No escape from daily torment

Press, 23 March 1988, Page 19

No escape from daily torment

j Py

CARMEL FITZSIMONS

Those !j who escaped from I the j capsized], wreck lof the Herald of Free Enterprise off[ the Belgian coast have spent the lastj year, discovering that there is no escape from the flawing memory] of such la [consuming disas:er. [I Peter (Spooner, of the Ferald Falmily Association, [lost hisison in the tragedy and has nevbr •travelled by roll-on roll-off ferry since. ■IJ I; . [ ' I ' . [| “We have all (been finding jit[a very difficult time, remembering thatia year ago [he was herejand is no longer,” he said. “I know] my eldest -son g rieves for his brother deeply. But there are others for whom the pain is almost unbearable and whp hate the thought of all the films [arid pictures i of the disaster being shown again.” I Relatives and friends of. the 150 passeiigers [and ]3B members

!H HI - of the ship’s crejv who died have met | three; times since the capsized Their last reunion was held in January in] |a cold and drauighty: church hall, where for seven hours they;' shared grief and [sandwiches] in a makeshift; attempt at staunching the pain of ! loss.! ' IH A disaster, with all its surprise, enormity and publicity, creates distinctly new and very ; lonely places ii the [heart. ! Peter Spooner says: i’Fpr five ' weeks we were waiting for ‘good news]’ that) our son’s ! body had been pulled out of the sea. How could that) realty be good news to any normal person? (Fbr us it became so important i to] b[e able to bury him! We needed something tang;

'll l: I- i’ : jJI. '! I i ■I ' |i- ;l I j i-l Iible, a. funeral at w inch we could I: grieve’ in the :ime-honoured.[ way.” : I Derek Nuttall, of the bereave-;! i ment organisation CRUSE, be- [ lieves that the private imemory i of [the anniversary of death is always painful. Bpt it is! multi- I plied tenfold when that private ] anniversary is recalled ! publicly,; ] as in the case oflmhjor disasters. “In grief we have to travel emotionally; otherwise it becomes static and dossibly pathologically stuck. [Tim .anniversary marks another segment of that] journey, but there] is no doubt? that it is a particularly wrench- i ing! one. It resurrects all those feelings of sadnesbJ j , ' i I “The risk is that when the i “ 'IP II

families overcome the anniversary hurdle' they will imagine ] i they have done it all. In many cases we find the second |year is actually the worst. The Ifirst year ; is! one of activity, and[ battling, and disaster victims’ | families I have a sense of purpose. We find fhat as! this lessens they need , more, riot less, consolation.” ' Ij: I' t H■l' I 'I I -Il I'lii I i CRUSE is particularly con- ! cerned 'about [ the [I young I people I left in the wake of the tragedy. It I is often too [readily assumed that; youthful resilience! will[ see them through. Some of J the families caring for the ytying people (are taking them away' so triey [will not have to reljve the , horror; others have decided to give them anj opportunity to reassess that terrible day. Either way, says Derek Nuttall, the; chldren and teenagers’ I pain should I not be underestimated. 11 1111 ; | . : ll'’ I i I i-i ■-I'li I I I ■ j I ] I