STREETINSMS

Bruce Herald, Volume XXIX, Issue 2958, 6 May 1898, Page 5

STREETINSMS

Well, Homo, what's fresh ?

Why, Milton is— with new paint. Ob, bother the paint— fresh newe, I mean. Tbe war ?— there's something fresh every day about that ; is there not, Horatio ?

Well— urn— yes— you know, my wife, Anna, pesters my life out as to who obtained the victory at Manila, I try to provo it was tho American ships, but she won't believe it.

Ah, I see you can't Have Ana, bnt the Amerioans intend to take Havana shortly.

Homo, be serious for onoe. She says both sides declare tbat it was a glorious vlotory for both of tbem.

Yes, but there's nothing in that. The American Bquadron knocked the Spanish kite high.

But she says that's bosh ; beoause a cable deolared that St. Joseph de Austria was blown up, and In the next sentence states Madrid is mad with excitement over the victory. That's funny, certainly ; but perhaps the people of Madrid consider tbat when tbeir ahips are blown up it is a victory for the Spanish powder magazine. lam afraid that's too thin ; but my wife says that the cable, like a life insurance •gent, oan'6 lie ; therefore, as the oable Bays both aides won— both sides say tbey have wou, and there's an end of it. I see, Horatio ; oonviace a woman against her will she's of ehe same opinion still. I notioe tbat America is BiDging Yankee-doodle-do over tho Manila victory, and has already decided to exohange tho Philllpines for Jamaica, Bermuda, and ehe Bahamas.

Slightly pr* vious, I reckon ; the war's hardly started, Oh, but the Americans deolare Spain will give in after tbe defeat at Manila. That iB so, but tbey have to guess and oalcnlate about Austria. Then you don't think, Homo, tbat the war will end in smoke. Weil, all wars end in smoke, and the Americans should not be ao oook-a-hoop, but wait till the war-clouds roll by. Oh, you think the beginning of the end ia not yet, Homo ? Yes, nor the end of the beginning. You use the misty language of a Maori oracle, but speaking of emoke I see tbat Manila by lateßt accounts ia coming to and by fire and smoke. Yes, I never saw a manila that did any - thing else. Bah, you are paat redemption ; let's ohange the BUbjeot. What's this about the bank wanting to increase the county overdraft ? It's simple enough ; the bank want to get one and a-half per cent, more for their money. The dickens they do ; what's that for ? The bank Btatea that money ia hardening » and they want more shekels for binding it to tbe connty. Bat that ia not so, is it ? Moneys not a* all tight. It was never more plentiful. The bank declares it is very tight, and if It is as ti^ht as they make it it is time they got a prohibition order out against it. But, joking apart, if money ii so tight, why don't they increase the rate on fixed deposits 1 Ah, there's the rub. What is sauce for the bank gander is not sauoe for the bank goose. Tae truth, no doubt, is the bank wants to increase its profits. That's good enough for tbe bank, but what about our looal bodies 1 Where do they oome in ? They don't oome in at all, dear boy, on thiß oocasion, but they certainly did over the attempt to charge feeß for small accounts. The bank when pressure waa brought shut op like a telescope.

Well ; it's pretty rough on county ratepayers, we ehall Bee what happenß at next County Conncil meeting.

Did yoa see the bike race on Wednesday afternoon, Horatio .

Oh yes, it was very amusing, and some of the bikiste rode along footpaths.

Good idea ; but were there no protests 1

No, there were no ruleß and no one to appeal to j there was a good deal of protestation, but the hearts— or pookets— of the second and third men refused to open.

I notioed that the firßt man who got five minutes oame in last.

That was quite right ; he simply rode in the race to prove the truth of the saying that the first shall be laßt, and the last first. Good ! be wound np by running over a kid ; fortunately no oao was hurt. The youngster was promptly rescued. Ah, he was the kid restorer ! "Our boys "—mark the quotation '* boy " from the Milton ' Free Preaß ' correspondent —know how to ride— bikes. That's so } but who is the correspondent . he evidently haß a down on the Bbuoe Hebald. All his copy is either taken from it or criticising it. Oh, hfc'p what I call a journalistic mosquito. Journalistic mosquito ! What do you mean ? Oh, one of those Bmall insects tbat Bting the hand that fed them. Bnt I want to know what's his name ? That's simplioity itself ; he's been guyed all his life. What 1 " guide, philosopher, and friend ?" No, no ; his friends have guyed him all bis life. From what you say, I Bhould think he must have been born on tbe fifth November. Well, he oertainly has a weekly number | of Guy faux pars about Milton in tbe • Press.' Ha ! ha 2 ba ! good enough, but considering the company he is always in, don't yon think he would be wiser if he abstained from throwing mud at local institutions ? Yes, and I am sorry for him, but callow youths often go fingering yarns that older and wiser " bands " would not touch. That's so, Homo ; and he's likely to get worsted at that game. Well, I haven't time to waste over journalistic moiquitoes. Good-bye, Horatio, there's nothing like hum sweet hnm. Well, say an re voir, Homo, bat not good"