Miscellaneous.

Clutha Leader, Volume XX, Issue 1025, 16 March 1894, Page 3

Miscellaneous.

. + — : Two women of the people stood the other day before the Judge in a Vienna law court. They had quarrelled, slanderous words had psssed, and they now wanted their quarrel determined by the Judge. Frau Balenta, standing in the position of the accused, was asked by the Judge if she had ever appeared as a defendant in a court of law. 'Have you a clear character 1 ?' said the Judge. The accused was silent. The Judge, putting the question in a more distinct form : ' Have you ever suffered a legal punishment?' The defendant : ' Yes.' The Judge : ' What !' The defendant : ' I am married.' (Laughter, in which all in the court joined.) The Judge : 'Is that a punishment V The defendant, laconically : ' Yes.' The two women were at length reconciled, and the • frau with the punishment' was acquited.

New axioms by Mark Twain : — Training is everything. — The peach was once a bitter almond ; the cauliflower is nothing but a cabbage with a college education. — -Let us endeavour so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. • — Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down stairs a step at a time. — One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is tbat a cat has only nine lives. — The holy passion of f rendship is of so sweet, and steady, and loyal, and enduring a nature, that it will last through a whole lifetime — if not asked to lend money. — Adam and eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething. — There is a trouble about special providences— namely, there is so often a doubt as to which party was ever intended to be the beneficiary. In the case of the children, the bears, and the prophet, the bears got more real satisfaction out of the episode than the prophet — because they got the children.

At a recent meeting of the Blairgowrie Free Church Congregstion to elect a snccessor to the late Rev. Dr Baxter, after much discussion the long list of candidates was reduced to two, by name Morrison and Johnston. Still there were objections to both candidates. They v were admittedly sound in floctrine, eloqqeht preachers, and

mighty in the scriptures, but still they manifested imperfections. Mr Murray explained the nature of these defects. He said one objection he had to Mr Johnstone was his preaching with a closed Bible. Then they had Mr Morrison, who leaned over his Bible — and it was possible other candidates might stand on it. The Rev. gentlemen should expound the Bible, and not to shut it. -He thought they should have a second . hearing. — The suggestion was adopted, ; ' but it is said the Rev. gentlemen referred to are not likely to trouble the congregation further.

Few people realise what 'a wonderfully delicate piece of mechanism the human ear really is. That which we ordinarily designate as the 'ear' is, after all, only the mere outer porch of a series of winding passages which lead from the world without to the world within. Certain of these passages are" filled with liquid, besides having membranes stretched like parchment curtains across the corridor at different points. When a sound-wave strikes these they are thrown into vibrations, and made bo tremble like the head of a drum does when struck with a stick or with the fingers. Between two of these parchment-like curtains a chain of minute bones extends, which serves to tighten or relax the membranes ani to communicate vibrations to them. In the innermost place of all a row of white threads, called nerves, stretch like the string of a piano from the last point from which the tremblings reach, passing thence inward to the brain.

It was a hot day, and the pastor of a church, looking over his congregation when about half through his sermon, noted many nodding heads. • I wonder how many of you, brethren,' he observed, in the somewhat monotonous tone in which he had been preaching for nearly half an hour, 'would be ready if the angel of death should make his appearance at this moment and call out in a loud voice, " tickets." ' Forty seven communers in various parts of the house awoke with a jerk, felt hastily in their vest pockets for something, looked confusedly about them for a moment, and became instantly attentive and devout.

The Germans are a practical people. They know how (says the Million) to make the punishment fit the crime. When a man assaults his wife in England he is sent to prison, and his family thereupon are deprived of his support. If the term of imprisonment^ a longone his wife and children probably spend it in the workhouse awaiting his release. The Germans improve on this system. Instead of keeping the husband in confinement to the possible starvation of those dependent on him, he is arrested every Saturday on leav- , ing his work, and kept in custody until Monday morning, when he goes to work as usual. The process is repeated until the sentence is worked out.

We, in England (a Home paper remarks), have grown so accustomed to the extraordinarily youthful appearance of the Princess of Wales' that we have ended by taking it as a matter of course. Abroad, her almost girlish beauty is looked upon as something abnormal. * A grandmother,' exclaimed the Romans, ' not possible !' And ifc has frequently happened that, when driving or walking about, the Princess has been mistaken for one of her own daughters. The simple black skirts just clearing the ground, the pretty coats, blouses, and sailor hats worn by the Royal ladies on their travels, have met with general approval.

The Russians believe that it is a great sin to eat meat during the fasting period ; but it is not considered a sin to give themselves to extreme drunkenness About two years ago a Finn, on his way home from the city of Helsingfors, was murdered and robbed by a Russtan. Tbe murderer took everything the poor fellow had except the meat which he . was taking home to his family. Upon being asked' before the court why he had not taken the meat, having robbed the murdered man of everything else, he said, ' " I am orthodox," and .this is the fasting period, during which it is a sin to eat meat,'* Oh, woman, if you will have carpets somebody must propel the sweeper; if you must have stuffy curtains and hangings someone must fight the invading moth ; if you will make your house an art gallery, a museum of modern curios, a furniture warehouse, a china emporium, a toy shop and a World's Fair miniature — why, you do make it a dimple of loveliness, but know this, my daughter, and hear it for thy good, she that increaseth in bric-a-brac increaseth care, and much bijouterie is a weariness of the flesh, writes Robert J,. Burdette in his own inimitable way on 'The Taskmistress of Woman ' in the Ladies' Home Journal. But all this is your own doing. Wherefore do not come around the den of the man, wailing that woman's .work is never done ; that you are tired to death, and that you have no time to read or improve yourself. Go to your mirror' and make faces at the responsible party. Of course, the '• monster enjoys all these things — tbe exquisite taste and the art of loveliness in his house. He enjoys j toothsome breakfast and the dainty china, elaborate luncheon and th«s great dinner. But he do^n't really need so much, and I doubt very much if it is 'good, for him • he is always apt to get more than is good for him, ,