Amusing.

Bruce Herald, Volume IX, Issue 801, 9 May 1876, Page 3

Amusing.

A girl in Ypsilanti, Michigan, describes an ague chill as " cold streaks playing tag up and down ray back." The girls in the Dead Letter Office at Washington have no restraint put upon them — they are allowed to fool with the mails just as much as they please. A young lady of Brooklyn, who went abroad to study for the opera stage, has achieved a notable success by marrying an Italian Count. She will now rest. A drunken Ohio woman sawed her drunken husband's legs off, and now he'll " stump" the State against woman suffrage. In strict accordance with the fitness of things, the decision in the roller skate case was given by the Master of the Rolls.— 1 Hornet.' " Constitutionally tired" is now the polite way of expressing the fact that a man is naturally lazy. We live in wonderfully refined times. A New Jersey female institute contains thirty-four red-headed girls, and the principal dispenses with gas and all other artificial lights. — ' Norristown Herald.' Great guns are advertised on " the choke-bore system." If the great guns of debate were on this system, how the session would be shortened ! — ' Punch.' The President has no ear for music, and the carelessness with which he ÜBed to take Babcock's flute to rake the fire with was a constant menace to their friendship. — ' Brooklyn Argus.' It was Benjamin Franklin who introduced broom corn culture in this country. But thousands of Buffering husbands would prefer to see the man who introduced broom handles. It took Sir Isaac Newton less thaa three years to thoroughly digest the principles of gravitation, while an Indiana farmer has spent eleven years trying to find out why a cow never kicks until the pail is two-thirds full. " What object do you now see ?" asked the spiritualist. The young lady, quite a novice, it will be seen, blushed, and hesitated for a few moments, and then replied, "It appears like a donkey, sir ; is it your shadow ?" She was brushing his hair, and he enjoyed being fussed over amazingly. Rolling up his eyes, he said : " My dear, why was Columbus, when he landed in America, like me now?" She couldn't tell him, and he explained : " Because he was tickled at being fust over." A Frenchman learning the English language complained of the irregularity of the verb " to go," the present tense of which some wag had written out for him as follows : — " I go, thou starrest, he departs, we make tracts, you cut sticks, they absquatulate or skedaddle." * The ' Medical Circular' states that a patient, suffering from inflammation in the cheat, recently submitted his expectoration to a scientific authority. The practitioner consulted wrote back ; — " It is evidently of parasitic nature, but with respect to the precise individuality of the entophyte I have not yet decided quite to my satisfaction. My mind still hovers between two conclusions, viz., as to whether it is an aborted specimen of a cyclocotuloid macromalacooidium, op a highly developed erytocoeceus megalocyst of stongylopleuron batracholeucocopri^ 4on,