THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 284, 30 November 1928, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) CAMERA SHY. A photographer telle M.A.T. that few women are camera shy. All men are. perhaps a man to shy because He hasn't got the (ace ; And then a fellow lacks the neck To a good picture grace. But women have no qualms at all. No hesitations weak; My Cynthia does not hesitate. Because she's got the cheek. Auckland traffic authorities are faced with the problem of finding space between parked cars in assigned thoroughfares for moving vehicles. There is nothing NOTHING NEW. new under the eon. Here is a newspaper one hundred and sixty years old. A correspondent, "John Trott," writes an indignant letter, beginning, "The rage for carriages is so great at present, and the town and its avenues so full of them, that some method should be taken to stop them." Mr. Trott says that every man with the smallest share of taste has forgotten how to use his legs and that tradesmen formerly aimed at putting their best leg foremost, but in this degenerate age must ride awheel. The Legislature, according to the late Mr. Trott, confined the speed to five miles an hour and "stuck up turnpikes every few Jmndred yards." Poor old Trott says, "How are they degenerated, how changed since those happy days, in which the prudent and unshaken citizen, so far from allowing himself to be carried, was seen trudging along, sweating under the load of his wife's favourite child, while she, poor woman, followed as fast as she well could, without discomposing the" calf's tail perriwig committed to her charge." Mr. Trott avers that the freest people do not ride, but "stand their ground," and declares that the dreadful and dangerous habit of riding five miles an hour is due to the doctors who all use carriages. He refers with horror to the necessity of opening "two-forked streets to Black Fryar Bridge and hopes no dangerous carriage folk be allowed to pass the Fleet Prison."

Shoemakers' children go the worst shod, lawyers pass away to a better world without making their wills, and brilliant accountants who can find the missing THE halfpenny in a millionPLUMBER'S KIT. aire's accounts often boggle over the change for a shilling. News comes from Chicago that the wife of a plumber in the Divorce Court alleged that for fifteen years the kitchen tap had been out of order. One night, being slightly "stunned" (the cablegram saye "bunned"), the plumber mentioned to his wife that he would mend that tap, but would have to return to his shop to obtain the necessary implements. The cablegram merely mentions the plumbing incident, and thus leaves the world to infer that out of order plumbing is good ground for divorce in America. But the cablegram is most precious because it gives another lease to one of the seven stock jokes of the world. Mr. W. G. Riddell, for over a score of years stipendiary magistrate at Wellington and who now retires, has hardly ever been called "Bill," except by NO JOKE. irreverent reporters, and then in a whisper. He has been esteemed for a quarter of a century for his magisterial gravity. He is perhaps the only professional New Zealand magistrate who never jests upon the Bench and then eagerly peruses the newspapers to see if the Court reporter has made or marred the jest. Running comment and racy references to various matters appear to be the prerogative of the Bench, petty and supreme, although New Zear land has at the present time no comedian judge Lord Darling, the eminent English judge, was" renowned for his quips and cranks from the Bench, and many London police magistrates are as good as the pictures or a vaudeville show, generally, of course, at the expense of the gentleman in the dock. Mr. Riddell has never joked, and the tribute of an old offender lies m his simple words, "Mr. Riddell is the best Jeak* of the lot; I'd rather be sent to gaol by him than anybody." B

A motor cyclist riding citywards collided with a pedestrian, but, with the exception of a general distribution on the roadway of a gentleman, bowler hat THE PROTEST, bag and overcoat, no done-News item. *"* ****"* *° * Th ca« ssr tte « rooaa - For motors will, it has been »m Take lives and limbs away! * A «"l as upon the kerb he sat They asked: "How are yon Brown?" He turnedl around to find hta And said: "A bit run down." * —PJLE. "Freckles" mentions that during a recent visit to Helensville there were many querulous people walking about nursing gammy legs, rheumatism and other MIDNIGHT BUGLE, complaints which marvellously disappear in a few weeks. He retired to bed after midnirfit and was later disturbed by loud footers in' , hammerings on a neighbouring bedroom door, and a vigorous shout, "Hey? ?3T f fi eepy VOICe eaid « "Whaeeennatter?" Shut up!" came the complaint. "W™. •wXS-'SSV** , * the -** &2 awake! And the indignant voice (now not a bit sleepy) screamed: "Oh, you go Im not snoring!" e An interested observer noted the extremely smart appearance of all hands on parade durin* the local naval march out. After the blue CASTJAI/ttvq & Ck ? tS and the CASUALTIES. Marines (live marines) , , . . there followed a lorrv load of what appeared to be empty barrelf He wishes to know if this was an official" THOUGHTS FOR TO-DAY. -En£ Soli! DOt tO m ° Te aCT ° Se the »**• • • • What mankind needs is not more rood talkers but more good Samaritans.-^on. aheal-^jn. 1 " , ***" *"* *« ***** - ins? .?£: contmuaUy restores the heart.—E. Gibson. • • • sake S °W W i 1 DOt been e l ™ l U9 for sorrow's JSsS which, once learned, it ceases to be sorrow.—Carlyle.