THE CHANGING SCENE

Dominion, Volume 2, Issue 318, 3 October 1908, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW. , . (Br M.C.K.) The Hon. R. A. Loughnan keeps on making discoveries, and his discoveries are generally of sermons in stonos, and books in running brooks, and freedom in gags. He can bo trusted to , find a currant of virtue in what to everyone else seema to be a plain brown bun of iniquity. When the object of his criticism is generally approved, ho will assuredly find some new beauty in it that the other critics overlooked. The Arbitration Bill, for example, "should," he says, "be regarded as a magnificent instalment of the amending process that was bound to go on for all time." Could praise go further? It's not one of your "final solutions" that politicians dread,, and a few outsiders, under. the pretence that they want things settled, but with the real purpose of throw-' ing politicians out of work, so persistently demand. The politician lives in constant fear that he may one day discover that the careful defects which he slipped into the laws were not defects at all, but final solutions. But in the case of the Arbitration Bill, all is well. The lovers have not fallen into each other's arms, necessitating the immediate addition of the gloomy "Finis." Indeed, Mr. Loughnan'is delighted to find that the Bill has actually .thickened the plot, and broadened the foundations of the structure sufficiently ; to ensure that generations of politicians will find steady employment. The labour market will not be congested for some' time to come by an influx of politicians out ."of,■ work." "A magnificent' Bill," says Mr. Loughnan, as'a doctor would say! "What a perfectly beautiful tumour.". . It has been suggested that the flood of immoral fiction can best be stemmed by the establishment of a book-reviewing department as a part of the police system. As the .is. very likely, to be adopted, it •is as well to consider the effects of it on the 'police. ; You can imagine a visitor being shown over the police station, and standing transfixed <it the sight of the reviewer, while the escorting orderly explains. Yes, he used to grapple the fighting drunk, and the burglar bent: on loot, .And never' a witness lied, when h# made him swear to tell "the trut'"; And once he helped in the symphony of noon in tho roaring j street' ■ When, . woof! like ,the 'VDaad March" drumbeats ;camethe''thud of his. ponderous feet.' He learned'to look, on,the human race with a . scowl ,severe and grim; For tho crash of the' Ten Commandments was a daily sound to him; And he often thought (he was prone to thought) ! as he slipped the handcuffs on, "Only the copper can Jcaow life proper; there';points in-being a John/'iJut now, just look at,his shrunken form. You never .would dare to think Those slender muscles could ever have dragged a fighting drunk to clink. '. ■ And look'' how his feet'have dwindled down, while his head is an awful size, The very reverse of a cop, you see, and look at ...his ; bulging eyes.-. '

What was it due to? Well; yon Bee,■ lie was^ ■ : v. dreadful prone .to. thought,,.. 80, they J ordered him . here keep his eye on' . the novels'that didn't ought. , And his. liead grew Big and his, feet grew small as he passed them in review— The books,that ranged,from forget-me-not to the darkest navy blue. And he says the drunks and the crookt and :, mags that he thought a desperate push ; Are'the infant class compared with the foik in ! i( ';''the books that .make him blush, ;Aid'he says that a Jotui jearns nothing, from I ii;j chasing around the'crooks, Since only the ■ copper, can know, Life proper who Studies the ladies', books. . " The Calcutta Customs officials discovered an attempt by Bengalis tb smuggle German guns,' bayonets '>■ and swords, which they pretended were steel goods."