dominion’ there was recently .a photo of D. P, Fox, Hie winner of tlie Olaki Shield. Would you please tell me if tlie Otaki Shield is won for scholarships or athletics, and is it held every year?” asks “E.C.” [The shield commemorates tlie gallant light of tlie New Zealand Shipping Company's steamer Otaki with the German raider Moewe in 1917. Relatives of the commander of the Otaki presented to his college n shield to be awarded annually to tlie boy pre-emi-nent in character, leadership, and athletics. Tlie New Zealand Stiainship Company supplemented tlie gift with a free return trip to New Zealand.]