Broke His Circuit.

Bruce Herald, Volume XXXX, Issue 98, 20 December 1904, Page 2

Broke His Circuit.

The shades of the goose and the I turkey were discussing the circum- * stances which had attended their re- ' s-pvctive takings off. t "Did you offer any objection when first the cruel farmer laid hands on. I you?" sympathetically inquired the gobbler. "Yes," replied his gooseship; "I cried • out: 'Hello, what's this?'" "What did you say next?" inquired the now thoroughly interested fowl. "Oh," the goose replied, "I. did not say anything more; just then I wu wrung off."— Michigan Lyre. Approval. "It seems to me that there is a great literary awakening iSi this country." "Yes," answered the matter-of-fact citizen. "I observe it with great approval." "Then you are fond of books." "No. I ana in the stationery business. I sell pens, ink and paper." — Washington Star. Turned Down. "Of course," said Miss Goldrox's lover, "I realize that your daughter is an heiress, but I assure you that I would be just as anxious to marry her if she wer,e a pauper." "That settle* you," replied her father, "we don't want Any such fool , as that in the family." — Philadelphia Press. . ■ - Only One Theory. "Now, look here," said the lawyer, shaking his fiat at the -witness, "I want you to understand that you can't bamboozle me in this court simply ie-. cause you're a woman!" "Why?" she asked in her sweetest tones; "is your wife present?" — Chicago Record-Herald. A Sorrow's Orown of Sorrow. She — Mr. McCxoesus was very rich, wasn*t he? He — Yes; were you at his funeral? She — Yes. It seemed a great effort for his nephew to control himself. He — Yes. It must have been very hard trying not to look cheerful. — Harlem Life. Strut e«y. Mrs. Mahoole — Shure, awn th' doctor is makin' a hog out ay Pathrick. Mrs. OToole — Awn how so, Mrs. Mahoole? Mrs. Mahoole — Phoy, he forbid him smokin' ixcipt. after meals, awn now Pathrick a tea tin meals a day.—Chi-cag-o Daily New*. . . The JTew Gmmtwrr Infant. . ' Willie, aged five, appeared at the main entrance to the circus tent hand in hand with' a venerable graybeard. . "Grandpa wanted to see the animals," he explained to the doorkeeper, "and I had to come Along- to take care of him." — Chicago Tribune. Hot Up to the Standard. Mamma— What's the matter, Willie? Didn't you have a good time at th» party? } Willie— Naw. "Why? Didn't you get •nough to eat?'? "Yes; but I didn't get too much."— Philadelphia Record. Hl« Plan. "Ah," said the great foreign actor, "I have hit on a plan, which will, indeed, bring me distinction;" "What is it?" asked a friend. "I shall make a farewell tour of the United States — and I shall not go back." — Brooklyn Life. Scheme That Failed. ■Doctor — Did you follow my advice and count until you fell asleep? Pa-tient— l counted up to 18,000. Doctor — And then you felLasteep? Patient — No; then it waa time to get up.— Baltimore WoTld. The Lavt of 'Raatma. Upon the- roost he saw the bird. And straightway tried to pluck him; The apringr-*rtin went oft &a he stirred. And h» never knew what struck him. — Judg«._