UNCONVENTIONAL.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVII, Issue 102, 1 May 1936, Page 9

UNCONVENTIONAL.

HUMOROUS SPEECH.

"NERVOUS, BASHFUL MAN."

LAUGHTER ROCKS HOUSE.

(By Telegraph.—Parliamentary Reporter.)

WELLINGTON, Thursday.

A natural flair for humorous expression was revealed by the new Government member for Mid-Canterbury (Mr. 11. E. Herring) in his maiden speech in the House of Representatives to-day during the second reading debate on the Industrial Conciliation and Arbitration Bill.

Mr. Herring cast all conventionality aside as he proceeded to deal with the question, and many times during the course of his remarks his naive references to his own inexperience in public life had the House rocking with unrestrained laughter.

'I'm a nervous, bashful man," Mr. Herring began, striking a humble note. "1 do not do gracious things; I am regarded as rather a cranky individual."

By this time the House was awake and taking notice of the new representatime for Mid-Canterbury, and for the next half hour there was hardly a dull moment.

Mr. Herring, amidst encouraging support from the House, went on to say that lie was very much obliged to the older members for the help they had given him. "In fact," he added, "I feel very much beholden to everyone for the courtesies extended to me in the short time I have been a member of the

House." . I Then, referring to liis connection with politics, Mr. Herring told the story about Cortes going to Mexico and burning his boats, and added: "I've more or less burned my boats, and the only thing for me to do is to go on. (Loud laughter.) "You are all laughing. I don t know what it is you find so amusing," he remarked seriously. Member Amazed. Mr. Herring, said he had been amazed at the quality of the speeches he had heard in the House. He had been amazed at the competence of the speakers and the facility with which they spoke. They seemed to be able to "deliver speeches of half an hours duration or longer without any effort at all. ' . A story about a man who wished to achieve fame as a lion hunter and who filled his hut with pictures of lions and with guns, but who didn't go lion hunting because he would have had to go without his hot water bottle, was told bv Mr. Herring, to the great amusement of the House. He then turned to the question of statistics. He said he would admit that statistics were not always informative. Members would remember the problem in the arithmetic book about building a brick wall. It was how long would it take a hundred men working one liour each to build a brick wall if it took one man a hundred hours.

"The answer," said Mr. Herring, "is one hour, but we all know that if we had a hundred men building a brick wall in one hour they would all fall over each other." Mr. Speaker intervened when Mr. Herring said he was going to tell a little story about Methuselah, and amidst laughter asked him to keep closer to the hill under discussion. "I am sorry, Mr. Speaker, you have interfered with my" story about Methuselah and statistics," remarked Mr. Herring during fresh laughter. The member caused a fresh outburst of merriment when he proceeded to te.l about his lack of experience with trade union officials. He said he only knew one trade union secretary. That was when he was working as a shift engineer. He thought the union secretary was rather a remaikable man, because he had a bald hea*l and wore spectacles. "I don't think that's so remarkable now." he added, "seeing that I've a bald head and wear spectacles." (Loud laughter.)

Glass of Water. There was a pause in the proceedings while a messenger handed Mr. Herrirg a "lass of water. After drinking som.> of it he referred to some statements made by the member for Christchnrch North (Mr. S. G. Holland). "I think he's a very estimable man." he remarked. "I don't "wish you to think I've any particular set on him." Mr. Holland, he said, had talked about the difficulties ill connection with putting jam in tarts and seemed to think it was rathei a frivolous matter. "But it isn't a frivolous matter, a Ithon"h I confess I laughed a crood deal over if mvself," said Mr. Herring. H-; then told a story of a wireman who wa« killed because he exceeded his duties by interferin? with live wires, and drew the analogy between the two sets of circumstances. ~r _ • *„i,i The manner in which Mr. Herring told the storv provoked .the House to renewed laughter, and he remonstrated with the members who were laughing. "I see some of you are laughing at that," he said, "and I don't see why. Of course, I've never been killed myself, so I don't know what it's like." (Laughter.) On the motion of Mr. Holland the House granted Mr. Herring an extension of time, but before the motion had been put bv Mr. Speaker he had resumed his speech. Then, realising his mistake, he said: "I apologise for being such a bungler. I ought to have known that I should sit down while the motion is ] being put." Mr. Herring, in his concluding remarks. said that the bill "was a bit disappointing to him. as it dealt only with I wages and conditions. "Although I am satisfied with the bill as far as it goes," he added. "I would like to think it is a step towards what I have indicated is the final objective—the abolition of the wagtf relation. I have done so."