Auto Gossip

Press, Volume CXII, Issue 33106, 22 December 1972, Page 14

Auto Gossip

by

A. J. P.

All a sham

This word “simulated” is becoming almost a standard fitting in car manufacturers’ catalogues, these days. We have, of course, had simulated woodwork for years—originally it was nasty painted metal, now it is even more nasty glued-on plastic. Simulated leather in seats has been with us a long time too, and now a firm in Britain is producing head-rests of simulated leather with—wait for it—simulated perforations. No doubt the whole affair has been duly tested in a simulated crash against a simulated brick wall. One might, it seems, fairly suggest that in the context of motoring advertising, “simulated” could be translated as “a cheap and inferior substitute for.” The last example of simulated woodwork I saw was peeling untidily off its backing after only a few weeks. Might one also suggest that if materials are any good, they should be able to stand on their own name and reputation?

(that word) wheels

Simulated alloy road wheels have been with us now for a couple of years, but it is simulated woodrim

steering wheels that I dislike. Japanese cars often have them—l’m told (by an agent for British cars) that this is because wood is a scarce commodity in Japan, but perhaps that is just a bit of cunning Occidental sa’esmanship. Be that as it may, steering-wheels with rims of plastic wood are nasty and slippery in hot weather, and far inferior to non-simulated wood, which in turn is vastly inferior to non-simu-lated natural-grown leather. What’s the buzz Thanks to those who write motoring advertisements, in their various forms, there are many otherwise respectable (and some not-so respectable) words and phrases which have assumed the status of “buzz-words” in automotive literature. You may recall buzz-words: they were those in a long list compiled by an American advertisingman for insertion in

addresses, papers, reports and so on to give the work the ring of erudition and authority without actually meaning anything. It was possible to construct an entire sentence of the things. A sonorous, dignified personage, like some politicians, could make it all sound marvellous, albeit meaningless. But in the automotive field, we. have such examples as “colourkeyed,” “decorator colours,” “exciting,” “luxurious,” “total harmony,” “breakthrough,” "completely new,” and all the other respectable words which have become debased. Next time you read a magazine, especially an American one, make up your own list. You might even write your own combination advertisement from it. Quote of the week “A new Japanese car was being checked in Christchurch by a motor import company, and under the rear seat was found a Japanese lunch-box, complete with chop-sticks and soft-drink (flat) and containing a rather decayed Japanese meal.”—From an item in the Citroen Car Club’s newsletter.