—Cable item. How foolish of them not to remove tho label "Made in Germany 1" A writer in The Dominion says:—"Banana Fritters—ln order to make these properly one has to know how to fry in deep fat. It is the best and cheapest way to fry." . No idoubt, but the sport ; will-; never become a serious rival of swimming all the same. Banana fritters are not worth it. :In thV'course. of a-speech at-the opening of, the Art Exhibition, the Prime Minister touched delicately 'on the fact that the pictures gave him a :touch of sciatica; "Ono ■■must expect, he supposed, in a young country, for some years at least," he said, "to' have some crudities in the pictures placed in their galleries, but it not the good fortune, of everyone to go through-the gal-, leries of the older world and receive instruction and inspiration therefrom." . 'It is understood that a (leading artist will return the visit by attending the House before, the session closes. In the course of his address he will say: • "But that was a minor point, and he would dwell no longer on' the clumsy shape of members except to say that a few were .out of. drawing. Reading the statutes, ho had .been struck by the large quantity of amateurish work. There were, some able studies, however; he was particularly pleased ,iyith the grand and impressive gloom, and the masterly massing of obscurity and dark'ness, in the'series ;of sketches entitled ,'Native Lands.'. But, no doubt, as education spread, and a few of the works of older countries. were made accessible to members, there would doubtless be a decided improvement. Crudities were to be expected. Only study wonld correot, for example, tho tendency—common to all beginners—to believethfljt the laws of economics can be disregarded. It was nevertheless encouraging to find that there was a real enthusiasm for legislation. Ho thought that Parliament' might with advantage aim at doing less. Quality could; be gained at the expense of quantity. Sir Joseph Ward had praised the frames of' some of the pictures at the exhibition, 1 He (the speaker) thought it right to return the compliment by alluding to the excellent manner in which even the— should he say amateur?—laws were printed."

"Respecting the Dominion Day celebrations I'eilding is calm." —Press Association message. In the effervescing epoch, when • Emotion's ready tire • , Is ignited by Occasion's smallest spark, And the public's fervid feelings drive the publio . .to perspire In a fete of flags and speeches in the' Park, Like an ice at noon in summer, like the shadow, of a rook r ln a desert where there throws not any palm Is that message cool and tonic, like a shower, bracing shock: "Feilding's calm." While our bosoms palpitated at the things the speakers 6aid, And we cheered till over-weary to applaud, Sturdy Feilding milked its. hows, and talked ol calves, and went to bed, . . And, placid and unfaltering, it snored. On ray spirit, hot and weary in the storm ot loose emotion, Fell the message like a cool and holy balm, And I clung to this reflection in the midst of tho commotion: Feilding's calm. , When my spirit faints and llutters at the thought of Judgment Day And tho nations wildly scurrying to and fro, Thoughts of Feilding come snd soothe me and dispel my dark dismay, And my cheeks regain their colour, for 1 know That amidst, the tire and thuador, as the human race goes under, 'Midst the tumult of amnzement and alarm As the sheep and goats ara sorted, it will ■ surely bo reported That "respecting this occurrence, Fei,diug'a caim;"-

" I am always," said a candidate for Parliament this week, "I am always tho same George Winder. . . But I tell you I always was George Winder, and I shall always be George Winder. . . Whether I am returned to the House or not, I shall always be tho same George Winder." In these days of chango and uncertainty it is a relief to find such steadfastness of purpose in a candidate for Parliament. The public is tired of men who keep on being all sorts of other people. And not less worthy than Mr. Winder's—or rather George Winder's—determination not to be Sir Josoph Ward or Captain Cook, or anybody olse in. " the future, is the fidelity with which' he has resisted evory temptation to be • another person in the past. You feel that "you know where you are with a candidate like that. He not only always will be George Winder, but he always was George Winder. And, if modesty had not forbade