Reporter’s diary

Press, 4 August 1987, Page 2

Reporter’s diary

Smear campaign? TO get the full effect of a football dressing room, promoters of the play “Foreskin’s Lament” will waft the unmistakeable whiff of liniment around the Theatre Royal when the play opens tomorrow evening. Full olfactory sensations unique to postmatch dressing rooms and showers are not possible, but liniment is definitely a starter. The only problem is how to sustain the pong until (and only until) the season' ends on Saturday. Infiltrating the air conditioning may be too drastic for the non-combatants in the box office and it seems people can get the drift, as it were, only if the ointment is spread on a body. Pre-smeared audience stooges are a possibility and it has not escaped notice that this could be the first instance of live scratch and sniff theatre. Spectacular saving A frugal Christchurch man decided to save a few dollars by tinkering

under the bonnet of his car himself. Correcting a relatively minor mechanical fault proved simple enough and he shut the bonnet with a satisfied thunk — right on top of his spectacles that he had momentarily rested on the engine. A replacement pair cost him $370, which of course, was far more than the garage costs he may have met Addressing the problem ... BAMFORD Street and Long Street became linked as a result of the Woolston Cut and on June 1 this year the road was renamed Gould Crescent. The residents in the crescent have just received their rate demands from the City Council, all addressed to Bamford Street or Long Street and all stamped with a justly snitchy Post Office reminder: "Please inform sender of your correct postal address.” If the council — which changed the names in the first place — needs to be told, what hope is there for the rest of the world?

...of new streets NAMES of roadways are chosen with great care by the town planning chappies. The Woolston Cut has led to new roads in that area, all needing names. Gould Crescent is named after George Gould who ran a shipping service up the Heathcote River in the 1850 s and 1860 s, and he was a successful councillor in 1862. Another road close by has been named Alport, after A. J. Alport who ran a similar shipping service. Palnurus Road, which is yet to be built, is the name of a schooner which ran up the Heathcote last century. Hairy exploits STUDENTS at the School of Pharmacy in Heretaunga, Wellington, will be literally counting hairs during the next 48 weeks. Forty balding men have volunteered to be guinea pigs for trials of a new prescription medication for the treatment of male pattern baldness. The two types of hair to be counted — “tenninar’ (pigmented, developed

hair) and “vellus” (unpigmented, fine hairs) — will all come from a predetermined circular test area on each patient’s head. If the students do prove this cure for baldness they may also find an alternative to counting sheep as a remedy for insomnia. 21 today ATTENTION all Royalists: a 21-gun salute to be fired today at noon by the Army’s saluting battery at Point Jemingham near Oriental Bay, Wellington, will honour the birthday of Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother. The redoubtable matriarch is 87 years old today. Loaded comment ONE American not fooled by fancy diplomatic talk of United States’ intentions to deal with “Iranian moderates” is Dr Henry Kissinger. He recently offered this definition: “An Iranian moderate is one who has run out of ammunition.” —JENNY FELTHAM