SUPERFLUOUS APOLOGIES.

Dominion, Volume 1, Issue 262, 29 July 1908, Page 5

SUPERFLUOUS APOLOGIES.

/Hpw many/women exist who are sufficiently - well -poised to : avoid apologising' where apolo-gies-are; usual,>but; quite' unnecessary (says a Sydney writer). Most /.of us so, urider-value '. ouh self-respect,;;arid, so -desire to -impress • others/ that wo often make excuses, for doing, even' -our duty, especially-when that duty takes the form of work which is popularly., supposed to be inferior. ; /Where is. the/wo-; man who would not apologise-if'an.uriexpected caller found her scrubbing the back-door steps?:. There aro.even women who willapplo-: ■ giSe for their: appearance while stove-cleaning. . I "once went canvassing for help for a hospital ball. Naturally, I did most of calling in. tho mornings, as I found that responsible'persons were so often oiit in the , afternoons.; Almost without exception where ' a woman,did'her own'work: she apologised for , her'appearance, i I^ ; became quite/ludicrous, and I took to speculating on.what form tho apology: would take as I knocked at each . door. . I was usually asked in. If I did enter ! tho state of tho rooms was made the subject of excuses., Why the very; necessary process of/sweeping 'or airing, bedding or-having . mats oiit for their accustomed, shaking should .be -matter for apology. I have' never been able to, discover. If apology is needed it .should come' from /the casual /caller, .who ■ breaks in: upon the: sacred "daily round." . When people.are asked for a specified time it is . -taken for granted that all due ,'iireparations:will be,made for their, visit, and in that case if ,'any untoward event prevents a hos- , tess from being ready to receive her guests an'ap'ology is'-not.'out.of place.. But it:is • . .quite-ridiculous to apologiso to :the "unexpected caller. who finds you doing your/wash-: : tag-.., :

: , If, as happens in everyone's ' : visitors arrive at an inconvenient time, you may, with the best gracp in the world, make : them at. homo where!; you We working'.;) There r is _ no reason why,;you'ij, jam. should become a .: cause- for, tears"in the kitchen jwhile you smile ; thd.smiles.,of hypocrisy at your caller in " ; tjbe : ;drawiiig-room> idea that it -is; quite ; impossible .to • entertain " a 'person {of . that ; wi™ in your, kitchen' ..is ' a fiction' of ryour ; own, brain. You may do anything you' like if. you know- how. to do. it- I went late one' > afternoon' with 'a; message 'to ;a%oman:.'6f. my • acquaintance, a' charming ' woman of l tho ; world;-.who' ; did her own work, anil who was ;' accustomed "to entertain' ''title" at> her dc- ;■ lightful bungalow cottage.:'"' It' was;not'her '. day. •, She'•'wore/,when she' met' me a .neatly fitting' print' wrapper, a la princesse robe, • ■ and' : at oljice ' led the- way'.tocher ; kitchen. There: I found : the vicar , seated'on thcice- ; chest, a' colonel on : the flour , bin. and ; the ' vicar's wife-on tho only'kitchen chair. The ; saucepan rack accommodated mc v We' liad :af most, .'inspiring .. conversation! .'while i our. hostess prepared a- roast ..and 'did. her veget-;. ables.: I could not help -being .struck' with ; the absenfce' of tho '.usual: apology, "'"."'which ; wquld,- of course, have been quite out of . rplace, since!we all much.preferred the "inner ; circle" - .atmosphere of that homely ; kitchen •' t'6;any.formal reception in the parlour. That ; woman's "sensible .attitude towards kitchen iwork made'her quite unconscious of any rea- * sbn'why she 'should excuse herself; for being found doing,,it any more than' she should apologise: for" being found' plaj'ing the' piano ': or! reading French.. She liad that enviable ; imvard calm that knowsVnot embarrassment ■ iri' the ; performance of humble but. necessary . duties. More than that, she "knew how." So'may wo all .by simply ceasing to .pretend, and by being oblivious of foolish opinion. If ; you ever havo a casual caller who would prc- , for to staj' in the drawing-room whiloyour jam boils over on your clean stove, justcouht . her right out of tho things that matter. Really sincore people apologise only whon they, have been the cause of inconveniencing : or:'embarrassing'others, or of wounding their feelings. v Thero is. such , a lot of nonsense ; talked and written about etiquette and the ' "correct thing" in this age that some people are -im danger" of losing any definite Knowledge vthey : may ever have possessed as to ■what'they may or may not do, and until the lost art of being-natural comes back to iuo. we shall probably continue to apologise ;for using our common sense.