his saying so, he is at this very moment George Winder. In fact, no matter what tense you take, this grand unalterable sameness meets your eye. It is not merely, that ho is George Winder: he is also the sam<) George Winder. And since, when you vote for George. Winder, you can-be quite sure .that you really are voting for George Winder, and not for another person of the same name, it is .perfectly clear that you cannot do better than vote for him. How Mr. M'Lean can reply to this argument is difficult to , imagine. He may claim that he was George Winder, and maybe that he is George Winder, but it is preposterous to : believe that ho can claim with any hope of being believed that he always will be George Winder. In fact, Mr. M'Lean seems tb.be howled out. " Has he ever;, lost an hour of his time or done anything.-to help any-humanitarian or social work ,of the city? What lias ho dono for the .cause he says he has had so much at heart this last three years? Has he been on the Se.ddon Memorial Committee, or has he been on any of : the committees which have got up meetings and functions for Liberal' leaders during the last few years .'"—Extract from' a Liberal .candidate's speech. "Hinnissy," said Mr. Dooley, "ar-re ye, a Lib'ral? ,Iv coorse y'are, ye say. An' ye wud tell me, if I let ye talk, which f'r yore own sake I don't let ye, ye wud tell me ye love tk' gag an' th 1 leasehol' an' th'* overthrow iv th' brutal an' reactionary forrfces iv th' Toryism' that" wants things lef' as they are.". "So I do think those things," said Mr. Hennessy. "Jawn, ye're 1 out iv date. Yero mind is obsolete an' • ye're dead t' higher pollytics. How much did,ye give t' th' Liblab picnic? Can little Tim an' Katie recite th' dates in Misther' Se.ddon's life? Cud ye say offhan' what wuz : on tho menu at'th' banquet t' me frind Joe?' Yo 'can't; Jawn. An'- that mean's ; that'ye'vo' riot even bogun t' know what Lib'ralism is. - We've'escaped,fr'm th' darrk an' ignorant days whin Lib'ralism meant pollytics, .'an' whin th' candydate used t'.fog his brairi be' thryin' ,t' make up some idees on - th' quistions iv th' hour. Th' notion that't' be a successful Lib'ral ye sliud be ablo t' bowl out th' argymints iv th' vile .'Tory, that notion-went out with lowcut vests. T' ondherstan' modhorcn Lib'ralism , ye sliud watch th' c'andydates. 'Ladies and gentlemen;' says th' risin' hope iv th v parrty in Wellington West, ' I stan' here as a Lib'ral,. an' not;'like'me opponent, as a Tory in Liti'ral clothing.. Me rival, he says,' '.is thryin'. t' induco ye t' believe him a Lib'ral be expressin' Lib'ral opinions on pollytical quistions. He is plausible, but,' says lie, Ihe is false,' he says. • "Tis thruo that what he says is what Sir Joe says. I grant ye he med.a fine case f'r himsilf (loud arid tumulchoos laughter), an', that lie.looked like; a..Li6'ral.j ■ But lie 1 did not tell ye,' he says, .'"that he-had yiiiver shook, hands; with SirJoe,' : says: he.' (Sensation.) 1 1 challenge, him t' deny that he has not a photygraft if the late Dick Seddon. over th' mantelpiece. (R&ynowed an' prolonged sensation.) I challenge him t' say what is th' fav-rite dhrink iv th' Lib'ral leaders,' he says. 'In fac', ladies an' gentlemen, he is™ Lib'ral.' Ho can only give ye views. He has nawthin' t' offer but opinions. Do yo want opinions? Do ye want idees? Has Lib'ralism iver had anny connection with thought?' says lie, an' the aujience climbs on th' chairs an' cries ' No,' ' Niver.' •' Who,' says th' candydate, ' thought iv th' presentation' t' th'" Ministher las' week? Who helped Sir Joe t' 'th' wine ■th' other day? Who won tli' sa'ck' race at th' Liblab picnic? Ladies ail' gentlemen, it was yere humble servant. My eldes' son,' ho says, 'is named Richard John Joseph George, an' his baby names weVe Libby and Labby (cheers),' ho says. An' th' aujience passes a motion affirmin' that th' candydato ,wuz th' only wan who had given, proofs iv havin'-at all times striven harrd f'r th' gran' principles, iv Librralisni." "But they mus' have some ideas," said Mr. Hennessy., "Wan," said Mr. Dooley. "Wan., T' get th' beans." .., ..