Facefià.

Clutha Leader, Volume II, Issue 83, 10 February 1876, Page 7

Facefià.

" A little nonsense" now and thsn, Is relished by the wisest men."

What is the difference between a : reddish horse and a horse radish 1 — About as much as exists between a houseleek and a leaky house. Hobbs says he has one of the most obedient boys in^ the world. He tells him to do as he pleases, and he does it without murmuring. The acute individual who discovered " sermon in stone " has been lately engaged in placing letters in columns — the result of his labour is a newspaper! Why is a man who cannot make another joke like an umbrella %—Because he is used up. . If you meet a lady in a dirty lane, why would it make the lane dirtier ? — Because you would ad-mire> How would you express in ono word having met a doctor of medicine 1 — Met-a-physician. "I know a gal so modest, Sam, dat she ordered her beau out ob de house."

— " What for Pompey ?"— " Bekase, in a conversation on the snbjec' ob de wedder, he said de wind had shifted."

A missionary recently in London was riding on the outside of a 'bus, and told the driver that he had been in China. Jarvy was much interested, and promptly asked, "Are they a civilised-like people about there, sir ? Do they take €heir gin of a morning ?" Teetotalism Aforbids a man to touch anything that can intoxicate — except a pretty girl's lips. You may taste that article after signing the pledge if you'll only do it discreetly and with moderation.

A man swallowed a set of teeth lately, and the last accounts of him stated that he was expenncing, as was to be expected, a terible gnawing in the stomach. The * Farmer's Journal ' says ' that there is great art in making a g*ood cheese." Yes, a fine fresh cheese is an admirable production of Art, and a very old one is often a rare speciman of "animated nature."

Two ladies contended, in the Court of Charles V., as to who should take precedence of the other. They appealed to the monarch, who replied, " Let the elder go first." We are told that such a dispute was never again heard of.

In attempting to carve a fowl, a new settler at Adelaide found, considerable difficulty in separating its joints, and exclaimed against the man who sold him an old hen for a young chicken. " My... dear," said the enraged man's wife, "don't rail so at the aged and respectable Mr Bush; he sowed the first field of corn that. was grown in the place," — "-I know that," said her husband, *' and I believe this hen scratched it up.

A celebrated composer wrote to a friend, requesting the pleasure of his company "to luncheon; key of ' G. " His friend, a thorough musician, interpreted the invitation rightly, and came to the" composer's house for luncheon at " One sharp."

Old Clothesman — " Any ole clo' to shell, shir?" Gent (indignantly) — « Hang you ! No I ! !" Old Clothesman — "Very skorry, shir; ment no offence, shir. : Did'nt. know that was only shuit you'd got, shir !" *'* Ah, well, Mrs Jenkins, them as lives longest sees most ; but as I often says to my old man, says I, a kind an easy obligation, goes a good deal further than a hobnailed boot, or a quart pot, says I." A farmer living just out of Vicksburg was reading in an agricultural paper the other day an article headed " Be ; Kind to Your Cow." He went out to milk with a heart full of kindness, and as he sat down he whispered : " So, boss — stand around— g*ood creature— hist a little — there, you intelligent and kind-hearfed old bossy." About two minutes after that his wife heard him yelling- and -whooping, and as she ran; to 'the door he called out: " Bring me the axe, Maria, and the spadej and the big club there, and the butcher knife;- and that shot gun ; - for I'll be darned , if this oldhellian shall ever live to kick me in, the jaws agin,"

A correspondent sends the following | letter to the ' American Horticulturist ': — " Dear Sir, — The land composing i my farm. had hitherto been so poor that a Scotchman could not get a living off ir, and so stony that we had to slice our potatoes and plant them edgeways, but hearing of your manure, I put some | on a 10-acre ; field surrounded by a railroad fence, and in the morning I found that the rocks had entirely .disappeared and. a neat stone wall encircled the -field.? A A —..; . - „ *" ; Sembliris overheard two scientific gentlemen -in .a- -private- conversation. One says'j <? Doc, I see you have your shingle -out as a regular -family cian ;" how, is that! I. thought you were intending to practice the veterinary." "Well; I'll tell you, colonel: I did practice at that, and expected to keep on at it : ;; but it's so awkward, sometimes, you know ; a valuable horse dies, on your hands; -and there's a devilish si£ht.of talk ; about ; it— every-; body speculates upon what the horse is worth, and how^.he might have been r saved,, and there's -a chanca for a/suit of damages— malpractice, and jail 3that;| but in' : this ! family\line,' if j a : child slips _,the -,hqoks^qr r . f somebody's wife-.or r mo-l ' ther.-iri-daw dies the- groundis; dug' oyerl on the whole storyy arid there's 'none- 0$ that foolish talk," ~ .-".'.'