LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Press, Volume XXXI, Issue 4204, 18 January 1879, Page 3

LOAFER IN THE STREET.

The Society of American Carriage Builders have elected Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes an honorary member of their body for having written tfee poem called "The One-Horse Shay." This is "a very graceful compliment to , the|author of the " Autocrat of the Breakfast Table." I Imow a manr-luxow him rery well—who once wrote somepoem* in jo®* paper trader the peeiidonym of M Pleeeeman X." It would be very gratifying to bim were the police to elect him on the same grounds an honorary member of the force. Bat upon second thought's there would not be mnch m it, for under tie present rate of police lalame most of the force are to all intents and purposes honorary members., A duel with pocket kpive* v reported by the "Wanganui Chronicle" to have taken place between two schoolboys at Wanjwnm. One of the lade was slightly wonndeo\ bofe the results are not likely to be serious. This ie one of the effects of high class education. A few years ago the lads would have fought with fista, and you can bet the remits would . have been very serious for at least one of the

parties engaged. : - " Wanted, a Patient listener. A local man preferred. Apply by letter, stating terms." Thus does a fellow advertise in the columns of a northern contemporary. {The man he want* is a paper man. A reporter is, probably from force of habit, the most patient listener on the face of die known world. We are told there ii rmihi n E from withont a man that can defile him, bat there is plenty that can i&dden him very near to the extent of rending Mβ clothe*. Talk about" the oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely," and the other fjydele M* Hamlet mentions in his famous speech on suicide, a paper man has to put np frith theja *& CTery day. He hearfl m«e

eloquential aquelsh, more flat notes, and see* more commonplace meanness than any other man. Thus it is that reporters are amongst tboee whom tho gods lore and die young. Thui do they sink into early graves. There was a man married the other day in San Franoisco. Tbis is how be chante hi* matrimonial requiem— * On Saturday, at San Francisco, California, hy the Rev. W. A. Scott, D.D., o! St. John's Presbyterian Church, San Francisco, George Danie, of Anstruther, Fifeshire, Scotland, to Mrs Tetuanirireiaiteniiatea Salmon Brander, of Tahiti, Booiety|lslande." Mrs Brander , e front name would make just about as fair a start for the fly leaf of a family Bihle as could be well imagined, but there are times—say after being at the Philosophical Society—when it would take her husband long hours to address the wife of bis bosom in a correct manner. Can anyone say there is nothing in a name after saying Tetuanireiaiterniatea three times art/*. From time to time recently we haTe had telegrams in reference to Father Hennebery, but it was onlj a few dajrs since I came across a full report of one of his speeches, deliyered in Auckland. The reverend Father wishes to make a bonfire of all novels, a view fa which, I imagine, few even of his own creed will coincide: but bis nvetenoe further denounces dances, balls, and kissing. This is carrying the aeeetio bis a little much. Kissing, so far as I can Judge, has beea a popuhr itistitution t for many centuries. It is one of the few fashions that never go out. Some people that cant get kissed any other way adopt the most ingenious methods of taking part in the game, such, for instance, as the aged spinster who was reduced to kiesinga chap for his mother. I'm afraid Father H. Sir Oalahads are very scarce and ever will be. Sir Galahad, you may remember, was a young knight who said ho " Nerer felt the kiss of lore. Nor maiden's hand in his. I believe Sir Galahad to have been the greatest liar on record.

Professor Madn'g, the famcrai German lingniet, has recently expressed his conviction that the English language trill be the leading one of the future, and that it will eventually overspread India, China, Japan, and indeed all parts of the known world. In the good time ooming when '.' One Bong employs all nations," , the Professor thinks that song will be sung in the English tongue. This is very satisfactory, because if Madvig be correct wo can knook off learning other languages and pay a little more attention to our own. There is something saddening to an Anglo-Saxon to hear one of his race who fancies himself on the talk get up and speak a piece in which he displays a wonderful liberality with the letter H and considerable originality about the last letter in the word something. In the haloyon days foretold by the vaticinating Mad rig it may perchance happen that public men will strive now and then to keep within the confines of grammar. At present) I know a number of very influential people in this country who never open their months without waltzing outside the simplest rules kid down by Lindley Murray. They mean well, but it's very nerve shattering to many of their audience. At the last meeting of the City Oonnoil Councillor Lezard called attention to the odoriferous state of the side channels. On this OounoiUor Wilson observed that there •was not a single offensive smell in any of the side channels of the city, and added that Cr. Lezard 'had taken his knowledge from a mis-

taken paragraph, which had appeared in the morning's paper. M? Wilson should really be more careful about such statements. The •writer of the paragraph in question is no doubt often hard enough up fqr news, but this metropolis will still supply pabulum enough for the boye to keep them from being compelled to invent a smell. Mr Wilson can have quite a selection of them if ho go to the right places—almost ac many as Coleridge sniffed in Cologne, only ours are more high toned, and probably poeeess more oharaoter. 4_n American contemporary cays that it excited a good deal of pleasure on that side of the water to hear that John Walter of the London "Times" has been raised to the Peerage. So it did here. It's satisfactory to think of an inkslinger being made a peer. With most of us, however, it seems good enough if we can make a beer. The Honolulu paper is a very well conducted journal, but I fancy it is a bit liberal on obituary notices. I quote one as an example:—

"3T In Santa Monica, September 7th, 1878, Mrs Elizabeth , wife of Mr John ——• formerly of this city, aged 67 years. "The deceased was a most estimable woman, whose relations as wife, mother and friend were so sustained as to endear her to all. She leaves a husband, and children consisting of Mrs of Stockton, Mrs D. of San Francisco, Mrs of Santa Monica, —— of Los Angeles, and a large circle of friends to mourn her loss. The remains were carried to Los Angeles,' where, after services in the church, they were deposited in the Catholic Cemetery." It won't be long before bereaved relatives will publish a geneological tree. When the rehearsals were commencing for the recent amateur performance of "Martha" the ladies were exceedingly anxious about their costumes, &c. In the hunting scene, the ladies, it is needless to say, appear on the stage with.spears, and the fair-votaries of Diana after the question of costumes had been settled, enquired where the spears were to come from. " Oh," responded the director, " those are props." This being the technical term for stage properties.. The ladies quite mistaking the purport of the answer, were highly indignant, and rising en masse, distinctly refused to go on the stege with clothes props. Tableau, and a lengthened explanation from the director.

The "Southland Times "got a telegram the;other night'-from Wakapnaka. This is the telegram:—"Africa, Arabia, Ollivier, Auokland, Cooper slow round, London Turkey slight, caught Baker, Ashby sixteen, Xteadway bowled Ashby throe, Wolf caught Frith first one, Baker bowled Fuller one hundred, Napford caught Fowler, Fuller one, Major fifty-three, extras, 726. Buker Auckland Afghan Wolf, Major Auckland, Sometime Italy Turkey." And even until this day the InvercargiU publio are wondering what the connection between Arabia and Ollivier, Turkey and Ashby, and what reference 726 extras can have with .the Afghan Wolf and Major Auckland. There is much originality in that story from Rangiora of the lady who wore £20 note sewn in her garments. It seems such a natural place to keep notes. The lady must have been such an one as King Lemuel had in his mind when he observed that "the heart of her husband doth simply trust in her so that? he shall have no need of. spoil." On this occasion, however,■ 'the creditors seem to have thought they had a bit more need of the spoil, and hence these harassing proceedings.