WITHOUT PREJUDICE

Dominion, Volume 19, Issue 78, 26 December 1925, Page 4

WITHOUT PREJUDICE

NOTES AT RANDOM

IW.

T.D.H)

-Christmas comes but once a year—ths family income couldn’t stand it any oftener.

Dr Bumpus remarked last evening that mankind will only be tally civilised when the Christmas feeling lasts all through the year. “Unhappily,” stated the Doctor, “our present stage of evolution is such that the pleasant state of contentment which now warms mv heart over the nuts and wine after a judiciously chosen Christmas repast will by Monday morning begin to wear thin, and by about the middle of the first week in January I shall even be in such a relapsed condition as to be capable of writing acrimonious letters to the newspapers about the Northland tunnel or whether the kinematograph posters are above or below par.”

“But, my dear sir,” exclaimed Major Fitzurse, “the virile and most valuable qualities of the race would be sapped at the root were a mushy atmosphere of easv-going good-will to prevail throughout the twelve months. . The greatest pleasure in human existence is the nroduction and maintenance, of strife—and by strife. I mean strife, Sir, in accordance with the rules laid down by the late Marquis of Queen.sberry—none of this d Bolshevik stuff. Man is essentially a carnivorous and combatative animal, and an anaemic vegetarian life of perpetual peace would be clean contrary to the entire ■plan of creation.” 1 * *

“There is a modicum of truth in your statement, Major,” conceded the Doctor. “But your deductions are too sweeping. You would argue, I suppose, that because the cavemen of Knocktophcr Abbey in the second glacial epoch—from whom your family, I understand, is descended—hammered each other’s craniums as part of the daily routine that such pleasing customs are destined to be the natural state of human existence for all time. “Mv ancestors, Sir,” said the Major, bringing his glass down on the tabic with some vehemence, “were gentlemen, and their descendants will brook no aspersions to the contrarj’ —” . “Granted, mv dear Sir. granted,’ interjected the Doctor. “Yet you must concede that manners aud customs Tiave changed. The etiquette of the society dining table in the caveman era was from ’all accounts of a more, pugnacious character than to-dav. with an. even, moie relentless determination exhibited in pursuit of the victuals than is now displayed bv a native, of Aberdeen in pursuit of a threepenny ’’it.”

“Change is the real established order of nature.,” continued the Doctor. “The Fitzurses, for example, were once kings of Ireland, but the temporal power has passed, though the spirituous prowess remains. . Thant you, I don’t mind if I do. . . Yes, Sir, ns I was remarkin progress is the'great outstanding, natural, law. Progress that sweeps into oblivion the effete, the usless, the mouldy anachronisms, and the whole mass of decayed rubbish and junk of bygone eras.” . “I hone, Sir,” inquired Major Fitzurse, solemnly, “that no personal application is intended in the latter portion of vour remarks?. . . Dummy, Sir,” added the Major, dubiously, as he set down the soda-water syphon, “it pounds mfahty like as if it might be an insult.”

“Calm yourself, Fitzurse,” said the Doctor. “My opinion of yourself and vour ancestry has been too fully placed on record for such doubt ever to have excuse. You, Sir, to whom I now raise mv class, are a triumphant survival of the earliest human, stock, victoriously persisting in sublime defiance of all the ordinary laws and processes of evolution.” . "Thank you, thank yon.” said tte Major, “I was sure no offence was . intended. Mv genealogy will certainly bear the fullest inspection, even if * small fiffitns or two docs occur here and there. . ■. but, of course, it is otilv in recent times that much stock was taken of such fine points. . . . But to return, to our original argument. lam auite unable to understand how civilisation could continue if this Christmas good-will idea prevailed throughout the twelve months. What in such case would become of the lawvers, the newspapers, the W.C.T.U., the Sports Protection League, the ratepavers’ associations, the "Labour Party, the Liberal Party, and the thousand and one essential adinnets in which civilised life finds its highest expression?”

"Your question, Sir. is easily answered,” replied the Doctor. If certain dislocation of employment occurred there arc a thousand acts of good-will that might be performed by those persons whose avocation was gone or whose leisure was no longer occupied. For example, think how many persons could be engaged locally tn a volunteer bucket brigade in the Orongorongo Valley carrying water to put in the new main and make th s new venture the success it deserves to be, even if the weather should by chance in any future summer leave off raining for a week.” “H-in-tn,” said the Alajor, “bnt what’s the use of water, sir?”

Another king has run away, thia time his Alajestv of tlie Hedjaz in Arabia. This mortality in monarchies makes it interesting to note that there arc still ten kings, not including King George, who are Knights <if the charter. Off-hand one would hardly have thought so many monarchs still remained on their thrones. One of the ten is the ATikado, and another is exKing Alanoel, who showed such a clean pair of heels in Portugal. _ Nevertheless, three monarchs remain in Europe who are not K.G.’s. They’ are Queen Wilhelmina of Holland, King Boris of Bulgaria, and King Alexander of Serbia. Asia has just pushed one Shah of Persia through the window, but it has an independent _ monarch in Afghanistan, and another in Siam, whose thrones .seem secure. A young hopeful who was reading the Christmas advertisements in a magazine asked his father what "de luxe” n-’iit. To which his father replied, “De luxe means that yon pay about 69 per cent, more for de looks.” She: “Thve you heard of Bee’s engagement ?” He: “Indeed. who’s the plucky man ?” SUNSHINE. (For a very little girl, not a year old.) The sun gives not directlv The coal, the diamond crown; Not in a special basket Are these from Heaven let down. The sun gives not directly, The plough, man’s iron friend; Not by a path or stairway Do tools from Heaven descend. Yet sunshine fashions all things That cut or burn or fly; And corn that teems upon the earth Is made in the hot sky. The gravel of the roadbed, The metal of the gun. The engine of the airshin Trace soinc’-'ow from the suit,And so your soul, my lady, (Merc Sunshine, nothing more)',Prepares the contraptions I work with or adore. —yachel Lindsay,